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Original poster

Not inviting to my daughter birthday party

28 replies

ErinAoife · 26/10/2021 19:01

Ex husband is organising a party for my daughter's birthday and I am not invited. It is upsetting me as I always invite him and his family to any celebrations I have for the kids, always invite him for Christmas Dinner etc...I was visiting his mother yesterday who told me about the party when I was inviting her for my daughter birthday party, he is doing it the night before mine, she told me. I did send ex husband a WhatsApp message about the invitation for her birthday party prior going to visit his mother but retracted it (msg had not been opened so not read) when I learned that he did not bother inviting me (childish I know). I should not be surprised that he is doing that but it really hurt me. No one to talk about it.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 26/10/2021 19:04

You and your ex are no longer together, I think it's reasonable that he wants to do his own thing with his child. Life moves on and you won't always do things as a "family."

MintJulia · 26/10/2021 19:09

Maybe he wants to do something by himself for once. You aren't married anymore. He's entitled to his freedom, just as you are.

CottonSock · 26/10/2021 19:11

Stop inviting him and enjoy your freedom.

Original poster
ErinAoife · 26/10/2021 19:16

I am not expecting him to do stuff all the time with me but for celebrations like kids birthday it will be nice to be invited. I always do it on my side always include him but I won't bother anymore. It could have been one party for family instead having two. So much for being united for the kids, for me it is not coparenting.

OP posts:
ANameChangeAgain · 26/10/2021 19:19

Its a shame, but by this action he has released you from any obligation to invite him for Christmas/ Birthdays.

Laburnam · 26/10/2021 19:29

Sorry to hear but as you’re no longer together this could be his way of wanting to plan things in the future. You can either choose to do as he has done or carry on inviting him but it’s fantastic that you have an amicable relationship with him and his family

Aquamarine1029 · 26/10/2021 19:35

Co-parenting doe not, in any way, mean you always celebrate things as a unit. You're being unrealistic and making this all about you. If your kids are happy, that's all that matters.

Original poster
ErinAoife · 26/10/2021 19:50

Coparenting for me is putting the kids first and try being amicable with each other. Having a united front is the most important so I do think celebrations of birthday/big event should be done together but it seems I am the only one thinking like that.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 26/10/2021 19:59

How is having his own party not putting the kids first? How is that not being amicable? You're divorced. That means you both develop your own lives and traditions separate from each other.

Original poster
ErinAoife · 26/10/2021 20:06

Because we had agreed we will do these celebrations together as a family unit when we separated and I always kept my promise and invite him and his family to all birthdays/Christmas ect... for once he is doing something he won't invite me.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 26/10/2021 20:30

It's unfortunate he didn't discuss this with you, but he's entitled to change his mind as to how he wants to move forward, and so are you. Perhaps he's met someone and wants to create more appropriate boundaries with you.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 26/10/2021 20:36

In reality, you can't show a united front if you are divorced. Your DC know you are divorced, everyone knows, and there is no need to present yourselves as one unit anymore.

Maybe it is not a bad idea to let this go now?

Original poster
ErinAoife · 26/10/2021 21:01

You are right, I should do what suit me and not consider him anymore, we are divorced so who cares if his feelings are hurt.. I never visited my family at Christmas since we are separated as it mean he will not be able to see the kids on the day, next year I will book the flights to visit them with the kids at Christmas and won't feel guilty for doing it.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 26/10/2021 21:05

That's not even remotely the same thing though, is it? You've taken this personally and now you want some sort of revenge. I say this gently, but you are not thinking rationally right now.

Original poster
ErinAoife · 26/10/2021 21:40

I am not seeking revenge but from now on I will not consider his feeling. I haven't see my family for nearly two years now because of covid, I haven't spend Christmas with my family for years because he never wanted to go because he preferred spending it with his family and as we were visiting my family during the summer I never pushed for Christmas. If I was doing it out of spite I will be booking this Christmas but I am giving him plenty of notice it is going to be next Year, The kids will be back for New Year to be with him.

OP posts:
NeedAHoliday2021 · 26/10/2021 21:44

So on his visitation he’s organised something for his dc with his family? I’d find it odd if the ex wife was there in this instance to be honest. That’s quite unusual and seems it doesn’t work for him anymore. He’s allowed to spend time with his dc how he likes rather than having to walk on eggshells around his ex.

Theunamedcat · 26/10/2021 21:45

It would have been nice for him to drop you a text I mean your daughter is bound to tell you about it and if she doesn't that would be concerning because keeping secrets is wrong

NeedAHoliday2021 · 26/10/2021 21:47

His choice doesn’t impact your time whereas your Christmas decision will impact his time with dc. Don’t be a dick op. You clearly think you’re right so what does it matter what we think?

Original poster
ErinAoife · 26/10/2021 21:51

You are right he is entitled to do what he wants when he has them and vis versa.

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MushMonster · 26/10/2021 21:54

If they are having children from school, and your DD's friends, then yes, I think two parties are damn silly, and better to have one, and invite the other parent. It would be more than weird to attend two birthday parties for same child, one for each parent.

If it is only the family, then better for you actually? Like that you do not need to invite him and his family, so you only have to worry about entertaining your family and your guests.
He should have told you though. Not saying anything is just stupid, and can put your DD in a position that she does not need to, with upset around her birthday. He surely is a bit of an idiot.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 26/10/2021 21:56

I don't think it would be unreasonable for you and your children to spend one Christmas with your family (although let's not pretend the only time to see them after 2 years is Christmas).

But it does look as though you have taken massive personal offence at something which is quite normal for divorced parents. It looks as if you are feeling very hurt and now want to hurt him back.

HappyMeal564 · 26/10/2021 22:09

Your kids will love having 2 parties! In my experience it's the norm for parents to do things separately once divorced

Original poster
ErinAoife · 26/10/2021 22:31

We did agreed when we separated that we will always celebrate their birthday, big events together that it is the reason why I am hurt as I always respected it. Yes she is going to be delighted to have two birthday parties with his family but I really find it stupid to have two parties for some members of his family when we could have had only one.

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Original poster
ErinAoife · 26/10/2021 22:38

And yes It is either Christmas this year or next year when I can go visiting my family with my kids. they are living all abroad and my parents are coming next year for July and August so I won't be visiting them during the summer since they are going to be here. I can't take February mi term or Easter off next year as my colleagues have booked it and for the Oct mi term the kids will be with their father so the only possibility is Christmas, the only time where the office is closed for two weeks

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TheYearOfSmallThings · 26/10/2021 22:42

Ah in that case I would just book it - it's time you get a Christmas with your family.