Why did you choose to just have 1 DC and when did people stop asking you about the second?

[Aabbaas]

I have a 6 yo DD. Best thing ever and love her more than my own life, however, after she was born I knew I was one and done. Everyone kept saying “you’ll see, once she is a bit older you’ll definitely want another one” but 6 years later I am still convinced about this decision. DH is also onboard with that.
Reasons for not wanting another one are many, but mainly the fact that I genuinely do not feel the desire to have a second baby and I have found the first couple of years incredibly difficult. We also live in London with no family help and starting with nursery fees again would be financially draining. Pur home is small and only having one DC allows us a lot of freedom. I finally feel I can have my life back, we can travel and she is genuinely fun to be with. I wouldn’t want to miss out on all these things to be constantly exhausted with a newborn/toddler.

Most people I know have 2+ kids or none so keen to hear from other fellow one and “doners”: what are your reasons and how are you finding it? Do you get pressure to have a second one from people arouns you?

DD recently started asking to be a “sister” but I think that’s because most kids in her class are siblings. It pains me a bit when she does but ultimately we know this is the right decision for us.

We always sort of thought about having a second but circumstances just were against us - redundancy, no support locally, gigantic nursery fees - so we couldn't for the first 5 years. Then things are suddenly easier, you have a life again, my son had all our attention (for better or worse), money and time and we just stopped at 1.

Sometimes people ask why we stopped at one and luckily it's not a dreadful reason so I don't mind telling them.

I find some people are very fixated on this topic, especially the ones that don’t know us well at all!

I’m 49, people still ask me.

When I was younger I would ask this to other mums of little ones because I had been asked so many times myself and it seemed normal.

Now Im a little wiser I would never ask anyone unless I knew their specific circumstances incredibly well to the point where asking would be redundant because they would have already told me.

Point being, I'm surprised it comes up so often because there are so obviously so many reasons people might not have another baby, one is simply not wanting one which is great but every other reason is personal and potentially upsetting. I dont know why it's seen as an acceptable/casual question

I think the look of horror on my face when anyone asks me if I’m going to have a second is enough to stop people asking more questions!

One and done over here! So many reasons - the huge financial hit, tiny flat, forthcoming climate change, the biological clock, stressful day job, self employed work on the side and it’s been exhausting so far. I still have urges but it would be so expensive so I don’t think it’s happening. I adore my child and love being a mother, there’s a part of me that is sad about it but that’s ok!

We couldn’t have afforded 2 sets of nursery fees. I still occasionally get asked now… DS is 17!

DC is 8.. it was the hot topic at his birthday bbq when he is getting a sibling !! Despite everyone who attended knowing I had a terrible pregnancy, struggle with health issues and DC has complex needs 🤯 it’s just ridiculous to make it a conversation when everyone know it is never going to happen.

DD was desperately wanted and planned for but as soon as I knew she was DD and not DS I was fairly sure I want to stick at one. I had a horrible relationship with my sister growing up where she bullied me relentlessly and I felt I couldn’t risk history repeating itself.
I then had a difficult pregnancy and nearly died during birth. DH found parenting much harder than he anticipated and by the time both of us had recovered mentally and physically DD was about 4 and we’d settled into our routine as a 3.
We’ve periodically checked in with each other that we were still happy with our choice, if either of us had been desperate for a 2nd we would have gone for it.
I don’t think anyone has asked for a while, definitely not since I turned 40. The questions dropped off significantly after DD turned 5.

People were asking me and telling me outright to have more because my first was angelically beautiful, still is. I tried with 0 condomes, pills or etc from the age of 40 onwards and never conceived.

I think a couple of near- strangers asked me when ds was about 5 or so, but nobody I care about has ever asked me. Tbh I don’t mind talking about it. But I was fairly open about how ill my Dh was, at least to my closest friends, so they probably saw that we were hanging on by a thread as it was.

There will always be an element of regret for me but I don’t think anyone gets to live their life with no regrets at all. I believe I would have regretted having a second even more.

I don’t think I’ve ever been asked if we will be having another child. Maybe it’s because we are very open about the fact that we only ever planned to have one

I got sick of people asking me when I was having more children. Having one was more than I thought was possible due to endometriosis and nearing 30 (31 years ago), information was limited about the condition back then. I never got pregnant again and I didn’t stress myself out about it as one was a bonus. Whenever some cheeky shit asked me about having more I’d tell them I wasn’t able to have any more due to complications. That certainly shut them up, they never knew what to say.

My poor 30 year old daughter has been affected by endometriosis, really bad and born with half a uterus. She had a hysterectomy at 27, no children, she had no life due to constant periods and bleeding, poor kid. She had several miscarriages, one during lockdown, that was awful. She now has 3 dogs, they’re her babies, she adores them.

I have literally never once been asked. I must have one of those faces that makes you not want to chat to me

Always wanted two or three, but after nearly dying in childbirth and terrible sleep for years after he was born, we decided not to go through it again. No regrets!

It did use to smart when people pushed, asking us when we would have a second, as we were traumatised by the birth. People have some weird views on it though and like to intrude. I was once called selfish by a colleague for stopping at one child. Everyone stopped completely when he was four.

He's nearly ten now and great fun, I'm so glad we didn't fall to outside pressure. Easier with cost of living too now. We can travel and didn't need a bigger place. He has loads of mates so never a dull moment.

DD was about 10 when people finally stopped asking. I still get the odd ‘only one?’ weird head tilt from new people.
We only ever wanted one child, preferably a girl and luckily that’s what I got. DD has never wanted a sibling and I wouldn’t have had another even if she had. I love having just one, it gives you the experience of parenting with a lot more freedom, less finance stress and drudgery than multiple children.

I always thought I would have 3 or 4 children. However my pregnancy was ghastly, I bled throughout and was hospitalised several times, on bed rest, etc etc, the 9 months was miserable.
I was adamant I would not be doing it again! I have never regretted that decision. He turns 41 in the New Year and we have always been extremely close. I always shut down any questions about any more children as it’s such a personal thing, I found the questions really intrusive!

I'm 34 and DD is 9 next month I still get asked but DD is passed "wanting a baby sibling" I think she would be at a age where a baby would irritate her more than ever especially as I'm single af and I'd want to be in a relationship for at least 3 years before having another - and that would be quite a gap. So yep, one and done forever