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Original poster

Can a rich person and a poor person be friends?

40 replies

Fio2 · 27/05/2004 11:34

I must have too much time on my hands this morning! but can they be friends? It is to do with me, I have made friends with this lady but she is really well off, her house is gorgeous etc and they are typically middle class, son goes to grammar school etc. We on the other hand are very ordinary, live in a run down house, have a 2nd hand car, son will go to local school etc. My husband is clever and has a good job. I on the other hand didnt try to do anything when I left school and feel a bit of a failure. Anyway thats not the point.

The point is can we be friends? I feel embarassed to ask her round here so I am usually at her house! god this sounds awful, i am a letch. Should I just stop worrying what she thinks of me, material wise

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 27/05/2004 11:38

I know how you feel. I have friends whose houses intimidate me and friends at the other end of the scale.

Don't let it worry you. And if it bothers her then she's not worth being friends with Maybe invite her round and make a light hearted joke about the differences in your houses?

serenequeen · 27/05/2004 11:38

if she looked down her nose at you because of your house, she wouldn't be worth knowing anyway, imo. why not just ask her round and see how it goes? good luck.

mothernature · 27/05/2004 11:39

Sounds like you have made friends due to each others personalities and not wealth, that's the best sort of friendship, don't be embarrassed, if you don't want to ask her to come to yours and you feel as though you seem to be spending your time at her's, arrange for somewhere neutural (sp?) ie coffee shop, park, shopping centre, enjoy you friendship don't worry..

CODalmighty · 27/05/2004 11:40

well pph and i are pals!

Original poster

Fio2 · 27/05/2004 11:41

my house is like the perocial house on craggy island, really I am hoping one day the flock will come back into fashion. Soupy it is nice to know I am not the only one who feels like this! She doesnt seem bothered that I am poor by the sounds of it...so I suppose that is a good start

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 27/05/2004 11:49

If flock doesn't come back into fashion, just turn it into a curry house

Seriously, I bet you have nothing to worry about.

Original poster

Fio2 · 27/05/2004 11:52

LOL it smells like one most the time

OP posts:

CountessDracula · 27/05/2004 11:52

Fio unless she is a shallow money obsessed arse (and if she were would you want to be friends with her anyway?), I wouldn't worry about it one bit. People are not friends with each other for any reason other than they like each other.

What do you mean you are a letch?

CountessDracula · 27/05/2004 11:53

Also may I point out you have just moved and of course your house is not going to be to your taste yet!

Original poster

Fio2 · 27/05/2004 11:55

a letch because it sounded like I just keep turning up on her doorstep, i dont, she does ask me, i am just being silly arent I?

OP posts:

CountessDracula · 27/05/2004 11:57

You are

You silly silly girl

If I were the richest person on earth I would still want to be your friend!

Northerner · 27/05/2004 11:59

Hi Fio. I'm in a similar position to you but with my SIL. I think you should be able to be friends, but I know how you feel. My BIL & SIL currently live in London, but are moving to the town I live in in August. I love my SIL to bits and we get on really well, but we lead totally different lives. It works when we are hundreds of miles away, but soon she'll be really close by. She doesn't know anyone here so I want to introduce her to all of my friends but my social circle is so different to hers. We have a £150k house they're buying a £900k house...... The diffence in our lives will concern me and I know I'm being silly but I can't help it.

Thomcat · 27/05/2004 12:02

I wouldn't worry about it babes. All my friends have huge houses and I live in a small modest house. It's who lives there that counts so your house must be fab!
I do understand what you mean. At my book club we take it in turns and everyone else has MASSIVE houses, loads of rooms etc etc and when we were all at mine for the meet we were all cramped into my little cosy front room. But we had a right laugh, they all said it was lovley, which it is, just becasue it's not as huge as theirs and doesn't have beautiful leather furniture and £500 lamps and a massive widescreen TV etc.
None of that matters. She 'd be coming to see you. Your home would feel nice becasue you are there and would have nothing to do with your furniture or the size of your rooms or what car you drive. Ask her over for coffee, and put your feet up on the sofa with her and let the kids run riot. She'll love it

noddy5 · 27/05/2004 12:12

it is you she has become friends with not your house.Just invite her round and be yourself it'll be fine

Soapbox · 27/05/2004 12:13

Very interesting! But this issue flows both ways - so a perspective from the otherside

I too am worried. I have a couple of mums who I met through my DD's ballet class. They are really lovely and we have a good laugh together. We've been out a couple of times in the evening without the children and had a good time.

