I made a post regarding this yesterday but thought I’d do it again in the Muslim section as really need advice and my mental health isn’t good. It’s long to explain but please give me help.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over 2 months, we’ve seen each other a lot, he’s Muslim and I’m a revert. I’m use to toxic/abusive relationships so it’s been nice being with him as he’s been treating me well up until now. I’m 24 and he’s 28.
Things have become bad as last weekend he spoke to a girl he knows about some issues in our relationship…he’s known this girl for 4 years and has been friends with benefits with her on and off for them 4 years. This girl likes him and wants to be with him however my boyfriends never felt the same way. When he spoke to her on the weekend he told her how he’s in a relationship (with me) and she got emotional and said how she loves him and wants to be with him but now she’s gotta move on. This made my boyfriend feel bad and realise he has feelings for her and dosent want her to find someone else. He asked her if she’d be ok with him having two wife’s (her and me) and she agreed as she’s desperate to be with him. Fast forward to Thursday my boyfriend came to see me and told me everything I previously said about this girl and asked if I’d be ok with him marrying me and her…since then I’ve been an emotional wreck as I don’t agree with it even though it’s accepted in Islam, I feel like it’s old fashioned and the thought of him having children with her and being romantic with her as well as me irritates me. I’m open minded in relationships and maybe would allow him to have another wife but in the far future once me and him are married not straight away and him marrying us around the same time. I asked him if he thinks we’d get along and he said yeah but she’s not like me…I’m slim due to not eating and she’s thick etc…this made me feel even more insecure and I know I’ll constantly compare myself to her, how can I compete with someone he’s known for 4 years. He stayed the night at mine and went home Friday, he asked if I wanted to come with him (never gone to his before) and I agreed as my mental healths a mess and I didn’t want to be home alone also I really do want a future with him, so I’m currently in his home town. He lives 2 hours away from me and what makes it worse is this girl lives local to him so now I’m gonna be anxious that he’s meeting her and doing stuff with her without me knowing. He already admitted to me that he’s been talking to her the whole time he’s been with me he said it was just general conversation and he hasn’t met her while I’ve been seeing him but I don’t trust him anymore and it hurts so much as I never thought he’d be like this.
He claims he gets along with me more and that he has love for this girl but loves me more and I think that bit may be true as he got into a relationship with me pretty much straight away I didn’t have to beg and he was treating me right where as this girls been having to chase him for 4 years and he’s constantly turned her down when she’s asked for a relationship. And I’m frustrated as if he wants to marry her like he’s now saying he does then why didn’t he take her seriously…why’s it taken him 4 years and being in a relationship with me for him to realise he now wants her surely he would’ve married her years ago rather then stringing her on and playing with her emotions. I feel everything from disrespected, angry, hurt, upset and it’s made my mental health so much worse it’s unfair that I’ve been dragged into this. I don’t feel special anymore as I’m doubting everything…gifts he’s got me I’m now wondering if he also got her etc even the house I’m currently staying in he’s told me she’s been here before I feel disgusted being here knowing they’ve done whatever in this house for example in the bedroom I saw candles and oil that was next to the bed which they must’ve used previously it hurts. I feel like he wants the best of both worlds and it’s unfair how he didn’t tell me the situation from the start as I didn’t know it would turn into this. I really don’t know what to do as I do have love for him and he was treating me a way I’ve never been treated before but I can’t cope with him having another wife and knowing she’s still there on the side especially as they’ve known each other for 4 years and she’s very keen to be with him and hasn’t found anyone else.