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Original poster

upset about dd not likeing nursery all of a sudden

53 replies

nikcola · 22/09/2004 14:30

dd started nursery on monday (private) she had been or two induction thingys there allready , she was fine on monday and fine on tuesday and didnt cry at all she waved to me from the wiondow with a smile on her face,
however this morning she would not let go of me and started saying i want to come with you mommy why has she been ok till today i thought she liked it there i rang 20 mins after i left and she stopped crying and was painting but it upset me till i picked her up she was only there half day today till 12,
ive been asking her is she looking forward to going back to nursery on friday and she keeps saying no she doesnt want to go ,

i can take going to collage every day if she crys every morning

OP posts:
nutcracker · 22/09/2004 14:33

Oh no Nik, and it was going so well.

Maybe it's just dawned on her that she has to go every day. My dd2 has just started school and still looks shocked when she realises that she has to go again the next day.

Also she is probably tired too, which wouold be affecting her mood.

I would have a word witht the staff though and see what they can tell you.

I'm sure it's just that the novelty has worn off, she'll be fine when she gets used to the rountine.

motherinferior · 22/09/2004 14:39

Hey, Nik, go back to your thread where we all warned you this might happen - and would NOT be the end of the world, honestly. Please don't let it upset you. You've done so much to get to college, don't stop now!

woodpops · 22/09/2004 14:41

THey sometimes do this. DS in particular, he's been going to nursery since he was 6 months and is now 3. He's been really clingy to me this week as well as I was rushed to hospital in an ambulance at the weekend which scared him. I've found the best way to stop tear is to have a little box of raisons in my pocket and if tears look imminet quickly give them to him. Works a treat. I'm sure she'll be fine. She's probably just realising that it's a permenent thing nursery and testing the boundries. Try not to worry too much!!!

Marina · 22/09/2004 14:42

I'd agree with Nutcracker and MI, nikcola - she's twigged this isn't just a one-off trip. She will get used to it. Talk to the staff, if they are good they should be able to reassure you and your dd.
You've done so much to get to college, don't give up now. How is it going otherwise?

Original poster
nikcola · 22/09/2004 14:42

but i really dont understand why she cryed she keeps saying that she doesnt want to go

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Original poster
nikcola · 22/09/2004 14:46

i LOVE collage its brilliant but i just couldnt stop worrying about her all day i keep asking her if she wan to go back on friday and she keeps saying no what do ur kids say when u ask them that

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Blu · 22/09/2004 14:47

And she was ok when you phoned, wasn't she? This is a phase, honest. And try not to pass your anxiety about it on to her too much. Don't mention Friday again until Fri a.m, and say 'oh good it's Friday, time to have another lovely day at nursery'.
TBH, she did really well on Mon and Tue, she just needs time to get used to the routine, and uderstand that you leave her, and you always come back.

Marina · 22/09/2004 14:48

Because she can sense she's upsetting you? And that's making her a little more uncertain about staying there? Most of us don't like change, if we're honest, maybe that's what's making her uneasy. Try asking her WHY she doesn't want to go back, and if she comes out with something specific, then you need to discuss it with the staff.
Some children don't settle well at nursery, Nikcola, it's true, but an awful lot more settle brilliantly after a slightly bumpy start.
Best of luck.

motherinferior · 22/09/2004 14:48

Oh, and when dd1 mutters (which she has been known to do occasionally) that she doesn't want to go to her childminder I tell her sorry but she has to, and that actually it's much more interesting at said childminder's than with me because I have to work (true).

Marina · 22/09/2004 14:50

We definitely have the "because you have to and it is actually a load more fun than being at home and you know it really" moments occasionally!

