Concerned my daughter says a nursery staff member has hurt her

[Kardelen]

Hi,
I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice.
my daughter has been attending the same nursery for about 1.5 years. She was happily going until a new member of staff joined the team ( it’s been a good few months now).
she is now 3.5 years old. But she hates going nursery. Before the summer break she was telling me how that staff member hit her ‘very hard’ and demonstrating it and didn’t want to go in, and kept saying she’s scared. But I thought maybe it’s because she doesn’t want to go in.

affer the summer break I’m even more concerned as she is more verbal about it, and she says she hates school, and randomly demonstrates saying miss b did this, showing me how the staff member squeezed her leg. She also keeps saying ‘she slapped very hard on my arm’. She also said how the staff member apologised for doing it.

I haven’t sent her back since then as she does not want to go in, and so I don’t feel comfortable sending her. Last few times at the door she seemed scared, and kept saying she’s scared.

it doesn’t help that her friends also left the nursery this year.
i will be speaking to the manager but I don’t want to accuse anyone, and so I’m really overwhelmed.

has anyone experienced this? Did anyone take it to the manager? Or that their child made up stories?

@RosesAndHellebores
Bloody hell that’s awful .

I would put it in writing to the nursery manager. My daughter said similar about a staff member at her nursery (but it was all verbal abuse, not physical) and I emailed the manager with a factual account of what my daughter had said and when, and closed with something like "I'm not sure how to take this forward, but can I leave it in your more experienced hands?" I already had a good relationship with the manager and trusted her, and she did take it really seriously and launched a full investigation. It was all anonymous, so only she and the room leader knew who had made the report.
As others have said, it's unusual for children to fabricate several different stories of an adult hurting them in different ways.

Write down exactly what your daughter has said and tell the manager when you meet with her. Also, tell her that your daughter is now saying she's scared and doesn't want to go to nursery despite being happy there for more than a year. Don't speculate how it could have been accidental, or say that she may have exaggerated - just state exactly what the child has disclosed. It's then up to the manager to investigate.

Tell them exactly what your daughter said to you, without mentioning any of your thoughts on what happened for example, dont state your thought about it being maybe accidental. State that this is not usual for your daughter and that she appears to be scared to return to the nursery. I hope they investigate properly, and that your daughter is okay.

I would also report this to Ofsted. You child knows exactly what has happened to her and you need to stop it happening to someone else.

Hi, so the staff memember didn’t who made the complaint? Or would you be a me to explain how it was anonymous? I’d want this too

i Know some people are saying it’s probably a misunderstanding,but also the staff member could be just horrible and did it on purpose,whether you were told they are nice or not.im glad you have kept your child off.

Okay so now I’m really confused. Despite her telling me herself how the staff member hit her, and actually demonstrating on herself, after half hour she’s completely changed Ig saying she likes the teacher and the teacher didn’t hit her?

I don’t know what im supposed to do :( is this even normal

But she is still saying she doesn’t want to go and that nursery is ‘bad’.

So was she telling you a couple of months ago that Miss X slapped her, and then more recently repeating it and also saying the same teacher has squeezed her leg?

Fawning is a trauma response.

Why are you so reluctant to take action? What is the worst that can happen if you report vs what could happen if you don't report and this person is actually a child abuser? Your priority is your daughter.

Were you asking her about it? She might feel like she said something wrong if so, and be trying to take it back.

Definitely meet with the nursery but I wouldn’t go in accusing people, just state what your daughter said. Although it’s even more tricky now that your daughter has changed what she said happened.

I state it exactly how your daughter describes it's their job to find out if it was an accident or not !
And why is there no CCTV I thought all nurseries required these now ? I don't have small.children so correct me.if I'm wrong about this

It could be a misunderstanding of course, but if my child was persistently scared and saying this I would report to the LADO. There is a system for staff who work with children and they should be suspended whilst an investigation takes place. I think it’s reasonable to keep an open mind to possibilities but it’s not reasonable to leave a potentially violent adult in charge of children without an investigation.

She's worried 😫
Mum please stop questioning her or asking her she will be getting confused she's so young just write down everything she says and don't ask questions that can be leading her just reassure her u won't let anyone hurt her and bloody report it it's not going to do any harm is the woman is innocent but if u don't and she has hurt her she may end up really hurting a child

Is there another child hitting her and the teacher gets involved which could be confusing

Report it but bare in mind it may be completely fictional.

My son at 3 said his nursery teacher kicked him (I even got the actions and the sad face at the door etc). Upon investigation, I had been pulled in the very next day as my son had told his keyworker that I, his mother had kicked him very hard (complete with the actions and sad face when he saw me). They had logged it as a safeguarding concern their end.

So yeah, my 3 year old had quite the imaginary victim complex back then 🤣.

No requirement for CCTV.

It should b in all nurseries tbh it's safeguards everyone then win win x

I think it's a bit of a false sense of security. Plenty of children have been hurt in nurseries with cctv.
And in this situation it wouldn't be much help anyway.