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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

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Original poster

So tell me all about your only DS...

28 replies

Llanarth · 14/03/2011 08:05

My boy has just turned 3 and looks likely to stay an only child.

The only older only child I know well is a girl, and she thrives on it fantastically - but she is calm, wistful, gentle and spends hours colouring in and cutting out paper clothes for her dolls.

But that is so far removed from my boy - who is boisterous, confident, physical, crazy, can't sit still for a minute - that I find it impossible to imagine what life might be like when he's older.

So collective wisdom on this board , please share all about your school-age+ only boys, for example, how have their personalities evolved? what activities are they interested in? how do they occupy themselves when friends have gone home? how is your relationship with them? how sociable are they? what are they like with younger children/animals? what are their aspirations for their futures etc etc etc

Thank you in advance for your responses!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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loftyclodflop · 14/03/2011 23:55

Llanarth - I know you're asking for replies from parents with only sons but I just thought I'd point out that my only is a girl and she isn't "calm and wistful" nor does she "spend hours colouring in and cutting out paper clothes for her dolls" (I bloody wish she would )

She is 6 and, like your boy, boisterous and confident, very sporty and sociable. She does some after school and weekend sports clubs and also has a lot of fun with us. So don't go thinking that older only girls spend their time doing needlepoint and being quiet

Hope you get some replies from mums of boys!

Original poster

Llanarth · 15/03/2011 07:21

Thanks for replying loftyclodflop! And I am relieved to hear about your boisterous girl!

When I was talking to the parents of this girl, trying to picture the future for our boy if we stick with one, they were like 'oh, we barely ever see her, she loses herself in her own world for hours at a time, we have to remind her to come down and eat'. That's so unlike my boy (on so many levels) as to be completely useless!

Of course, it might be that my boy mellows into a more wistful calm creature as he grows (but I doubt it - as my SIL said to me the other day "I can picture DS when he's grown up, larger than life, standing at the barbeque, beer in hand, wearing one of those aprons with a naked womens body painted on, complete with boob tassles"

OP posts:

knottyhair · 15/03/2011 13:02

Hi Llanarth. My DS is 7 and he is full of energy! He's very close to both me and DP. Likes to spend time in the kitchen cooking with me or up in the workshop with his dad doing things with wood ! He has 3 friends who all live within walking distance of our house and are in his class, and he sees a lot of them. I can honestly say that he is better at sharing his stuff then his friends who all have siblings. When he's here with just us, he loves Lego, making camps, bouncing off the sofa, making up imaginary scenarios, painting, making things. He only does one activity which is kick-boxing which he's done since he was 4. I guess he has "mellow, wistful" moments but generally he's on the go. With regards to his friend's younger siblings, he LOVES them and is very gentle and kind. Having said that, he's never really asked for a brother or sister. He talked about it when he was about 4, and we sold explained all the pros of not having any, and he's said since that he doesn't want one. But I must admit, when I see him being so lovely with his friend's baby sister, I do think "he'll would've been a lovely brother" but I guess the reality is that he's lovely & gentle because he doesn't have to deal with all the downsides of it, e.g. lego models getting broken, me & DP having less time, jealousy etc. That's a long reply - I'm off now .

Lillyofthevalley · 15/03/2011 14:36

My DS is 6 and although has his moments of pretending to sulk (very funny) has a very active imagination, extreamly caring and a great sense of humour. He prefers to spend time with me and his Dad rather then being on his own watching TV/playing in the other room, which is lovely.

Personally I don't regret only having the one, although the desire to buy him stuff has to be squashed quite alot as I don't want him turning out to be a spoilt brat. He has never asked for a brother or sister and we are very close - he's always telling me how much he loves me. DH says he's a mummies boy lol but he loves to help Daddy do building stuff as well

UniS · 16/03/2011 11:13

Mine is 5 and currently hes under the stairs playing farms. he does have a lot of toy tractors to occupy him.

We do stuff as a 3 some at weekends, bike rides, walking etc. DS is expected to help in the garden as well as play while we are doing garden work. He likes going to the playground or playing football at the rec after school and does 2 after school activities with other local kids.

CMOTdibbler · 16/03/2011 11:27

My ds is 4.10, and a livewire. He's very social, and loves school. He does gymnastics and ballet at school, and rides. I'm sure next year he'll be doing rugby and football club too.

He's really happy, and so are we. I do think 3 is the worst age for active children as theres less they can do - a good school is fab for letting them get rid of the excess energy

Original poster

Llanarth · 17/03/2011 10:14

Your boys all sound delicious - exactly what I hope for my boy. Thanks so much for replying!

CMOT - I would love to get my boy into riding (I used to have a horse when I was younger) - what age can they start?

Knottyhair - I know what you mean about wondering whether your DS is lovely and kind to smaller children cause he doesn't have to deal with them daily. My boy is lump-in-your-throat loving and gentle with babies but is indifferent (or mean) to our two long-suffering dogs, whereas his friends with siblings but without dogs push over the babies but are so respectful and cute with my dogs!

OP posts:

loftyclodflop · 17/03/2011 10:46

Erm, Llanarth, you neglected to say that my DD sounds delicious. I shall go into a massive sulk if you don't do so - you know how PFB we parents of onlies can be

NormanTheForeman · 17/03/2011 10:56

I have a 10 year old ds. I suppose he isn't your typical boisterous boy, but neither does he spend ages colouring etc. He has lots of interests, which include playing cricket, playing drums, goes to cubs and a lifeguarding/swimming class. He also spends time reading, drawing (tends to draw a lot of vehicles and technical type stuff), and playing with his Playmobil, Lego etc. He also enjoys helping me cook. His other interests include cars (loves Top Gear) and lifeboats, and enjoys any tv programmes which involve the emergency services (police, rescues etc). And sciencey stuff. Not so interested in history etc.

