When only child refuses hotel kids club?

[phoenix1973]

We have an only child who is 9.
I'm knackered after our 2 week "break" to turkey.
She won't go yo kids club.
I envied the parents with a tribe of kids, who just lounged whilst their kids entertained themselves all day.
How do you get them to use kids club?

Can you bring a friend? Otherwise it's plain old bribery or plan kid friendly hols.

We considered inviting a mate but then the huge responsibility of someone else's child dawned on me so I bailed on that idea.
We went to a place with its own great water park on the beach. Slides, sea, funfair etc. That's pretty kid friendly. But when I have yo do it all day with her.........not adult friendly.
Free lollies, ice creams, sludges, whatever, so bribery already supplied.

Feel for you - it's dreadfully hard

The solution of taking a friend or holidaying with another family is not always possible and can also bring its own problems

I don't know what you can do to encourage her to attend kids clubs but it must be v hard for an only if big tribes of kids who already know each other sort of are allowed to dominate

I think if it were me I might consider doing only trips of a week if I had a child who didn't like kids clubs

but it must be v hard for an only if big tribes of kids who already know each other sort of are allowed to dominate

Lymmmummy has absolutely nailed it with this comment.

From my experience, my advice would be - don't force her to go to kids club. The reason is if the matter is pressed all the time it MAY make her feel like a social 'failure' in some way even when she isn't at all. I think it's much more important to build a child's self confidence and self respect than insist they socialise - and this applies as much to children with siblings as it does to only children.

Its not important really what a child does on any given holiday but what IS important is how they handle life subsequently in school and in later years etc. I personally would allow her to spend the holiday however she wants to while focusing on building things life self respect etc - in a few years it's likely she'll want to socialise more of her own volition!

I think you really need to consider a different type of family holiday which doesn't involve putting your DC in childcare

Some DC like kids clubs, some don't. Yours doesn't so move on!

It is definitely possible to have a lovely family holiday without childcare, regardless of whether you have one, two, three or more DC (I don't know anyone IRL who goes on those types of holiday and we all seem to manage to enjoy our holidays!)

She's 9 . Does she really expect constant entertainment on holiday and at home ?

I can see how you get dragged into always doing something with her / for her but maybe you need to modify that expectation ? Split the time into mum and dad choose what we do and dd chooses ?

So half a day active and half a day by the pool reading a book or what ever.

Maybe spend the next few terms at home allowing her to get bored and learn to entertain herself some of the time.

I hope you chose some of the activities too - visiting cultural things as well as the water park etc

What resort was it? Sounds lovely
(Sorry to go off topic!)

Isn't that what holidays with children are like?

I have 2 and haven't had a holiday where I have taken my eyes off them from morning to night. Yes it is exhausting but that is what happens when you have children. Isn't it?

I wouldn't force her to do the kids club, my son would have hated anything like that. Can you not make sure she's plastered with sun lotion then she can go in the pool, get a couple of blow up water toys, I bet she'll get chatting with other kids. I think shes a bit old for kids club, I maybe wrong. It's nice to go on a couple of sightseeing trips too, get her out and about. The way you are talking, she shouldn't be this much work.

My DD doesn't do kids clubs either.

I always 'forced' DD into friendships, talking to kids of her age myself, chatting to parents, playing games and letting/inviting other kids to join in. Once the ice was broken it was easier for her to become friendly with them. We've had some great successes over the years; she's atill in touch with a couple of girls from holidays 3 years ago!

Some just don't like them

I have two children, neither would ever go to a kids club.

At 9 years they don't need constant supervision either. Surely in your senario she could have been using pool alone as a hotel lifeguard also there so you could have been on sunbed reading without 100% attention. And she could have read etc

Why do you want her to go to kids club? Surely at 9 years old she can join you in anything you want to do.
You can't make someone do something they don't want, she would be absolutely miserable if she doesn't like things like that.

You're knackered from a two week break to turkey with one 9 year old?

Seriously

I'm not so sure larger families with 'tribes' as you call them are having the child free relaxing time you describe with or without the use of a kids club. Their dc will be back and forth too.

I have three and they've never joined kids clubs but they do make friends just by chatting to other children as ButteredToast describes.

Usually though that doesn't mean they're all off at once. Older dd has never been as bothered to do that and would most definitely have hated a kids club. So we've usually had at least one still with us at any given time. It's what happens as parents isn't it? I don't mind that because they're all good company but they wouldn't expect me and Dh to be whizzing up and down slides all day with them.

I was an only child and no way would I have wanted to be in a kids club. I think you've made this harder than it needed to be. Just be clearer that it's ok to do your own thing but don't expect mum and dad to be entertaining 100% the time. You don't have to do everything with her in the absence of other friends.

