44 and pregnant talk to me

[springseason22]

I just don't know what to do..

I'm 43. Have a beautiful DD just turned 3. A lovely home, hubby and I still work a few days a week in a job I love..but I've got this constant nagging that I should have another baby...I just don't know if we should and stay as just three! Also think I might be past it now...I don't know anyone who has had a baby at 44! Most have had their third at the age I had my daughter - 40!

Feeling anxious about making the right decision on this for my daughters sake. Help!

Hey there! I had my 2nd just before my 40’s but wanted to pass on that my lovely midwife told me she had her 1st baby aged 45 and 2nd at 48, and they were both healthy, so it can be done 🙂 Also a colleague had her 1st at 40 and 2nd at 43. Try not to worry and just go with what is right for you and your family

Are you pg now?

Sorry that read like I am pregnant 🤪

I was asking wether I'm too old to try at 43 now and probably have the baby at 44...

Following this as it is almost the same situation I am in. I think about it constantly

I’m 43 and still trying to have my first, on my own. Forget about your age or what anyone else might think, if you feel like it’s right for your family then go for it.

Well other people do it but it's more of a question as to whether you can and / or want to and only you and trying can answer that one.

I'd give it a go x

Had mine at 43 and 46. If you both want another child then go for it.

If you'd had your first in your 20s or early 30s and they were nearly grown up I'd think it was maybe not such a good idea, but your child is so young you are still very much in the young child world so I say go for it. If you are still ovulating and having periods you are probably in with a good chance. Remember pre-pill it was fairly usual for women to have children in their 40s. Good luck whatever you decide :)

I am pregnant now at 43, with my second, no idea if it will succeed, but I am glad I tried, I couldn't let it pass me by, yearning for another baby ever since my first was born. I'm nervous of the judgement when I tell people, already had out loud what at your age exclamations with my first. Also the realistic slight horror at what am I doing going back to baby days, nights, sleepless etc, but excited too. Its taken 9 months, I had my contraceptive implant still in during covid last year, couldn't get it removed till this year, so I'm later than I would've preferred, but going for it.

It is important to discuss it with your DP to make sure you decide on what is best for all three of you.

Also, please be aware that as you get older the risk of miscarriage increases (from around 20% at 35 years, 40% at 40 years and 75% at 45 years).

Also, there are increased risks of birth complications and disability.

So although there are women who fall pregnant in their forties, the journey to a happy healthy baby is not without risk

www.nct.org.uk/pregnancy/tests-scans-and-antenatal-checks/pregnancy-and-birth-for-women-over-35

Had mine at 39, 40 and 43. Exhausting but oh, so worth it. Being older parents we're happy that our children have siblings.

Thank you for all your reply's. Totally aware of the risk of implications. I had all of that when i fell pregnant with my daughter at 39. Gave birth a week after I turned 40. The "geriatric mother " I was!

We are still 50/50 but also thinking it's nice just the three of us so maybe it will turn out that way.

Also..wow this very depressing...so glad I didn't read this when we were TTC at 39!!

www.nct.org.uk/pregnancy/tests-scans-and-antenatal-checks/pregnancy-and-birth-for-women-over-35

Good luck with whatever you decide OP, that either outcome brings you some peace and happiness, I do have a rational part of my brain telling me another baby might not be the answer that my strong feelings are telling me I'm looking for, it might not go right, or there might be a terrible outcome, but I guess that's the trick of motherhood, all the hormones, longing, forgetting the harder parts, kidding myself it'll all be fine and live up to the romantic dream, sold a bit of a lie eh! I wish I hadn't read that link but kind of glad I did too. The risks are real, but here I am, I was geriatric last time too at 39.

I had my daughter at 43 after years of IVF treatment and eventually turning to donor eggs. I'm now 45 and we still have two frozen embryos in storage which I think about all the time. My husband is dead against another and I do feel like it's sensible to stick as as family of 3 as I'm exhausted but it's something I do think about a lot.

@happymum24 I saw your reply and was wondering how you were going with the decision?
How old is your first?

As a mum to 2 adults with a 10 year gap between them, I’d say it’s much harder being an older mum. I had my 1st at 25 then second at 35, so almost 10 years younger than you now are. I’ve got 2 grandchildren whom I adore, and look after one day a week - it’s exhausting and I’m in good health!
I feel it’s important to help my children out as much as possible, both financially and practically. I had to work full time in a job I hated whilst they were at Uni so I could support them, then help the, get on the housing ladder. They don’t need my money now, but still need lots of practical support, which I’m able to give. Had I been an older mother, and be 10 years older than I now am, I’m not sure I’d have enough energy to do what I do for them!

@Soontobe60 that's great.
I'm in a different position to yourself. No money worries and financially comfortable. I can return to work part time if I wish.
I had my first at 40 and felt it was the best age for me to have our first.

I know someone who is currently 44 and pregnant! As far as I know everything is fine with the pregnancy and baby is nearly due

Best of luck with either accepting you’re having no more children or trying to have another kid.
The posts about it being tiring being an old parent are irrelevant for you as you have a young child so you are in good position to remember what it’s like having a baby and to assess whether you can cope with another.

Good luck to you. I hate all the doom and gloom around older mums. I think people are only aware of pregnancies with issues and people struggling to conceive over 35. It's pretty clear from the replies on here that many, many women have children in their late 30s and above without issue. I even think some doctors have a warped view as they only see those who need help.

I had mine at 36 and 39. No issues at all. I

I’m 46 and would have loved a second to join my DS, born in 2017. Due to family circumstances that wasn’t possible.

However I do feel that people tend to spend more time considering having a baby / toddler in their 40s (fine), and perhaps not enough time considering having a teenager in their late 50s / early 60s. Especially when the menopause is factored in.
I’m not sure how it’ll be, I’ll see when I get there, god willing!

I’m in a similar position. I have a DD who is three and I’m 45. I have frozen embryos so I do still wonder about it. Some days I do want to try for another and some I don’t. I don’t like to pressure society places on age and pregnancy - there are so many other reasons that having a baby may not be a good idea such as relationship stability or financial security but for some reason that is never what seems to be on MN posts - it’s all about age. So in answer to you’re question, no you are definitely not passed it. You’re in a great position in terms of lifestyle etc as you’ve explained. Good luck whatever you decide x

Unlikely that you're going to conceive naturally at 44.

@Basicbitch40 I think your username says it all. Good luck to YOU. 👋