Why did you choose to just have 1 DC and when did people stop asking you about the second?

[Aabbaas]

I have a 6 yo DD. Best thing ever and love her more than my own life, however, after she was born I knew I was one and done. Everyone kept saying “you’ll see, once she is a bit older you’ll definitely want another one” but 6 years later I am still convinced about this decision. DH is also onboard with that.
Reasons for not wanting another one are many, but mainly the fact that I genuinely do not feel the desire to have a second baby and I have found the first couple of years incredibly difficult. We also live in London with no family help and starting with nursery fees again would be financially draining. Pur home is small and only having one DC allows us a lot of freedom. I finally feel I can have my life back, we can travel and she is genuinely fun to be with. I wouldn’t want to miss out on all these things to be constantly exhausted with a newborn/toddler.

Most people I know have 2+ kids or none so keen to hear from other fellow one and “doners”: what are your reasons and how are you finding it? Do you get pressure to have a second one from people arouns you?

DD recently started asking to be a “sister” but I think that’s because most kids in her class are siblings. It pains me a bit when she does but ultimately we know this is the right decision for us.

I have a primary school aged child and whenever asked when I'm having a second, I like to say that why would I want another when this one is perfect first time around... and then point out how many children they have and ask if they're still trying for more. They don't ask twice.

I have an almost 5 year old and we’re one and done. For us it’s both financial (in a quality of life sense, we could afford more) and lifestyle related. I just don’t want the lifestyle that multiple kids brings, and I’m happy being a great mum being able to do everything I want to for one.

No one has really ever asked us if we’re having more. We upfront told our families that we only wanted one after he was born and they’ve never brought it up again. Sometimes people ask as small talk when we meet them for the first time, but everyone’s accepted our answer.

I would never dream of asking someone why they've got one child, I would just assume that it's either their preference or that they've tried and not been able to have another. Either way, I think it would be rude to ask the question! In the same way that I wouldn't ask a woman without children why she hadn't had any!

For me it was age plus the compounding effects of several pieces of bad luck.

I didn't meet DH until quite late in life and I gave birth to DC at age 38. To have had a second child we would have needed to crack on within two or three years, realistically. Unfortunately right after DC was born we had a very traumatic family bereavement, and we also found ourselves in a very complex elder care situation (MIL). There were a number of other things that happened that I won't go into, and DH had a period of extremely precarious mental health. DC didn't sleep through the night until age 2, had colic and has just generally been very hard work (although absolutely gorgeous, of course). There were points when I thought our marriage wouldn't make it. By the time the dust had started to settle on this whole shit show I was pushing 43 and going for a second child felt more like a big risk or pushing our luck rather than that natural next step in growing our family.

Now, I know on Mumsnet people have babies in their 40s all the time and I'm not knocking it, but in our circumstances it felt like a gamble and I decided to make peace with the family I already have.

As we approach DC's 5th birthday people are finally starting to get off my case about when th next baby is coming .

In a different life I would have loved more children, maybe 2 or 3. But I do believe there are situations where consciously limiting your family size is the more loving thing to do.

I think a lot of people just assume I'm not very maternal or I'm too career orientated (or just plain eccentric) and that's why I've got just one child, which is intensely annoying.

I now need to get better at caring less what others think!

For us it wasn't a choice but secondary infertility. I always intended to have two, though if I had my time again, I would now choose to stop at one.

I can't really remember when people stopped asking. Probably at around 6 or 7, I think. I always found it so incredibly rude.