The Slut's Guide to Housekeeping and Motherhood

[Tanzie]

Here are my contributions:

1. If you have weevils in your pasta, put a good sprinkling of mixed dried herbs in the pasta water or in the sauce. This way, the weevils won't show.

2. If you have no time to wash the lettuce properly, rinse the mud off the stalk and add dried herbs or mustard with seeds in it to your dressing. Small flies or little caterpillars will thus go un-noticed.

3. Dark brown sugar is very chic in the sugar bowl and the ants don't show when you have visitors for coffee.

4. A baby's bottle whipped out of a dishwasher when it has nearly finished its cycle will be sterile and OK to use.

5. If you are breastfeeding and have no time to shower, console yourself with the fact that babies really do prefer unwashed nipples.

Over to you....

Why pay for heating bills. Have everyone sit around in sleeping bags to keep warm. Remember to have some spare for visitors.

This one is true from my DH old student house...

Under the sofa is a great place to stash rubbish when you can't be bothered to walk to the kitchen bin.

On those occasions when you wipe DS/DD's nose with your hand and then realise that there's no tissues handy simply wipe the goo on the inside hem of your trousers and no one will be the wiser.

LOL Janey

A tribute to Janey....

Janeybobs queen of the mops?
No, not ever - she's far too clever!

tex111, that's a good tip if your hem has come unstitched too - it will help stick it back!!

Late getting up? dont worry, just a quick wipe from a deoderant wipe, a spray of Batiste and chewing gum on the way to school and no one will ever notice you're not showered/hair washed and teeth cleaned.

Another good "late morning" tip - dont take your make up off from the night before then you won't have to reapply it

Janeybops - LOL - have just come in from a(rare) night out with the girls. DH said he would wash the sofa covers. So I have sofa with no cover on and a huge red wine stain all over sofa and cushion - you see that's what happens when I leave him home alone

why waste time dusting when a damp cloth literally minutes before visitors arrive will suffice

why put shoes, coats etc away when you have finsihed with them. Leave them where you took them off as you are bound to need them again. When you do they are right by the door ready for easy and effort free dressing.

Off to bed now - might think of some more in my dreams... Shall check this thread out again tomorrow.

On quick tip though is to leave things unclean for mother's visit. When she cleans for you say things like I don't know how you get it so clean. That's amazing!

wear a heavily patterned top - that way, if you have a young child - the snot/dribble that permanently appears on your shoulder wont notice!

Jampot - have you stolen my identity?

If food falls on the floor, blowing on it will get rid of the germs.

save on washing up by serving 2 childrens' meals on 1 plate and calling it a "combo"

Lol janeybops. Every time I visit DD I always take my rubber gloves with me, as I can't stop myself from cleaning her bathroom and kitchen! Sounds like she's been following your tips and letting mum do the work!

lol emsiewill - everyone does that!!

Mummytummy that's why I figure it must be true.

And anyway, as my friend's dad always used to say "you've got to eat a bit of dirt before you die"

When your child falls over and needs Magic Cream just grab the nearest pot of handcream. Miracle cure.

80smum. I tried cleaning before her visits,she would arrive and in about 10 mins would be re-cleaning what I had just cleaned. So now I save myself the bother!

Any food eaten off of your child's plate contains NO calories whatsoever. So go on girls tuck in!

When at work and not doing anything carry a prop, such as a mop or plate with a cake on. This is from my student days when I worked in restuarants and cafes. When asked by the supervisor what you are doing you can then say you are on the way to mop a spillage or deliver the cake to a customer etc.