To be annoyed that no one has ever told me I look like an actual sea monster in real life?

[MaudBaileysGreenTurban]

I have just watched myself on a recorded Teams meeting.

Sweet fucking Jesus.

My face is basically a blancmange in a plastic bag with two googly Mr Potato Head eyes stuck on wonky. One is half-shut all the time.

When I talk, my mouth sort of does a collapsy thing.

Where is my chin? WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY CHIN?

I can't believe I've actually been walking around, conversing with people, looking like this. For years.

Why did no one tell me I looked like this????

This has been a fabulous thread. I’ve been literally weeping.

Thankfully no zoom meetings but FaceTiming family. Where I realise I’m Shamoo’s long lost sister, who given how I look on camera I need to stay lost.

My forehead looks awful and my nose huge. And the lines at the side of my mouth resemble a long, long ski slope.

So glad I am not alone.
I’m the oldest of my team and bloody look it.
I tried doing my hair, but done hair looks like a helmet, undone hair like string. Why am I so shiny? I have dry skin so opt for ‘dewy’ tinted moisturiser, the top of my face is like a polished skull, the bottom half like a deflated balloon. I had no idea I was so expressive, think Wallace & Grommit, not Julia Roberts.
Was most disappointed to find the enhance my appearance button was already on.
Have been googling facelifts!

Loving this thread. Just discovered that I touch my face ALL THE TIME.

Not a good habit to have at the moment.

God I truly feel for you op! I was asked if I had Zoom or something to do a video call and I recoiled in horror and said oh no I don’t do that sort of thing! I can’t even bear looking at myself in a mirror and if I catch my reflection in anything accidentally I’m absolutely shocked at how old and haggard I am and how my face is falling down! I just want to cry, I look nothing in real life like I think I look!

This thread is a hoot

Thank fuck I don't even have to speak to anyone in my job, much less be seen by them But I am doing exercise classes via Zoom and the combination of my resting bitch face, my encroaching age and having foolishly chosen to have a short hairstyle, not anticipating that one day a pandemic would mean my not seeing my hairdresser for three months plus, adds up to all my unsuspecting and blameless teachers having a superannuated version of Beaker from The Muppets hovering on their screen, wearing a Doc Brown Back to the Future wig.

Without my slap on I officially look like a "crack head". I'm borderline albino (no offence to those with albinism) and it's been a problem for years. My parents were actually called into my school when I was 14 because they thought I was a drug addict 😂. My Mum was mortified and wanted to sue them for defamation of character. God, was I relieved when I bought my first bag of make-up. I've not worn any slap for weeks and I feel liberated, but everytime I catch sight of myself in the mirror I say "fucking hell you really do look like a "crackhead". I may cover all the mirrors with bin bags or do a Fearn Cotton and stick post it notes with "you are beautiful" "you've got this" "positive vibes' and "look at you, sexy beast" all over the place 😁

Surely everyone feels like this when they see themselves on camera?!

I hate my voice! I'm from Essex and sound WAY more common on film.
I have 2 chins when I smile.
My nose is massive.
Im still soo overweight after having 3rd baby a YEAR ago.
My husband still loves me to bits tho so... 🤷‍♀️

The improve your appearance button...does it only come with the paid version of Doom?

The improve your appearance button...does it only come with the paid version of Doom?
No, but it's useless. Makes me look very very slightly soft-focus but changes nothing else. So basically I'm still aged Beaker/Doc Brown, but with a freakish, unwholesome spongy appearance.

I set my laptop camera to soft focus Dynasty style....
A little bit of Vaseline or lipsalve smeared on the lense and voila.... Crystal Carrington....now where are my shoulder pads!

Oh thank you I haven’t laughed so much for weeks!

My voice always sounds like a mad woman on speed. I’ve been asked to read a story for my school but I think they may be asking for trouble!

Ooh great tip, I might try this...at least I won’t look quite so witchy even if I sound it 😀

This is brilliant! I am 50, with most of my colleagues in their 20s, so resigned myself to being surrounded by funky, lithe, smooth skinned does in the office (even the men 😜😂) but have just given up now with video calling.

I console myself with the fact that I must be making everyone else feel better about their own appearance.

I had to record a series of presentations for uni. The horror when I spied a double chin flapping away was too much, I ended him repositioning the laptop on top a tower of books and angling it so I could pull the flubber down without it being seen on camera

I also discovered I have a constant sarcastic, eye rolling expression on my face.

Shit shit shit I have to have a WhatsApp video call tomorrow! It’s all your lots fault, you poked the bear!
I only have my mobile and I’ll not be able to hold that up for long will I?
I’m digging out a hat, dark glasses and scarf to use as a face mask to hide behind! Unless I have a paper bag anywhere ..... ! Hold that thought, I have bandages, I shall wrap my head and look like the invisible man! 😂

Last night, after a couple of wines, I recorded a video for my class.

Don’t ever do that. Poor children.

Thank you to all of you for posting. I’ve wept laughing.

I've got a really smug smile. I look so pleased with myself. I didn't realise until I saw my self in motion on the screen. I thought that can't be right so went and double checked all my profile photos on FB and sure enough every single one has me smirking conceitedly at the camera. I don't understand it. I don't feel that way so why do I look it? It's made me so self conscious and now I never want to smile again!

As a woman of a certain age, my advice is put the device higher rather than below you if possible...it hides the chins.

Lol I couldn't focus on the meeting because of my turkey wattle neck. I kept touching it too just to draw attention further

Giggling away to myself while reading this thread 😆
I've just finished a zoom call where I spent my time rearranging my hair to look less like a bird's nest, despairing over the wrinkles that seem to have suddenly appeared and wondering if my nose has always been that big

Chins! At least two more than I thought I had...

The improve your appearance button...does it only come with the paid version of Doom?

Was that a typo or is it a special version for women of a certain age?

Those Zoom/Skype images do nobody any favours.

Best laugh I’ve had this week, thank you MNers!

I’ve gone feral and now there is video evidence! Trouble is I think I might be past caring. No make-up and my reading glasses on (otherwise I can’t see the screen properly). It must be painful for the other person. The really disconcerting one is where my voice comes back to me on a FaceTime call like a west country mouse on helium.