I'm sorry this is a lot but I'm at breaking point mentally, I just wish I'd seen it all coming but I don't know how I didn't except I just wanted a normal family so much but I didn't see the issues having no decent family would cause! This is a lot but I'm in such an unusual situation, an awful situation that would be most people's nightmare! We had our daughter at 33, due to her terrible sleep and behaviour we haven't managed to have another as we'd hoped that's the first issue I'm dealing with as never planned an only child! The other issue is my mum died shortly after she was born with a sudden late stage cancer diagnosis. My dad (step dad) fallen apart since & I'm dealing with seeing him hugely struggle, my real dad is truly the most awful & strange person I've ever met!!! I can't undertand just how he is my father at all, he's so self centred and odd, we're NC until I was 21 but it's not worked since he's so strange it's like unbelievable how we are even related! His Nan app told my mum before she died that she also never bonded with him (she was app more like myself) my partners mother walked on them all when they were little they have no contact, we were not traumatized by our childhoods, my mum was there but not there she had her own tragic childhood losing her mother at 11 to cancer with a father she didn't get on with, it's honestly all so awful! All we wanted was to have a normal family! We have worked our asses off to provide a decent home and live in a nice place but we feel so out of place here and are so lonely and I am wracked with such guilt that we have such little family for her and wracked with guilt for not considering how this would impact our child!!! I'll never forgive myself for us just thinking that she'd be ok with just us! It's crippling the guilt and I'm struggling now with major depressive moods, how is this someone's reality,all our reality! How do I move forward to keep my head to be here for her! I feel so bad about it that I wish I could take us all away from this awful situation, I feel like we're surrounded by so many normal families and everyone must think we're such bad people for making this decision and not also providing another sibling but it's not been easy it's been gruelling! To add to this my bond with my child is also difficult as she has so many traits like my dad who I didn't get on with which is another blow to an already hard situation! I just wish I'd seen it all coming and I desperately need some advice on how to keep moving forward because I feel like giving up because it all seems so hopeless
I make an effort to see as many friends as we can but this is hard with being so busy but I make as much effort as I can and despite my daughter again being so different to eachother I'm trying to make much effort as I can but it is hard as it's obv just like with my dad we're so different.
I feel like there can't possibly be many people in this world that have a life that's turned out like mine and I feel sorry for anyone that has; if there is anyone that can relate to my situation or can advise me as I'm at rock bottom, I don't know how much longer I can cope 😓