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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Not allowed in preschool on 3 year olds first day

37 replies

DCINightingale · 17/07/2021 14:27

DS will turn 3 in August. I am a SAHM and he has never been in a nursery setting as I have looked after him since birth. I booked him a place in the local preschool starting this coming September, just 2 mornings a week, to ease him into the transition to school. The preschool is attached to the school he will be attending so he will be going with lots of his future classmates. All good.

However after a conversation with the manager yesterday she advised that parents are not allowed to go in with children to settle them in. I'm really not sure about this, not even being able to see the room he will be in, or see how he reacts to being there. Just drop him off at the gates and see you later. Does anyone have any positive stories about similar situations, maybe it's normal? (Probably is at the moment) Or advice? I know I am probably being a bit precious, it's only 3 hours two times a week, and if he has taught me anything it's not to underestimate him!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LividLaVidaLoca · 17/07/2021 14:32

I sent my pfb to nursery under similar circumstances in lockdown. He was 11 months and I was a mess.

I’d had a brief tour of the nursery after hours, though, but I haven’t been inside since.

It sucks but it’s basically your only option; they’ll all have the same set up now.

My baby loves nursery as it happens and door step drop offs are just the way it is, now.

zoeydollie · 17/07/2021 14:34

Lots of settings are finding that having no parents coming in in the morning to “settle” their children actually works better - it’s a calmer environment and easier for the children without lots of adults crowding the space.
My dd is starting preschool in September too and they have said even if guidelines allow parents in, they will still be having them drop off in the playground and staff take the kids in.

Thumbcat · 17/07/2021 14:39

Perfectly normal to hand them over at the door in my experience. I think having a parent come in to 'settle' them is usually counterproductive. Mine was the same age when he started and it is hard as a parent. He used to burst into tears at home time when he saw me.

CallmeHendricks · 17/07/2021 14:40

Not pre-school, but my primary is intending to continue the 'drop at the gate and run' we've had throughout Covid. It actually works much better for us.

BlairWaldorfLovesShopping · 17/07/2021 14:41

Haven’t set foot in my DS’s nursery since mid March last year. Completely normal at the moment.

Original poster

DCINightingale · 17/07/2021 14:41

Thanks for your replies. Yes I'm just reading a few threads on here now and it is a slight comfort knowing I am not alone. I think it is for the best that he goes, and think he probably will be fine without me. The fear is all mine, I just need to keep a lid on it so he won't pick up on it.

And yes, I can totally see keeping parents at the gate is probably much easier for the children and staff to just be able to get on with things.

OP posts:

SaveWaterDrinkGin · 17/07/2021 14:42

Yep, totally normal procedure at the moment I’m afraid.

However, if you’re worried why not just leave him for an hour the first time to see how he gets on?

SeasonFinale · 17/07/2021 14:43

To be fair I wasn't allowed in with any of my 3 anyway even in non covid times as it is too disruptive.

Hangingtrousers · 17/07/2021 14:45

I'm a pre school teacher and last sept my whole class had to start with parents coming in.. you know what? They were totally fine!
The parents have never see the room which is a shame.

PotteringAlong · 17/07/2021 14:46

Even in non-Covid times it would be far too disruptive. Drop and run!

EssentialHummus · 17/07/2021 14:56

Having done it both ways now - honestly, dropping them at the door and leaving them to it is better at this age imo.

5lilducks · 17/07/2021 15:02

It was the same for us. Dd was 2 yrs 9mnths when she started September last year. The only time I saw the place was when I went in there to complete a few forms for about 20 minutes. I only got to see the inside and not anywhere else due to Covid . Dd hadn't been away from me at all before she started preschool and I was so worried that she may not settle in and I'd have grief for a few months at least. But no, as soon as she went in she loved it and didn't want to come home when they finished. Out of all the children that joined the preschool along with her there was only one child who couldn't seem to cope and we haven't seen that child since the first few sessions. All the others settled in fine, the teachers know how to keep them distracted. For about a month before starting preschool every now and again I would tell my dd that soon she will be starting preschool and I will be leaving her there for sometime for her to play with other 'bubbas' and then when she and the other bubbas have finished playing I will come and pick her up. I also showed her Cocomelons "First day at school" video. Your ds will most probably be fine. Try not to worry.

pastabest · 17/07/2021 15:03

It's fine.

