Tea room the Eighth - sun, sea, sangria, and perhaps a sandy Mellors

[DontCallMeBaby]

Greetings, welcome to the eighth incarnation of the tearoom.

The tearoom has been, and will be again, a virtual safe haven for anyone up for rather random chat and a comprehensive range of virtual snacks. Nothing in the tearoom will make you fat, or drunk (unless you want it to) or cause an allergic reaction.

The new tearoom location is a beautiful beachside cafe (no need for factor 50, the virtual sun will just lightly tan you, bring out your freckles or simply warm your skin, as you prefer) with a range of garden swings, hammocks, sunloungers, deckchairs etc (as well as a rather incongruous, but well-loved, chaise longue). For those in need of sanctuary, we have managed to fashion a new priesthole out of woven grasses.

Our fellow residents include Mellors the rugged gardener of few-but-well-chosen words, the naked mohawk babies, a coterie of bishops, various domestic pets, and a selection of others. On the human side, all are welcome - while we live in the One Child topic some regulars have more than one, and we are welcome all (except people who put their heads on one side and tell those of us with one child that it's just not fair to have only one child).

Please help yourself to a glass of Champagne and a canape on the way in ...

Ooh, how lovely! We're already on our summer holidays!

Shall we have dancing later?

well done DCMB!

hospital, justa? have you told us why? I am a bit off the ball at the mo so might have missed it.

Yes Justa, RU OK?

I'm not too sure about the dancing, because I've just read this (to me) completely surreal article on why preaching is like dancing.

On the other hand, if preaching was like sunbathing in a beautiful beachside cafe, with a glass of sangria and a deckchair, I'd be there every time (and I'm sure the churches would be full! )

I've cooked another batch of brownies, you'll have to eat 'em quick though, they'll melt in the sun!

I'm more worried about the surreality of the brownie-melting sun at 9.30 at night than the dancing preachers. That's probably just those bishops again. I wondered who was in the minibus? Have we shaken off the bison?

I like the new tearoom. The bleached floorboards, the faded sea blue paint, the veranda around the outside with the shabby chic deckchairs ... a good choice. I am glad to see that in a surreal and virtuous way Mellors managed to prepare and the potager was well manured with well-rotted seaweed. Maybe we'll just move the barbecue a bit upwind...

Tea should enjoy riding Earl Grey along the sands in the morning - I can't wait to see the view on the bay (there must be a bay, mustn't there?) For the moment, though, sipping a glass of something dark red with the French doors open and listening to the sound of the sea is not bad ....

is it safe to come in?? NO sharks?

Dont like sharks much. Like jelly fish even less, none of those on this ere beach are there?

Of course there are no sharks! There are some friendly dolphins ... oh look, wouldn't you just know it, the NMBs are riding on a dolphin. I hope they don't get mistaken for herring or something.

DD has written the next episode in the Harry story:

Next hareey Won nite hter hiz baibeey cride winc maid mim waic hteh mum caim in stop she sed

I think that roughly translates as 'next, one night Harry's baby cried and waked him, the mum came in, stop she said'. Yes, babies cry, wake you up in the middle of the night and get told to stop. That's my girl.

We have an author in our midst! Well done DCMBBaby.

Can we please have a sand dune behind the cafe, so that all the children - clad (naturally) in Boden and chic little garments sent over by Tea from Parisian boutiques - can roll down it in an engaging and photogenic manner? And ice cream in 52 Italian flavours. There must be ice cream.

We have an author in our midst! Well done DCMBBaby.

Can we please have a sand dune behind the cafe, so that all the children - clad (naturally) in Boden and chic little garments sent over by Tea from Parisian boutiques - can roll down it in an engaging and photogenic manner? And ice cream in 52 Italian flavours. There must be ice cream.

We have an author in our midst! Well done DCMBBaby.

Can we please have a sand dune behind the cafe, so that all the children - clad (naturally) in Boden and chic little garments sent over by Tea from Parisian boutiques - can roll down it in an engaging and photogenic manner? And ice cream in 52 Italian flavours. There must be ice cream.

Crikey! Crikey! Crikey!

What happened there? What happened there?What happened there?

I see that Mellors has got so warm working on the seaweed-enhanced potager that he has had to go for a swim to cool down.

Night night night, all!

Sand dune good idea but may have to staple Wriggle into little Boden numbers as she takes all her clothes off on the beach and rolls in the sand.

Has Mellors done a life-saving course or will he be adding a rubber ring to his expenses?

RacingPig and MissPiggy have been very quiet. Has anyone seen them?

ooo how wonderful, sun sea and ssgin & tonic, sorry i know terribly english but can't forego my tipple of choice. another thing that's great about this tearoom is that the gorgeous bikini i'm sporting magically transforms me to a taught size 10! now that's what i call a tearoom

p.s. MBDK, please add a warning next time before posting blood-pressure-altering pictures just as I'm trying to relax before bed ..it's undone all the camomile-tea-calmingness!

p.s. MBDK, please add a warning next time before posting blood-pressure-altering pictures just as I'm trying to relax before bed ..it's undone all the camomile-tea-calmingness!

sorry about that, got overexcited pressing the button. .

I can manage one 5yo wearing nice Boden leggings, set off with crumpled school socks and a ketchup-stained polo shirt? She at least has nice hair, even if she doesn't think so. She is available for sand-dune-rolling provided there are no bugs. And she may feel the need to stand at the top of the dune and declaim 'we have been thinking about how we look after our pets to show them we care'.

Careful readers may recall than DD has no pets.

Anyway, I will press the button veeeerrrry carefully in an attempt to only post once, and then retire with the remains of my marguerita.

Lovely to see you again, CurlyWurlyGirly. I suppose it was a bit naughty of me to post a paparazzi photo of Mellors - have we invaded his privacy? - but it seemed the right thing to do, to celebrate our arrival at the seaside.

Congratulations on the magic bikini. Do you like my skimpy little number?

By the way, the magic of the tea room also means that some customers are convinced that Mellors looks just like Sean Bean or Wesley Snipes.

RS, no need for staples - surely the point of a lovely private sandy beach with no nasties on is that one can go au naturelle, should one wish to?

NOT YOU, MELLORS!!!

Methinks - for the sake of decency and preventing a breach of the peace - we may need to impose an age restriction on going au naturel.

Or is this cafe located near Studland?

Well, at least it was Mellors and not the Bishops!!

MJ has got his beachwear on - a shortie wet-suit and factor 50. (he still ended up with a lily white body and brown arms and legs despite the factor 50, only 4 days on the beach, and holidaying in the UK!!!!)

I see there are some nice coconuts with umbrellas and straws as well!

the umbrellas have coconuts? no teh coconuts have umbrellas??? How do they hold them? are teh umbrellas to stop them getting wet or getting a tan?

mental picture of coconuts on sun loungers will keep me smiling for a while.

MT,Boy has tan line already. he likes wearing shorts from about march.

Ds also has a tan line - shorts and tshirts!

Luckily he takes after me so has a tendency to tan rather than burn (unlike dh) - but he also tans through heavy duty sunscreen as well...

I must try to get some 'good for you' sunscreen - anyone got any ideas?