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Original poster

what amazed/shocked you about having a new baby???

31 replies

2wildbabies · 25/07/2004 21:19

Hello all. Just doing some research for an article I'm writing about life after baby.......and wondered if you had come across anything that had been a shock/surprise when you had your baby. Did you have lots of information about how to look after a baby, or was it a complete shock to the system to look after a small baby?????

Hope you don't mind answering this question.

Bye for now xxx :-)

OP posts:
joanneg · 25/07/2004 21:30

I found the whole thing a complete shock! My midwife gave me little information, so all my tips came from books (which contradicted each other). Wish I knew about mumsnet then!
I think that the biggest shock was how grotty physically I felt for weeks after the birth. Really rough, even though it was a natural birth. and I wasnt expected to bleed so heavily afterwards.
The other thing I found shocking was nappy changes - but thats another story!

libb · 25/07/2004 21:42

Sounds daft but I was just stunned that I was even capable of bearing, growing and feeding a small human! and then unbelievably overwhelmed when the little man made his debut - had prepared myself for lack of sleep and all that but the reality doesn't just bite! grabs you the by the bum and holds tight . . . . . Suddenly nowt much else matters as much.

Davros · 25/07/2004 21:45

I was surprised by how much other people undermine you over breastfeeding, especially women! I didn't breastfeed number 2 (not related to being undermined) and expected lots of comments but never got any!

Paula71 · 25/07/2004 21:48

2 wild, I didn't get much info on looking after ds twins. Not as much as I would have liked but I think that now has worked in my favour.

The biggest shocker though was the constant fatigue. I never in my life realised that being a SAHM with ds twins would just be so exhausting - for 2 1/2 years now!

I also never thought I would be able to deal with explosive diahorrea etc!

littlemissbossy · 25/07/2004 21:50

I was shocked at how quickly the day passed, even though I'd done nothing!! I do that now of course, but I've spent most of the day on mumsnet. I was also surprised that at nearly 2 weeks old my ds was suddenly awake and needed entertaining, I honestly thought new babies just slept/feed/pooped continously

johno · 25/07/2004 21:54

my SIL had Ds 5 months before me and i helped look after him before i had my Dsw and he never slept, wouldnt let anyone else give him his bottle, so i prepared for this and was totally stunned that my Ds was totally different, my SIL said my Ds one in a million, so i quite dreading my second child even though i trying now, i hoping to prove her wrong again,lol

Levanna · 25/07/2004 22:00

There wasn't a great deal about the 'practicalities' of motherhood that came as a shock. What did though was the totally overwhelming feeling of LOVE that came over me as she was born, that I could cry with (good!) emotions just by looking at her, that her every action intrigues and enthralls me, that this bond is forever and that there is one little person in this world that I wouldn't hesitate to die for. The real shock was that I'm capable of feeling all that!
The reason nobody warned me is because they couldn't - there aren't words poignant enough to describe my feelings for my child.

monkeygirl · 25/07/2004 22:08

I don't think any of the books I read whilst pregant ever explained just how hard the first few weeks would be and so I could not have guessed just how this tiny thing could make so indescribably happy and depressed at the same time (unconditional love and awe against all that crying/sleeplessness/endless breastfeeding/feelings of not coping etc).

Chandra · 25/07/2004 22:15

In all my tendency to over-worry and be prepared for any eventuality, I read, studied, attended courses, etc just to be sure that I would be able to respond to who was going to be the most demanding person in my life. Everybody had told me that caring for a young baby was 20 times more difficult than what you could ever imagine...I guess I worried too much, have never felt overwhemed by DS, haven't found it difficult at all (weird, isn't it?)

Angeliz · 25/07/2004 22:18

What shocked me most was the love i felt for this tiny person!
I'd look at her and think 'how is it possible not to have felt love like this before?' and that sense of,'AAHHH THAT'S what all the parents mean!' Also how incredibly vulnerable i'd just become to the world!
Through my daughter you could hurt me a million times more than any form of torture! (GOD forbid!).
I remember a quote from an actress, "i have never been stronger and yet have never been more vulnerable"

Angeliz · 25/07/2004 22:19

I cryed my eyes out thinking of Jamie Bulger after dd too. Even though it was years later

3PRINCESSES · 25/07/2004 22:41

I was stunned that the rest of the world carried on as if nothing momentous had happened. People still went to work, watched television, ate breakfast and made telephone calls, completely as normal, while I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders and the secrets of the entire universe in my head.

Couldn't fathom that at all.

Ghosty · 25/07/2004 22:54

3Princesses ... you have said EXACTLY what I felt ... wow ... no one has ever understood that when I have tried to explain it ...
I remember going around in the car and looking at the everyone in the high street going about their business and wanting to shout at the top of my voice at them, "HOW CAN YOU ALL BE AND FEEL NORMAL!"

