Boyfriend wants 2 wifes

[MeganBoo]

I made a post regarding this yesterday but thought I’d do it again in the Muslim section as really need advice and my mental health isn’t good. It’s long to explain but please give me help.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over 2 months, we’ve seen each other a lot, he’s Muslim and I’m a revert. I’m use to toxic/abusive relationships so it’s been nice being with him as he’s been treating me well up until now. I’m 24 and he’s 28.

Things have become bad as last weekend he spoke to a girl he knows about some issues in our relationship…he’s known this girl for 4 years and has been friends with benefits with her on and off for them 4 years. This girl likes him and wants to be with him however my boyfriends never felt the same way. When he spoke to her on the weekend he told her how he’s in a relationship (with me) and she got emotional and said how she loves him and wants to be with him but now she’s gotta move on. This made my boyfriend feel bad and realise he has feelings for her and dosent want her to find someone else. He asked her if she’d be ok with him having two wife’s (her and me) and she agreed as she’s desperate to be with him. Fast forward to Thursday my boyfriend came to see me and told me everything I previously said about this girl and asked if I’d be ok with him marrying me and her…since then I’ve been an emotional wreck as I don’t agree with it even though it’s accepted in Islam, I feel like it’s old fashioned and the thought of him having children with her and being romantic with her as well as me irritates me. I’m open minded in relationships and maybe would allow him to have another wife but in the far future once me and him are married not straight away and him marrying us around the same time. I asked him if he thinks we’d get along and he said yeah but she’s not like me…I’m slim due to not eating and she’s thick etc…this made me feel even more insecure and I know I’ll constantly compare myself to her, how can I compete with someone he’s known for 4 years. He stayed the night at mine and went home Friday, he asked if I wanted to come with him (never gone to his before) and I agreed as my mental healths a mess and I didn’t want to be home alone also I really do want a future with him, so I’m currently in his home town. He lives 2 hours away from me and what makes it worse is this girl lives local to him so now I’m gonna be anxious that he’s meeting her and doing stuff with her without me knowing. He already admitted to me that he’s been talking to her the whole time he’s been with me he said it was just general conversation and he hasn’t met her while I’ve been seeing him but I don’t trust him anymore and it hurts so much as I never thought he’d be like this.

He claims he gets along with me more and that he has love for this girl but loves me more and I think that bit may be true as he got into a relationship with me pretty much straight away I didn’t have to beg and he was treating me right where as this girls been having to chase him for 4 years and he’s constantly turned her down when she’s asked for a relationship. And I’m frustrated as if he wants to marry her like he’s now saying he does then why didn’t he take her seriously…why’s it taken him 4 years and being in a relationship with me for him to realise he now wants her surely he would’ve married her years ago rather then stringing her on and playing with her emotions. I feel everything from disrespected, angry, hurt, upset and it’s made my mental health so much worse it’s unfair that I’ve been dragged into this. I don’t feel special anymore as I’m doubting everything…gifts he’s got me I’m now wondering if he also got her etc even the house I’m currently staying in he’s told me she’s been here before I feel disgusted being here knowing they’ve done whatever in this house for example in the bedroom I saw candles and oil that was next to the bed which they must’ve used previously it hurts. I feel like he wants the best of both worlds and it’s unfair how he didn’t tell me the situation from the start as I didn’t know it would turn into this. I really don’t know what to do as I do have love for him and he was treating me a way I’ve never been treated before but I can’t cope with him having another wife and knowing she’s still there on the side especially as they’ve known each other for 4 years and she’s very keen to be with him and hasn’t found anyone else.

Salams @MeganBoo so pleased you posted here.

Are you still locked in the house?
Get out, break the window, call the police. Get away.

There is absolutely nothing halal in what he’s doing. If he wanted to marry you a) he would have done it b) he would have already had you meet his mum. Honestly get away. Yes you’ll have to be strong but you took the first step last night posting.

I'm not Muslim but I was married to one and have a bunch of very fierce independent clever Muslim relatives in law and I can tell you 100% none of them would think this was in any way acceptable.

Is @MNHQ able to contact the police on the OP's behalf? Presumably the police could track location from the IP address?

OP, this is not OK, and if you can't leave by yourself without asking, you are not there of your own free will. He has imprisoned you. This is abuse and it is criminal. The police can help. You deserve better.

Leave this creepy man who gets you emotionally attracted to him before proposing difficult and abusive ways of living.