Firstly, I have an only child but wouldn't want to make or persuade him to go into a kids club because holidays are time for your family to be together surely. She may be refusing because she feels like you're trying to get rid of her?
But secondly, at 9 I would not expect a child to require constant supervision/entertainment that exhausts you. At this age is she not old enough to mess around in the pool whilst you keep an eye on her from a sun lounger?
Next holiday I would plan each day with her the evening before. Sometimes she can choose for you(or dad) to do some child centred things. Other times you could choose an activity for you both to do and then some days will be chill out days where she can relax with you, go to the kids club or mess around in the pool whilst you watch on.
As a mum of an only I can sympathise as you very easily get cast in the role of chief entertainer/best friend but try to work during the year on her ability to entertain herself and become more independent.

Can your daughter swim? If so, she should be able to manage at least some of the water slides on her own; and she would get chatting to other children.

I have an only DS- just 6. He is really great at playing by himself- I thought that was the up-side of being an only, that you learn to entertain yourself? I will also admit that DS is quite 'adultified' from the amount of time he spends alone with us. It means he's really easy to be with because he is used to just doing whatever we want to do.

I think you could work on making sure she can find her own things to do for a stretch of at least a couple of hours, then, next holiday, every morning you can do something you want to do and every afternoon you can say that she has to stay where you can see her but has to entertain herself. There will still be time for her to do some kid stuff.

I thought that was the up-side of being an only, that you learn to entertain yourself?

Absolutely! I always did and still like my own company. If you are naturally gregarious you will seek out other people, if not then you'll do your own thing. But being pushed into a club if it's not your thing sounds ghastly.

I have two DC and they don't like kids clubs either, but no way do DH and I spend all day entertaining them! We do stuff with them (playing in the pool, going to a water park, visiting a zoo, whatever), but then we have 'quiet time' where they have to read or play on the iPad while I sunbathe and read my book and DH usually naps. Holidaying with a toddler can be exhausting, but a 9-year-old is old enough to entertain herself at least some of the time (mine at 8 and 5 and they can). Its all about what expectations she has. If you are constantly doing stuff with her then sure, she'll expect that, so I would make it your business to lower those expectations before you go away again. A lot!

I've never liked the idea of putting my children into kids clubs on holiday, personally. I guess it is different having more than one child as they do sort of entertain each other... But I think you have to accept that your child doesn't enjoy kids clubs, and plan a different type of holiday. It is her holiday too, can't you find something you all enjoy? We prefer more active holidays as it suits all of us, so we choose somewhere we can go walking, exploring, museums, theme parks etc, keeps us all busy and happy! Then there are times when I want to sit on the balcony with a nice cold beer and the kids have to entertain themselves - usually with their phones/tablets or the TV which is fine with me. We stick to UK holidays, personally, I don't think it is much cheaper as we spend on days out etc, but at least we can get CBBC on the telly ;) I wouldn't dream of trying a relaxing 2 week holiday in Turkey, it just wouldn't suit my family. You need to find a type of holiday that suits you all. What does your 9yr old enjoy doing? Could you do outdoor pursuits, horse riding, climbing type excursion? It must be difficult with only one child as she doesn't have siblings to play with but there must be many families who make it work.

Mine needed constant supervision and entertainment. I also get very nervous. Dd is 16 and at work yet as soon as I see a pool or a body of water I cannot take my eyes off them.
I am a very good swimmer yet my dc and water makes me a nervous wreck

We're on hol now with our only DD age 6.
She's been going to kids club every other morning for 2 hours, by choice. It's been amazing, they've done Mini Olympics, a treasure hunt, art and craft and a chocolate party. There's a Halloween party on Fri. She did a dance class this morning and yoga yest.

She's had the time of her life and been talking to and playing with kids of lots of other nationalities.

Can you take your DD along just to 'see what they're doing'? The reps are usually great with shy kids and don't force them to be on show. It's your holiday too and you need some time to chill out.

We're in the same situation with DS 7.
A typical day on our recent holiday went like this

Morning-excursion (just a short one,usually 3 hours,we went with Thomson who had plenty to chose from) or exploring off resort.

Lunch

Chill time in our room-DS would watch a film we'd close our eyes for a bit, usually 30 mins to an hour just to get out of the heat.

By then it was usually mid afternoon so we'd head down to the pool. 30 minutes all of us playing together,30 minutes of tag team. So I'd read while DH and DS played then vice versa.

Evening meal and then arcade.

DS hates any form of organised fun so kids club is absolutely out.

We went for 7 days. 2 weeks would have been way too long.

I wouldn't expect an only child to necessarily be happy with the idea of a kids club. Mine is 10 and she would only go with a friend.
I have just taken her away to Cornwall and booked her a surfing lesson for 1st day. She was nervous and quiet, but asked do it again and again a 3rd time. She's still not really talking to anyone there but she's comfortable with the set up and really enjoying the activity. She'll go away with a new skill and great memories.

Corial-we've done lots of holidays in this country. This was actually the first year we'd gone abroad. I find them much easier,do you? You can drive around more,explore more,do more activities together. Especially places like Cornwall. I mean,you could obviously do the same abroad but if you haven't got an endless budget then the UK has a lot to offer. We've done mountain biking,body boarding,flying kites, exploring castles and caves. Not relaxing as such but certainly great fun that you can all do together.

Just think in a few years we'll all be able to sun bathe and read and relax as much as we want and we'll miss them desperately!