The Slut's Guide to Housekeeping and Motherhood

[Tanzie]

Here are my contributions:

1. If you have weevils in your pasta, put a good sprinkling of mixed dried herbs in the pasta water or in the sauce. This way, the weevils won't show.

2. If you have no time to wash the lettuce properly, rinse the mud off the stalk and add dried herbs or mustard with seeds in it to your dressing. Small flies or little caterpillars will thus go un-noticed.

3. Dark brown sugar is very chic in the sugar bowl and the ants don't show when you have visitors for coffee.

4. A baby's bottle whipped out of a dishwasher when it has nearly finished its cycle will be sterile and OK to use.

5. If you are breastfeeding and have no time to shower, console yourself with the fact that babies really do prefer unwashed nipples.

Over to you....

I must be the only one then

Don't bother yourself with the merely cosmetic business of washing up. Cook the same food for tea for a week. If you serve it piping hot it'll self-clean.

Or just lick the plates.

if it's been on the floor less than 10 secs it's still clean and perfectly ok to eat...

Apply your baby's mouth to those hard-to-clean surfaces and watch that vacuum action get to work!

I don't do these things by the way.

I forgot one (my mother used to do this). If you are making raspberry jam, the maggots all come to the top of the jam. Don't faff about trying to pick them out, simply stir them back into the jam. They have only been eating the raspberries anyway...

Your family must get a lot of protein from all this insect eating, Tanzie. Very practical!

Alternatively, pick the maggots out of the raspberry jam, add a dollop of mayo and hey presto - prawn cocktail!

If you don't remove cobwebs the spiders will keep the flies under control.

Happy mothers = happy babies. Sitting down reading the Observer for a couple of hours on a Sunday and ignoring everything else that goes on around her makes mummy happy, therefore baybeez are happy.

Leave unhemmed curtains hanging long enough and mothers/MIL will do it for you!

Why wash the sofa covers when you can just turn the cushions around?

Hoover only once a week, it is much more satisfying when the floor is really dirty.

Likewise with dusting. It is very satisfying when there is really thick layer to get your teeth into!

Never, EVER buy any item of clothing which requires ironing...

Why bother going to the shops for fresh bread. Simply cut the mould off and pretend you have made posh crust free sandwiches.

Agree about the ironing. I haven't ironed an item of my clothing since I went to a wedding 4 years ago.

Unfortunately DH needs shirts for work... Although it is possible to do just collars and cuffs and wear a jumper till 10.30. By then body heat has got rid of all other creases!

Janeybops, why bother cutting the mould off. Just tell people its a new speciality bread you just picked up from Waitrose. If that won't impress your guests, nothing will.

Buy paper plates and plastic cups. Instant time saver.

Can you buy paper saucepans?

Don't use the big light in your livingroom use small lamps around the room and that way nobody will notice the dust

Buy green coats for the kids... just in case they get a cold?!?!

Maybe that is one too far?

linnet I do that one - candles are even better.

make cleaning the bath a fun bathtime game

lol @ janey! you are obviously on a roll - i'm picking up some good tips

Well when I worked full time I thought the house was a mess because I didn't have time to do it all, work, childcare etc. However, since going part time I have grown to realise I simply don't like doing it!