You have a much better life available for yourself.
Organise an out. Live with more freedom and self respect.
You are only 24 and can think for yourself.

This is not a Muslim country.
Marriage is between one man and one woman.

I don’t give a fig what someone’s faith or culture is. This is wrong. Call the police, women’s aid or someone else you trust. He is not a good man. You must leave.

Why does he lock you in OP ?

@MeganBoo instead of having the thread deleted lets talk and it might help seeing things written out.

@alexdgr8

The house I’m staying in is just a spare house he has that he uses to store his buisness items, his main house is at his mums with his siblings and I can’t stay there as were
not married so he can’t bring me round, therefore I’m staying in the spare house. He locks the door so nobody can come in and I don’t have a key so have to stay here waiting for him.

@TakeMe2Insanity

I feel like I’m being a burden and felt bad enough last night when I originally made the post as it caused a lot of concern and I don’t want people to worry. At the end of the day people can advise me but only I can help myself and deep down I know what I should do and appreciate everyone’s advice just hard for me to commit to it.

Are you still pregnant?

Stay talking to the women on here, perhaps someone can help you.You're not being a burden.I for one an just so glad nothing terrible happened last night.
Perhaps we can support you, help you find some friends and leave the creepy man.

@MeganBoo you're not a burden at all. People being concerned for you is not a burden to them. It's a natural response to hearing about someone vulnerable in an abusive situation. You have every right to post here.

Where is your child whilst you are staying here? Is she with you?

@MeganBoo I am not Muslim, wouldn't usually post here, but I am so relieved you are OK at the moment. I was one of those yesterday suggesting you phone the police or one of the helplines, and was worried your phone may run out of charge before you could do so, or that as you were locked in, your phone may be taken away when the man returned.

I do hope this thread doesn't get derailed like your last one did, that was completely out of order, with appalling comments and opinions.

I won't offer any advice here, but wish you safe and well.

@ Muslim ladies here, I was horrified yesterday by not just many of the comments, but also by the single-minded apparent obsession of some posters to make the same assertions again and again despite someone's safety possibly at risk. Also their refusal to listen to any sort of reasoned argument. If that sort of inexcusable behaviour is what you encounter regularly, I am so sorry.

I hope so much that this does not go into trending, I know of one occasion where a thread was removed from there by MNHQ on request as it was attracting uninformed attention.

Wishing you all well.

OP the more you post the more worrying it becomes. Why could he not leave you the key and you can lock the door if he is worried about someone coming in.

You hardly know this man and he has locked you in a house miles from your own home. For your daughter's sake OP if you won't phone the police please phone someone and let them know where you are.

How long are you supposed to be staying?

OP, you are not a burden to anyone. People are concerned and they want to help, but it's an Internet forum so every other poster is free to step away if it gets too much for them.

You are being falsely imprisoned, so it's inevitable that people will express serious concerns. The most shocking thing for me is that you seem willing to accept this. Your self esteem is obviously at rock bottom, which is why you can't see that you deserve so much better.

You're right that you're the only person that can help yourself. Unless @MNHQ can call the police for you. You really need to get out. You have worth. You don't have to live like this any more.

I'm sorry but this is absolute INSANITY.
You've known him 2 months.
Run away.

You are wrong, if you are unable to leave right this moment, without discussing it with him, then you are not there by your free will. He has locked you in. This is not safe, this is not acceptable .

it might be hard to hear, it might be hard to believe, but this isn’t ok.

I encourage you to hear the women in this feed encouraging you to leave.

How did you even meet him when you've posted that you can't even leave the house due to you're mental health conditions? That you don't wash yourself for weeks?

Where is your child?

@MeganBoo

Why do you think you are a burden? You have opened up here and we want to help in any way that we can.

Keep reaching out, we, as mothers and sisters, can help ..please reach out.

Lovely you need help. This man isn’t your boyfriend. He is dating that woman of 4 years and seeing you on the side. Locking someone away isn’t normal. You have a 4 year old child and you had an abortion a couple months ago I’m guessing to a different man. Run away , ask for therapy and get your head clear. This man does not love you.

You've been posting on here for years but not listening to advice. You need serious help, more than any of us can provide. You're jumping from harmful relationship to harmful relationship. You need to work on yourself. Focus on you, focus on your innocent child.

Where is your child?

You need to work on yourself. Focus on you, focus on your innocent child.

This

In lasts nights post Meganboo said her Mum was looking after her child