Not allowed in preschool on 3 year olds first day

[DCINightingale]

DS will turn 3 in August. I am a SAHM and he has never been in a nursery setting as I have looked after him since birth. I booked him a place in the local preschool starting this coming September, just 2 mornings a week, to ease him into the transition to school. The preschool is attached to the school he will be attending so he will be going with lots of his future classmates. All good.

However after a conversation with the manager yesterday she advised that parents are not allowed to go in with children to settle them in. I'm really not sure about this, not even being able to see the room he will be in, or see how he reacts to being there. Just drop him off at the gates and see you later. Does anyone have any positive stories about similar situations, maybe it's normal? (Probably is at the moment) Or advice? I know I am probably being a bit precious, it's only 3 hours two times a week, and if he has taught me anything it's not to underestimate him!

DD started nursary like that last September (age 1), it took a little longer for her to settle, but she got there. It was the same place DS had gone to, so I didn't need a tour, though she wouldn't have remembered dropping him off pre lockdown, as she was only 6 months then. For DS's reception visit we weren't allowed in the class, but were given a time slot to come play in they attached playground, which seemed like a good compromise.

Are they offering anything else? Could you start with shorter sessions and work up?

Dropping and leaving is worse for the parent.

Even if your child is crying during hand over, they won’t be crying for long.

Staff know what they are doing.

I work in a nursery - settling in sessions have always been more about the parent than the child. I have actually found that children who started nursery during Covid (including my own) have settled in easier than the past as we don’t have parents around to make things worse!

We did settling in sessions at my DD's first nursery (she moved because of Covid meaning I changed jobs) and didn't at her current one. She settled sooo much better at the second one!

To be honest my 2 year old started pre school in April. I was worried but actually now... I feel it has probably been better.

The initial few days are hard but he has never known me to go in so doesnt expect it and now the teacher comes to the door, says Good Morning, Come on In and off they toddle... Even the ones that initially were criers now are excited to go in

My 3 year old started after Easter. I was allowed to walk him in, but tbh, he was quite happy without me! Same set up as you - attached to the school and he'd never been in before! You'll be surprised how easily they'll settle. I think sometimes going in with them can make it harder to for them to settle. Imagine starting a new job with your mum hanging around, it would distract you and put you off! (Bit quite the same, I know!)
I bet he'll love it and be fine.

I think it's usual with a lot of nurseries, especially school nurseries, but I specifically chose one that had a more gentle approach. We had several hours (spread over a few weeks) of settling in where I would sit in the corner and they would explore the nursery. They would pop back to me occasionally and then run off again. It wasn't for my benefit, it was reassurance for my DC who had been with me 24/7 for 2.5 years. Never had a single tear or anxiety from any of my DC about nursery. In normal times parents are encouraged to take DC in, chat with staff etc and it has created a very close relationship between staff and parents. We love our nursery!

Thanks everyone, for your replies. It has made me feel a lot better about the whole thing! I knew mumsnet would help

It definitely works better for the children in helping them settle. They aren't anticipating their parent leaving or looking for them once they've gone.

After Covid we intend to carry on with drop off at the door but hopefully will allow parents to come in at pick up time so they can see the room and have a more in depth hand over. We've missed the more in depth chats we can have with parents as not everything can be discussed at the door with other parents close by.

I don’t remember any staying to settle with mine at pre school, few years pre covid. It was drop off, wave goodbye, don’t worry we will call if any issues, bye now.

Some DC struggle to settle and some sail in but I’m not convinced long settling in sessions make any difference, it’s personality.

Could you try social stories? Reading storybooks set in a nursery or preschool setting, just so she has some sort of idea. Or kids TV shows, I remember the Tweenies, but I’m sure there’s something more up to date.

Hi OP 😊 my daughter is younger than your son (6 months old). Im back at work next month so signed her up to do lots of extra sessions to build her up for it.

When we signed up to the nursery, we were allowed to go for a look on a night after the children had gone home. Could you maybe ask about that?

As for dropping off, I drop at the gate to her keyworker and she's been so happy!