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Original poster

How much time do you spend on your own?

36 replies

baldrick · 27/04/2004 10:58

There are so many pressures today to always be doing something...working, doing stuff with dh/dp and children, extended family, seeing friends, commitees, housework...in effect doing things for other people a lot (which btw is nice).....however, I was just wondering how much time in a whole week do you actually spend in your own company, whether it be reading a book, or whatever.....in today's world do people have enough quiet time to themselves..

OP posts:
carla · 27/04/2004 11:02

Never. And I do think you need to.

marialuisa · 27/04/2004 11:04

very little. DH has had a very restricted social life since we moved and i really miss my evenings alone. i'm encouraging him to go to more conferences, but at the moment I have very little free time alone. At the moment i'm in my ofice with the door shut but don't think it counts some how...

CountessDracula · 27/04/2004 11:05

Lots, when I'm working though (work from home). Bugger all apart from that

dejags · 27/04/2004 11:05

Time on my own - whats that? :;

BC I regularly went shopping on my own, read a book, had a long bath and at least once a week had a couple of hours in the evening to myself.

Now even when DH goes out for a beer after work (rarely because he hates not seeing DS before bed) I still have the bath and bedtime routine to get through.

After DS was born my DH bought me 3 separate days out at three different spa's. They were an absolute godsend and I am hoping he will do the same after our next one arrives in September.

Hulababy · 27/04/2004 11:06

Very rarely do I get any time on my own. Got about 2 hours last night and first time in ages. DH went out to a meeting and DD was asleep in bed. Spent the time online, doing some planning for work, and having a quiet drink.

Marina · 27/04/2004 11:10

Very little. But one of the few advantages of working outside the home is a half-hour commute by train. I tune out the other commuters (essential) and read or knit. And I have a 15 minute walk through the city at the end - I've deliberately chosen a backstreets route and even at 8am you can find yourself walking along almost alone. I value that "me-time" - ridiculous, isn't it.
Occasionally dh and I sit down together in silence and read - something we both used to do much more pre-children!

Marina · 27/04/2004 11:10

(OFF-THREAD, sorry)
Dejags, you're back. A lot of people were concerned about you. How are things?

Original poster
baldrick · 27/04/2004 11:17

if you have a day off work occassionally, isn't there a time when it's just you in the house, for a couple of hours..

OP posts:
Marina · 27/04/2004 11:26

Not me Baldrick! My days off all have to coincide with looking after one or more puking/coughing children, or covering for school holidays. We have offers of babysitting but what both of us crave is not staggering off to be treated like dinosaurs at the local Multiplex but sitting in our own sitting room and watching a video from start to finish without worrying about upstairs.
A friend was once asked to babysit for a posh couple known to us both, with a big house. When she turned up prepared to run through details of where they could be reached etc, the mother said blithely, oh, we'll just be upstairs for a couple of hours. Friend was very pink-cheeked and indignant about it all, but you have to admire their chutzpah I suppose. She just turned the TV up nice and loud.

Monkeysmum · 27/04/2004 11:31

I get two hours a week, but usually end up using it to catch up on stuff I don't get a chance to do with the kids around, still those two hours are fantastic even if I do spend them cleaning the b.... house

suzywong · 27/04/2004 11:31

Not much at all
I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and was looking forward to 15 minutes inthe waiting room reading old Home and Gardens, but I was called in straight away, drat.
In fact when I had to have 5 fillings over 2 sessions at the dentist in February that was the longest solo session I had had since June.

I have always envied you sorry, don't know what the current phrase is, mums the journey in to work where you can have your own thoughts or read the paper.

Original poster
baldrick · 27/04/2004 11:35

so noone in 6 months ever gets a few hours to themselves...I have a day off work today...but am going tonight so not really a day off...chores get done etc...but sometimes people do need rest...is it so bad not too be rushing about and having a nervous breakdown (btw have a workaholic boss which is one of the reasons feel so guilty about having a couple of hours to self)

OP posts:
Soapbox · 27/04/2004 11:38

Two hours a week on a friday morning while I am working at home. Otherwise only if DH is away for the night and I hate him being away overnight

Very rarely DH goes out for the evening and it is nice to spend a couple of hours once the children are in bed just chilling out with a glass of wine and a gossipy mag!

Hulababy · 27/04/2004 11:39

No Baldrick. If for any reason I have time off work - normally just school holidays for me I normally have DD with me, as her nursery is near work not home. After September though she is going to a nursery near home, so I may get the odd day then.

Original poster
baldrick · 27/04/2004 11:41

glad other people have the same problem (ie. not alone here)

OP posts:
suzywong · 27/04/2004 11:41

But even going to work there are times when you are alone, I mean waiting at a bus stop or in the car, I don't want to be a competitive mummy here, but it had genuinely just struck me that I don't even get that. What is that doing for my long term mental health I wonder?

busybee123 · 27/04/2004 11:43

absolutely none whatsoever!!!! i have got 3 kids under 4 and a half so my day is really hectic just doing the 'usual' things like feeding them and tidying up after them. I have had 4 books on my bedside table i have been trying to read for the past 6 months.....not read ANY yet...not even the first chapter. By the time I get to bed I am too tired to read!! (or do anything else come to think of it!?!?!) I don't mind though cos at the end of the day its not forever. Plus I am only 23. By the time the kids leave home, I will still be young enough to do what I want to do when I want to. It is draining not having any time for me but I still wouldn't have it any other way.

elliott · 27/04/2004 11:47

suzywong, that's precisely one of the things I value about work - my head space is much more my own! Not the commute though as I walk in with ds to nursery. On days at home I do get an hour or so during lunchtime naps - don't know how I'll cope when they go! Then in the evenings dh and I tend to veg together on the sofa.

Original poster
baldrick · 27/04/2004 11:48

oh busybee123, once your children are of school age you will...I was in your position a few years ago, except I have 2 children, not 3, 2 under 2 at one point...dh wanted to go to lunch with me today and feel a little guilty that I didn't want to, as am always tied down (like any other mum) one way or another...

Suzywong, hope you're not feeling too bad,,,actually don't like being on own anyway (people aren't islands) so tis good to have company a lot me thinks

OP posts:
KeepingMum · 27/04/2004 11:56

I love my commute, as it does seem to be the only time I can just let my thoughts run - this is safer when I am on the bike than driving! When the weather is like this and I can cycle 12 mile round trip I love that time to myself. It is very different from time alone at home when a child is sleeping or at nursery when there always seems to be some kind of stuff that needs doing. I almost envy dh's 90 minute train commute but guess that would be quite stressful everyday.

suzywong · 27/04/2004 12:02

I think that headspace thing is what SAHMS secretly envy about mums,
I don't feel bad, I imagine I will be as mad when the kids get older as I was before I had them

lou33 · 27/04/2004 13:09

None at all. Unless I actually leave the house overnight.

dinosaur · 27/04/2004 13:12

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Nutcracker · 27/04/2004 13:12

Never, and haven't a clue what i'd do with myself if i did.

Dreams · 27/04/2004 13:21

none at all and i only have one baby so i admire those of you that have 3 or 4 kids don't know how you do it!!!!