In the spirit of KS .. and for mumsnet flouncers everywhere .. how about re-writing..

[Twiglett]

I'm leaving on a jet plane

Original Lyrics here

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye

But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn
The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

I'm ...

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I'll tell you now, they don't mean a thing

Every place I go, I think of you
Every song I sing, I sing for you
When I come back I'll wear your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time, oh, let me kiss you
And close your eyes and I'll be on my way

Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times that I won't have to say ...

Oh, kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go

'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

And I'm leaving on a jet plane
I don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

But I'm leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
Leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
Leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
Leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
Leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
Leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
Leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
Leaving on a jet plane
(Ah ah ah ah)
(Leaving) On a jet plane

I'll start shall I?

Well our posts have crossed, I'm ready to go

I know I've been here before

You won't catch me knocking on your door

I'll start a thread to say good bye

Now Mumsnet's 'open', it's early morn

(sorry, bit boring that one)

I starting to wish, I'd never been born

Already here you are asking me 'why?'

So [hug] me and at me

Tell me that you'll wait for me

!!!!

Comfort me and beg me not to go

Cause I'm leaving back to real life

Won't come back, I'll be a real mum and wife

tell me you don't want me to go

twigs - give someome else a chance!

some of you have let me down

pretending you're just being clowns

So many bad vibes flying around

And I'm leaving cos you upset me

I'm covered in crumbs & cold mint tea

I had an accident with my ba-by...

she bounced off my knee

Every place I go I think of you
I call my kids ds because of you
I'll only come back after a bottle of gin

I've got no friends left in RL
Look like a tramp & am starting to smell
Even growing bristles on my chin

I'll say sorry and posters will all be perplexed
They won't know I left and was upset
Because they don't read every thread
(don't read every thread)