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Original poster

bulling at work..... help

42 replies

connyflower · 19/10/2004 13:18

totally p**ed off work in a large call center and have become quite close to a girl in work over the years but problem being im starting to feel lke she bullies me , seems silly like i'm a silly school kid, but she pushes me round ie kicks off if i wont get her coffee's ( when im not even going for my own,) pulls my hair and acts like its a joke, i laugh with her but i'm really starting to feel down, i'm a 25year old woman for goodness sake why am i letting her make me feel so inadiquate, sorry just need advice on how to deal with this ...

OP posts:
jampot · 19/10/2004 13:21

I would be inclined to give her a taste of her own medicine - and ask her to get your coffees! When she pulls your hair, then pull hers back! (Don't try this in the Playground children)

cab · 19/10/2004 13:21

Try a few stock phrases like 'what did your last slave die of?'
If you don't find her funny don't laugh and ask her nicely to desist if she's pulling your hair.
Alternatively ask quietly for a move.

Original poster
connyflower · 19/10/2004 13:24

i just feel like such a fool for putting up with it, i'm not a push over by anymeans but this girl really get me!this sounds stupid even writing about it!

OP posts:
LouBeeLou · 19/10/2004 13:34

Bullies only get away with it if you let them.

Connyflower - stand up to her, humour works a treat (esp sarcasm) to get your point across (like cab's 'what did your last slave die of').

It is much better to air it now than to keep it bottle up because you may end up exploding and saying stuff you might regret.

Original poster
connyflower · 19/10/2004 13:38

i know, my dp nephew has been getting bullied at scholl and ive been telling him not to stand for it! yet i cant do it myself i mean she gets quite personal sometimes takes the mick out of my parents ect and giggles as if its fun to her, myu dh has red hair and by god this gives her a field day, close to tears today, sorry if i am going on x

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 19/10/2004 13:38

First, don't laugh along with her, if you're laughing with her she may not realise that this behaviour upsets you.

I think cab's idea of using stock phrases like "What did your last slave die of?" is a good one, otherwise I think I'd say something like "It's your turn this time, isn't it?" or "Coffee sounds like a great idea, can you get me one while you're there?".

As for the hair pulling, she needs to know it's not acceptable. Next time she does it, let her know you hate it! If you can't bring yourself to be rude and tell her to grow up or p* off, you could say something like "I wish you wouldn't do that, it really hurts you know", then ignore her and get on with something else. It works for 3 year olds, it should work for her!

LouBeeLou · 19/10/2004 13:41

Connyflower how old is this girl?

Original poster
connyflower · 19/10/2004 13:41

same age as me 25

OP posts:
LouBeeLou · 19/10/2004 13:43

Have you thought about taking her to one side and telling her how you feel? Maybe at lunchtime or after work?

lolliepops · 19/10/2004 13:43

poor you does anyone else at work know about this? do they like this girl?
big huggs

Original poster
connyflower · 19/10/2004 13:46

yeah people like her it seems to only be me she picks , you might laugh at this... god i feel stupid... once she pulled me on a wheely chair up the office by my hair, i went home and cried my eyes out but laughed at the time cos everyone was laughing at the time, i have actully changed my shift and team now told her it was because i wanted a different start time

OP posts:
ZolaPola · 19/10/2004 13:49

that's outrageous - sounds like you need to stand up to her and publicly . Bet others pretend to like her as relieved it's not them she's treating like this. take a deep breath and answer her back as firmly as you can & with deep sarcasm next time she tries it on. If that doesn't work maybe you should make a formal complaint against her.

Original poster
connyflower · 19/10/2004 13:54

think i might just do this got to pay her a visit in min anyway i will let you know if have any developments x

OP posts:
ZolaPola · 19/10/2004 13:55

good luck!

LouBeeLou · 19/10/2004 13:56

connyfower you poor thing she sounds like a right cow!
This is definitely more than just a bit of teasing/office banter - surely the management have a responsibility to stop things like this happening? Is there a supervisor you feel you could discuss it with?

I know how awful it can make you feel
((((((((((big hugs))))))))))))

Beccarollover · 19/10/2004 14:00

Cornyflower - (((hugs))) you have my sympathy - it sounds like a really horrible situation.

I have a friend who is just like this

alicatsg · 19/10/2004 14:00

Honestly - she'll do it as long as you let her. If she does it again I'd humilate her back - very loudly say in a terribly languid voice "heavens, haven't you grown out of that yet?" as if its all too too childish.

we had a nasty case of this here and the only way I managed to stop it was by being more alpha-girl than the bully who was picking on a new girl in the most horrible way. Is there anyone there you could get to be an alpha female for you (I mean bitch for hire really!!) if you don't feel confident to do it yourself?

you can stop it - promise.

libb · 19/10/2004 14:00

Please don't ever apologise for your feelings, she sounds like she has big issues and you are a scapegoat for them - you clearly have something she doesn't. I really hope she is mature enough to accept what she is doing is pathetic and downright nasty.

Hugs to you connyflower, xxxxxx

Original poster
connyflower · 19/10/2004 14:03

becca its horrilbe just seen her and shes pissed her self laughing at me, examlpe today i have a pair of furry ugg boots on, and its all ive heard about she just blantenly takes the p* out of me oh i'm so mad!.. here me thinking i was being trendy x

OP posts:
Beccarollover · 19/10/2004 14:04

Hey dont doubt yourself because of her!! Im sure you ARE trendy - she is just laughing because she is jealous I would imagine. Wear your uggs with pride

xxxxx

alicatsg · 19/10/2004 14:04

she sounds vile - why are some women so foul to others?

ZolaPola · 19/10/2004 14:05

If you thinnk you are trendy you probably are! don't let her create your opinion of yourself -that's giving her way to much power. maybe she has no taste, she is jealous of how you look etc etc. something is motivating her anyway.

sis · 19/10/2004 14:14

oh connyflower - she sounds awful! stay away from her! How dare she laugh at your husband and parents - please don't pretend to go along when she does these things. If you can't bring yourself to say anything, a really good tactic, is to look serious (ie not laugh), look her in the eye for a count of two and then walk/look away and just carry on with something else. The momentary look without any words can speak volumes. If she won't look you in the eye or things escalate, you should really consider raising a complaint and ask to be moved well away from her.

cab · 19/10/2004 14:14

Connyflower I think she MAY just be jealous of you. I bet you're a good worker, relatively quiet but well liked by everyone at work.
On the boots next comment is - 'Yes I thought they were lovely too. But it's not everyone who can carry them off is it?', raising your eyebrow as you go.
Having thought about it I would take her aside and ask her to tone it down a bit. Then keep a diary of every single nasty little niggly thing she does to you. Then go to human resources if it carries on. Bullying is notoriously difficult to pinpoint which is why the diary (and witnesses) is useful. It's the bigger picture that counts here - not individual incidents. If it gets too much go to docs, get signed off with stress and hr will be forced to deal with it.

cab · 19/10/2004 14:22

p.s. I bet she's not married? Definitely jealous if that's the case.