I only know what my DCs Nursery/reception class looks like from photos, I've never set foot in it due to covid.

In a whole year of 5 day a week drop offs at preschool I haven't seen a single child get clingy or upset at the door.

Teachers have remarked on how well and easily all the children have settled this year, more so than usual and it doesn't sound like they have any intention of going 'back to normal' due to how well it's worked.

Jasmine11 · 17/07/2021 15:13

My eldest is about to finish his year at a school nursery - we've never seen the inside of the building! This is really normal these days unfortunately.

Original poster

DCINightingale · 17/07/2021 15:17

Thanks all, you have no idea how reassuring it is to read all of your experiences!

OP posts:

HarrisMcCoo · 17/07/2021 18:54

Nursery staff did a garden visit at our house and DS settled in fine at nursery the following week. Staff know what they are doing.

HarrisMcCoo · 17/07/2021 18:56

Sorry, cut my message short! Can nursery do something similar for you guys? Will give you reassurance. I was concerned about my youngest starting nursery but he didn't even look back on his first day!😭

Mollymalone123 · 17/07/2021 18:58

Children are much more settled without a parent there.Honestly- lots of times I’ve held and cuddled a new starter with an anxious parent upset and there’s tears-then literally as soon as parent out of sight-the child stops crying-I swear it’s in the manual to make you feel as miserable as possible when in fact your child is having a great time.

HarrisMcCoo · 17/07/2021 18:58

@EssentialHummus

Having done it both ways now - honestly, dropping them at the door and leaving them to it is better at this age imo.

I agree. I am thinking this is a much better system. Less fuss all round for everyone.

Dollpiglet · 17/07/2021 19:05

I agree that dropping them off works better. My DD went to the door of her room when she went a few years ago and although she was generally fine, at pick up there were always a few kids desperately looking for their mums and that doesn't happen anymore because all drop offs happen in reception. My DS is very happy going in knowing that I have never been in so there is no option in his mind that I would be there so it makes it all easier. The only thing I'd change is putting a timer on drop offs because some parents like to hang around chit chatting to the key workers while there is a huge queue behind them.

Maggiesfarm · 17/07/2021 19:46

As he is only going two mornings a week, I think it is fine that he goes it alone. The school will tell you if there are any problems. I'm sure you have seen and heard what the place is like. It's a start, op, and all have to start somewhere.

I hope he gets on OK.

Newmummy9 · 17/07/2021 19:55

I was in a similar situation with my 3 three old who started in April for three mornings a week and is really shy. I could not believe how well she settled in. I stayed outside by the playground for an hour the first day and then the next day I dropped her and within 4 days there were no tears and she loved it, I cannot believe it. I just dropped at the door the second time and there were some tears but the nursery staff came running out to find me by my car and said she’d already stopped crying. I’ve never seen the inside of the building either!

cookiesandcreamm · 17/07/2021 19:59

We were in same situation couple of month ago.
I was so nervous and anxious about it but honestly, he has surprised me so much!
Of course first couple of times he wasn't sure but he literally runs in and I sometimes don't get the chance to say bye.
Once your first couple of drops are done you'll feel a lot better.

Paddingtonsmarmlade · 17/07/2021 20:04

My ds starting at the same age pre covid and he had been to a couple of stay and plays in July come September I took him inside the door kiss and left. The teacher said it was often the best way. It was fine he also hasn’t been looked after by anyone before. Dd starts soon and she has never been in the building.

Quietcrown · 18/07/2021 07:25

Same in my area when dd started preschool last year. I've still never been inside! They did photos and put a video tour up online for us to at least see what it looks like.

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