Original poster
nikcola · 22/09/2004 14:54

i asked her and she said "i want to stay here"

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Marina · 22/09/2004 14:57

Well that's because she loves you and her home very much, which is lovely and understandable, but it doesn't mean that nursery is a bad place for her to be, or that there is definitely something wrong with it there.
Blu is so right about showing your dd as positive a face as possible about the changes in your routine. I don't like leaving my dd in nursery either Nikcola (even though she is too little to argue the toss and is now well settled in an excellent nursery), I really sympathise.

Original poster
nikcola · 22/09/2004 14:57

now im crying cause i think she will be like this every morning

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motherinferior · 22/09/2004 15:02

Sorry, Nik, I wasn't meaning to sound too brisk, honestly I wasn't.

What I do know is that most of the children who throw a wobbly when they arrive at nursery are thoroughly engrossed in whatever they're doing, five minutes later.

Original poster
nikcola · 22/09/2004 15:06

thats ok i no, i might drop her off on friday and spy through the window just to make sure xx

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fio2 · 22/09/2004 15:08

nickola my ds is the same, he started last week

I know this sounds heartless but I just think my ds is going to have to get used to it. He is fine when i have gone (which i am sure your dd is too!) and yesterday i stood in the room with him for 10 minutes and he qwas playing happily and hadnt even noticed I was there. plus they had took photos of him laughing and smiling to show me

These kids just know what buttons to press Im afraid

Blu · 22/09/2004 15:09

If she really is like it, every morning for a couple of weeks, and doesn't calm down and happily paint once you have left, then there is a problem.

We have all been here, honest! And it is heart-breaking, no doubt about it! But the more you let her know you are upset, the more she will actually BE upset and the more she will use the fact that you are upset to wheedle you round! She's at 'that' age, isn't she?

But when you rang, she was happily painting. if she was really unhappy at having been separated from you, she would still have been crying. And she's still very new. The more she gets the chance to be there and make friends, and get to know her carers, the happier she will be, and the more benefit she will get from it.

You are doing a great thing, making a life for yourself and for DD, but it will naturally take a little time for both of you to adjust.

Take care. XXXX

Blu · 22/09/2004 15:11

Peeking through the window is a good idea. I used to stand outside the door of Ds's nursery and listen - I never heard him cry, I did hear staff giggling with him.

Original poster
nikcola · 22/09/2004 15:24

i no she proberlly did calm down after a few mins but i realy dont want her to cry every morning, shes asleep now on the sofa,

OP posts:
Blu · 22/09/2004 15:33

Of course you don't - and she won't! She might cry again on Fri, for a bit but you know she can have a happy time at nursery, cos she did on Mon and Tue - and today after she settled.
Isn't this your study day? Stop worrying about this and read about enemas or something!

pixiefish · 22/09/2004 15:37

{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}} I'm sure she'll be ok. My boss's little boy did this and she did what you're planning- look in throught he window- lo and behold little boy was playing away quite happily

Original poster
nikcola · 22/09/2004 15:41

no my study day is tomorw today is my housework day (the house is a tip) i might go and do my english homework though while the monkey is asleep

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littlemissbossy · 22/09/2004 15:44

Nikola, don't worry she'll be fine, they all have good days and bad. My ds cried most mornings for months, but was fine as soon as I had left preschool, it was just me that felt bad all morning. Now he's started school and we have gone through the same for the last two weeks, but touch wood, no tears this week. She'll settle better soon, you'll see. lmbx

cazzybabs · 22/09/2004 15:45

My dd is like this as well and she has been going full time since she was 3 months old. However, having broken my heart to leave her their crying feeling like a terrible mother (which she does every morning without fail) when I go and pick her up she doesn't want to go.

Your dd will be fine once you have gone - I am a teacher as well and have seen this happen so many times...children cry when saying goodbye to their mums and then five minutes later you are forgotton about. Just take it as a sign she loves you and will miss you, but that she is growing up and will have a lovely day without you!

cazzybabs · 22/09/2004 15:48

Nikola BTW have you seen the message about your buggy for sale because if Guddy doesn't want it then I might be interested as well!