He is I suppose, quite a well-rounded person, well-behaved, but confident. He isn't really interested in animals at all. He has never wanted a sibling, but is quite good with other people's younger siblings.

He is good at entertaining himself for long periods, but also enjoys company, but has a small group of good friends rather than a large gang.

CMOTdibbler · 17/03/2011 11:07

DS started riding when he was 3 (actually 2 when he had his first ride). The stables is a great enviroment for children as the one we go to has a pond and is v child friendly, so there are always a group of them messing about. His best friend ( a girl who is an only) goes too, and they love to just hang out in the hay barn or jump in puddles together.

In fact having a friend who is an only is fab as they want to sleepover, play together, go on outings together, and it works out well for both sets of parents

knottyhair · 17/03/2011 11:43

CMOT, I know what you mean about having a friend who's an only if possible. Actually, none of DS's best friends are but funnily enough none of them has a brother. One has a younger sister with a 6 year age gap, one has an older sister and they have no real interest in playing with each other, and the third has 2 younger sisters, 3 and 5 years younger so the same there! They are a very tight group and love having sleepovers etc. and although I think DS quite likes the chaos at the third friend's house, he's glad to come home afterwards. He also gets to witness the downsides of having siblings in terms of arguments, toys getting damaged and not being able to do certain things due to finances or nap-times etc. Lofty, your DD does indeed sound lovely!

Original poster

Llanarth · 17/03/2011 11:45

Loftyclodflop - of course your girl sounds totally scrumptious too!

This thread is making me feel so positive and excited about the future with our only!

OP posts:

loftyclodflop · 17/03/2011 12:39

Thank you, Llan and knotty

Glad this thread has made you feel positive and excited about having a wonderful only, Llan. BTW have you visited the tearoom yet?

Original poster

Llanarth · 17/03/2011 13:33

I haven't yet Lofty, thing is I don't like tea or coffee. Does hot chocolate ever make an appearance in the tea-room? Preferably with squirty cream and mini marshmallows with a chocolate dusting (but, like, I'm not really obsessive on the toppings, I have been known take it without)

OP posts:

Alocin · 17/03/2011 14:27

Hello!!! I've just logged in to find some positive things said about only children and this has really cheered me up! We have DS of just 4 who is as bouncy as they come and very sociable, and whilst I cant bear the whole idea of pregnancy etc again I'm starting to get pangs of worry about whether I am cruelly denying him a sibling! Really great to hear some happy stuff about only kids.

CMOTdibbler · 17/03/2011 15:14

Llanarth - amazingly, you get whatever drink you like, tis magic like that. We are very keen on squirty cream too

Its been an amazing source of support to me over the years too

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 17/03/2011 17:08

oh this is lovely! my ds is an only (well he has a half sister from dh's first relationship but she is 13 years older than him and we hardly see her) and i am so chuffed to read so many lovely descriptions of boys! mine is 4.10 and is bonkers one minute, totally tv zombie the next, can never tell. Am hoping school in august will help him grow socially (scottish system)

memphis83 · 17/03/2011 17:17

not my ds but a friends, he is 8 and such a lovely lad, he will sit well at the table if we go out to eat together and he will occupy our 8 month old too, he is great with our dog and our ds loves him! he is really sociable and caring, and can play on his own well too. I feel bad for my friend they are more than happy with their one boy, but she gets asked all the time so your not having anymore then? Like she has made a bad choice, but clearly looking at him shes done a great job!!

timetomoveon · 18/03/2011 18:43

This is such a great thread, thank you.

I have a ds who is about to turn 3 and is definitely a live wire - but very lovely just as he is. You've all given me lots of positive things to look forward to. Thank you :)

Cakeybaker · 20/03/2011 00:42

My ds is almost 15 and we are very close. He is quite confident and very able to talk about feelings so he's quite popular with girls as friends iyswim. I've tried to expose him to different things - karate, music, sport etc and let him find what he likes. Mostly, however, he seems to like the computer! He socialises on there alot, with friends in RL as well as kids he's met through gaming (he's very IT savvy, never had any issues there)and I'd rather that than hanging around the streets. Although we spoil him something rotten (I would have liked more but it was not to be) he isn't really spoiled because he appreciates that he is lucky, and is very generous himself. Generally he's good company. I've made him sound perfect - he definitely isn't! but who is

knottyhair · 20/03/2011 06:23

Cakey, he sounds lovely. It's nice to hear from someone who's DS is a teenager, and has such positive things to say.

oxeye · 20/03/2011 23:44

hello, thought I would add to the boy of juy fest (and girl too!)
I have an only DS who is 4 1/2 and just lovely. Blithe and bonny, always happy and smiley - he does have bad spots, who doesn't, but his demeanour is ever cheerful

He's sociable and chatty as the chattiest thing he loves joining in with DS and me, whatever is going on, we have a great time as a threesome

oxeye · 20/03/2011 23:44

errr... meant to be boy of joy. I should preview!

cat64 · 21/03/2011 00:00

This reply has been deleted

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theredhen · 08/04/2011 09:37

My DS is 13. He's a bit of a "geek" by his own admission. Fairly quiet (but I am too) and he is very good at sharing, in fact, a bit too good. I don't understand people who say only children can't share because DS has always been very good, which I suspect is because he has never had to say "no" to anybody, so doesn't really know how!

He's not overly sporty but has been a "real boy" and liked climbing trees, going to the park, swimming, judo, cubs etc. which is good as I have been a single parent for most of his young childhood.

Sometimes, he can be a bit negative, but I suspect that is more to do with his Dad's genes than his upbringing - at least I keep telling myself that!

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