Having my DS was the biggest shock to me .... totally overwhelmed by the hugeness of it all ... totally did my head in that had it not been for modern medicine DS and I would have been dead from the birth ... couldn't get my head around the responsibility that faced me (still have my moments there) ...
I cried on DS' first birthday from relief that we had survived and that I had managed to keep him alive (nothing wrong with him at all, perfectly healthy, just couldn't believe that I had managed to get through a year)

Not surprisingly I was on antidepressants for 18 months as I was on another planet!!

Aero · 25/07/2004 23:15

Having spent years looking after and loving other people's children, nothing could have prepared me for how much 'in love' I'd be with my own and how 'huge' that would feel. With both my boys it was immediate and overwhelming. By the same token, nothing could have prepared me for not feeling exactly the same for dd, due to a number of circumstances, culminating in a not very nice actual birth experience and an uncaring/un sympathetic midwife. I feel cheated of that feeling and immediate bond with her, though now, of course, we're v v close and the bond is v strong. It took it's time in coming though and that made me feel sad/guilty for ages!
Yes, that was a shock I wasn't prepared for.

3PRINCESSES · 25/07/2004 23:24

Ghosty...

My HV did suggest to me that I had PND, but I just thought my reaction was the right and proper one and anyone else who took the whole thing in their stride was barking mad.

Was only when I had DD2, and was happy as a pig in mud that I realised...

3PRINCESSES · 25/07/2004 23:27

Oh, and I used to look at people in the street, old ladies in bus queues and big, fat builders on scaffolding and nearly make myself cry by thinking 'that was once somebody's baby...'

Mad as a bicycle, I was. And I wasn't prepared for that at all.

libb · 25/07/2004 23:32

Practically everything has that "don't you know who I am?" feel about it - a sense of "I have done something that no-one can imagine understanding!". Except for that world of mums feeling and sharing my endless love, my fears, my hopes and my happiness . . . (and that mighty chuffed,clever person feel) in their own way

almost40 · 26/07/2004 03:05

3Princesses and Ghosty, me too! I can't describe it better than 3Princesses. I do think it was PND in retrospect. I don't know why I didn't get it after DD2, but it was only then that I realized that I was in another world after DD1. I think it does have something to do with redefining yourself from just you to someone's mother, which is really HUGE when you think about it.
Practically speaking however the big shock for me was that breastfeeding on demand meant feeding nearly all day and night for nearly 6 weeks. No one told me how much time would be spent breastfeeding! I had no clue!! I also didn't realize that breastfeeding meant that I would have to breastfeed or express every 2-3 hours for nearly 6 months. I think this fact may have been obvious to many people, but not me.

Original poster
2wildbabies · 26/07/2004 16:13

Thankyou all so much for your comments. We all seem to feel the same way. I have two children with 18 months between them, and I found it a compete shock to have a brand new baby......I felt like I knew nothing about babies.....and as for dressing my first, I thought I would break her. She seemed tiny. Although everyone kept telling me how big she was....cheek!!! Strangely enough, I thought they were all right and my dd must be the wrong size.

Anyway, I'm waffling now. Thanks again for your stories, it has really helped with my article.

ttfn, T xxx

OP posts:
JanZ · 26/07/2004 16:30

... how the pitch of a newborn's cry is DESIGNED to reverberate piercingly through your skull. It HURTS - so you want it to stop! (... either that or get our of earshot !)

Just how much your time is no longer your own after kids - and it only gets worse (ds is now 3.10). Dh talks about how ds is (or rather, the fact that we now have him to consider) "a thief of time" - one that you are prepared to give them time to, but it leaves you SO little for yourself.

tallulah · 26/07/2004 18:05

The first time I had the thought "my daughter". It sounded so grown up!

Miaou · 26/07/2004 18:52

After dd was born, suddenly finding myself saying her name 100 times a day - really brought home to me that there was a new "most important" person in my life..........

xoz · 26/07/2004 19:08
  1. That I COULD clean up a poo nappy without vomiting (I was really worried about this while pregnant)
2. That I was such a selfish person - I found I was really craving some me-time after about 6 weeks (I know that's not a bad thing, but I never thought I would feel like that!!) 3. That it was not as hard as I thought it would be - I kept looking at dd1 and thinking there must be more to it than this!!! She was an angel baby!!! 4. The instant attachment to this little stranger who suddenly become the centre of your universe. If anyone else tried to be that demanding when you first met them you'd resent it sooo much.
hana · 26/07/2004 19:39

please please please tell me I'm not the only one who didn't know.....that breast milk came out of more than one duct!

wellsie · 26/07/2004 20:22

Hana, I too was a bit naive about breast milk, it wasn't until I expressed some milk that I realised how many little holes there were!
I was completely in shock after having DS and after 7mths I can honestly say it has been the most exciting, scariest, frightening rollercoaster ride I have ever been on.
It has taken me a long time to feel confident in what I'm doing for DS as often I would just stare at him and think, "I'm not good enough for you, perhaps you'd be better off with a new Mummy."
But I am turning the corner and would actually consider having another one.
I think the hardest thing for me to deal with has been interferring relatives, full of advice and criticism. I now make an effort to switch off from what they're saying, like they said ina Friends episode "I know you're talking but all I hear is Blah, Blah, Blah!"