Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

Original poster

Crap Tips

522 replies

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 11/03/2009 15:15

'Things to do with...plastic cd cases. Save lots and paint them with letters for a giant scrabble board'

This handy tip was in last weeks Pick me Up magazine. Why!? and What!?

Share some please, real or made up. I need cheering up.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 13/03/2009 16:45

There's a forum! No tickers though.

OP posts:
Grumpyoldcaaaaaaaa · 13/03/2009 16:47

'I love my body part
Tuesday 27th February 2007

My large nose is my proudest asset. It's brought me fame and also success with the ladies. After all, you know what they say about men with big noses...

Tony Tobias, 58, Sunbury-on-Thames, Middlesex'

For the love of God

JohnnyTwoHats · 13/03/2009 16:47

Holy Mary Mother of God.

Pick Me Up poem!

Saturday 7th March 2009

A poem for Pick Me Uppers:
The High Street is shrinking with shops going bust
And life's getting harder to earn just a crust
It's time to take note of each Pick Me Up tip
And learn the fine art of oneupmanship.
Make savings on cooking and cleaning galore
Save pennies with some and pounds on yet more
With all those great tips we can all make ends meet
Our Pick Me Up mag makes our lives so complete.
Pat Contrino, Wakefield

JohnnyTwoHats · 13/03/2009 16:47

No, Tony, what do they say about men with big noses?

GetOrfMoiLand · 13/03/2009 16:48

I had a great time visiting friends, family and my mum, Janet, in South Africa recently. They were all really impressed by Pick Me Up! I left my copy behind and now they're all firm fans. Here I am reading it at the site where Nelson Mandela was arrested.
Heather Chandler, Haddington, East Lothian

pic of the lady with her PMU at the capture site

Original poster
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 13/03/2009 16:49
Shock
OP posts:
JohnnyTwoHats · 13/03/2009 16:51

I am actually screaming laughing at some of these.

GetOrfMoiLand · 13/03/2009 16:52

Please can I get a job at PMU.

Can you imagine being the letter opener for all this loony correspondence.

JohnnyTwoHats · 13/03/2009 16:54

my man's willy is insured for £1 million

Original poster
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 13/03/2009 16:55

'I'd know that penis anywhere'

OP posts:
Original poster
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 13/03/2009 16:56

'Can you imagine if I got a false nail stuck in my willy,' he muttered.

OP posts:
bleh · 13/03/2009 16:59

"I'd know that penis anywhere". I have been sat here ROFLing away; getting very strange looks from colleagues

JohnnyTwoHats · 13/03/2009 16:59

I'm marrying a smurf

'My face turned blue,' he said. 'It happened gradually, so by the time I noticed, it was too late.'

KingRolo · 13/03/2009 17:01

PMSL 'Tristan strutted onto the stage wearing a Pope's outfit. But as he started to get his kit off, it was me praying.'

Original poster
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 13/03/2009 17:02

'Paul sounds great,' I said.
'He is,' Carol said. 'And he's blue.'
I didn't know what she meant, so I just nodded and said goodbye.

OP posts:
bleh · 13/03/2009 17:04

I saw him on Oprah once, chatting to Dr Phil. Poor guy

KingRolo · 13/03/2009 17:05

'This was no joke. Poor guy.'

She clearly feels so much sympathy for him that she'd sell his story to a magazine calling him a smurf.

Original poster
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 13/03/2009 17:07

www.pickmeupmagazine.co.uk/real_lives/I_sucked_out_my_girls_eyeball_article_274832.html

Some of them are just so misleading, what is actually a really sad story has the headline 'I sucked out my daughters eyeball'. wtf?

OP posts:
JohnnyTwoHats · 13/03/2009 17:08

Currently deciding between 'killed over a creme egg', 'in love with an orange man' and the psychic hairdresser as favourites.

KingRolo · 13/03/2009 17:14

'In love with an orange man' gets my vote.

JohnnyTwoHats · 13/03/2009 17:23

Or...A letter out of the blue, then flowers and cider. Who was this blast from the past and what did he want from Clare Gwynne, 42, from Truro, Cornwall?

TarkaLiotta · 13/03/2009 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Grumpyoldcaaaaaaaa · 13/03/2009 17:35

TarkaLiotta

JohnnyTwoHats · 13/03/2009 17:38

Wouldn't that just look like you had loads of dead goldfish though? rofl

KingRolo · 13/03/2009 17:41

ROFL at fake goldfish!

Don't forget to keep the carrots in a bucket of sand.