Its my 40th birthday next month and I have invited both of them along. However, I know both of them don't have a lot of money and I, on the other hand, live in a big expensive house with all the expensive trimmings etc. The birthday do will have waiting staff and marquee etc. I'm worried that seeing all this might put them off me Whislt I think they know I am better off than them I don't think they have any idea how much better off!!

I have other longer friends who I went to uni with etc who are in different circumstances but we all started out teh same and just made different choices along the way, but somehow these new friends are different. I really would hate to think they judged me just on the basis of how big my house is!

To reassure you Fio2 teh size of their houses and the contects matters not a whit to me!!

Jimjams · 27/05/2004 12:20

My best friend from college is a multi-millionaire now (didn't start out that way). It hasn't affected our relationship at all. The rest of her family are still very "normal" so I never feel like my life is that far away from what she knows iykwim (although out lives are very different). Even though her dh sold a car for considerably more than we paid for our first house (which we were still living in at the time).

She has 3 kids and I think we have more in common through that rather than having less in common because of the money iyswim.

Bart · 27/05/2004 12:20

You all sound so lovely - why dont you live next door to me.

Fairyfly · 27/05/2004 12:22

As long as the rich person wears protective clothing and sprays the poor person with dissinfectant

Ixel · 27/05/2004 12:26

My really long term friends dont care about circumstances, as it should be. But I do feel a bit awkward sometimes if people come round, as our flat is sooo small. And I really wish we had a garden, so we could do the 'come for a barbecue' thing. I'm wondering what I'm going to do when ds starts to want birthday parties.

expatkat · 27/05/2004 12:40

Yes, unless either of you are not secure in who/what you are/have. That's when it's a problem.

60% of my friends are poets. I literally send some of them money to pay their rents on occasion--just until they get that first university job that will give them health insurance & a salary etc. And because we are close friends they accept the gesture & it doesn't affect the friendship negatively. They make it up to me by coming to visit when other wealthier friends are generally too busy with their jobs to make the journey, and by doing stuff with the kids when they're here.

I'm also friends with people with lots more money than I have. It isn't a problem for me because I feel I have enough (probably because of all the poet friends in my life!) and don't sit around wishing I had more. If someone is overly materialistic I usually find that sort of boring, though, so there has to be a similarity of values. But that's true of friendships generally.

Blu · 27/05/2004 12:46

Fio! Of course she keeps asking you. You always come across as such a lovely person, and that's what she values, and wants. Just be natural and invite her informally when the occasion arises - but don't leave it too long or she'll be on MN saying 'I met this lovely woman but I don't think she likes me as much as I like her...'

CODalmighty · 27/05/2004 12:47

EK you know a lot of poets?

whats the colective noun for them?

an angst?

expatkat · 27/05/2004 12:49

PMSL, Coddy

littlemissbossy · 27/05/2004 12:58

IMO it's the friendship that you share that counts not where you live, although I can see both sides as soapbox has said. Look at it this way Fio, for all you know she could be mortgaged to the hilt, up to her eyeballs in debt and about to have the house repossessed!!! If you get on who cares??

Original poster

Fio2 · 27/05/2004 13:07

Ok then that concludes it, I shouldnt worry! loved your comment FF

She doesnt seem materialistic anyway and I am not. I am old enough to know there are arseholes in all walks of life and nice people too, so I wont worry

OP posts:

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