To be annoyed that no one has ever told me I look like an actual sea monster in real life?

[MaudBaileysGreenTurban]

I have just watched myself on a recorded Teams meeting.

Sweet fucking Jesus.

My face is basically a blancmange in a plastic bag with two googly Mr Potato Head eyes stuck on wonky. One is half-shut all the time.

When I talk, my mouth sort of does a collapsy thing.

Where is my chin? WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY CHIN?

I can't believe I've actually been walking around, conversing with people, looking like this. For years.

Why did no one tell me I looked like this????

I have genuinely cried laughing at this. Thank you OP.

@cherryandmerry I think we may be driving licence twins

Ha! You lot are my people! I did a MS Teams call last week with one of the new backgrounds, I chose the beach. For some reason, part of the screen picked up a section of my real dining room beyond my image and one of my colleagues said “what’s that on your head?” It genuinely looked like a giant phallus and because I can’t seem to keep my head still, it looked like the ‘end’ was bonking me on the head. Oh. Good. Grief.

I hate my voice! I'm from Essex and sound WAY more common on film.

OMG me too! In my head I have a typical 'southern accent' in a normal mid tone. On camera I have this booming low voice with a proper cockney accent, it's horrible!

Urgh, the worst is seeing yourself on video thought isn't it? A few months ago I went to a friend's party and some fairly end of the night footage appeared on WhatsApp the next day. In my head and in the mirror, I looked 'cool' with a modest but edgy dress to 'flatter my curves'. I was having a great time, not too drunk, dancing, life of the party!

So I don't know who it was in the video. The absolute whale on the dance floor, who looked every day of her 39 years and was actual MUM DANCING, with terrible posture to boot. 😭

When I Zoom chat I have to go to at least 5 different locations in my house until I get the lighting and position that I like!

I frown. Almost constantly. In my mind I'm showing respect by concentrating on what people are saying. But they must be looking at my face thinking what the fuck did I say to piss her off! Explains a lot..

The struggle is real

Actual tears of laughter reading these (moose one makes me laugh even thinking about it) which I really needed as I’ve had too many sad tears of late. Thank you. You all crack me up!
On a whole I don’t look awful, BUT I open my mouth weird when I talk and say phrases over and over. 😖🙄 Also, I have that annoying “bants” Scottish accent that Kevin Bridges slags off. Oh well!

I have to deliver loads of online training whilst balancing my laptop on my lap which is a very unflattering angle. After being made to spend weeks starting at my face I've decided the only choice is to bill my work for the massive amount of cosmetic surgery I'm going to need to fix my drooping face, double chins, wrinkly neck, crow's feet, wonky nose, uneven eyebrows and massive forehead.

*staring at my face

So can anyone tell me whether Zoom and MS Teams have filters? If they don't they need to!!

Another southern accent here. I’ve got a real mid non placeable accent and yet I sound like a total booming cockney. I also sometimes sound like I’m nasally whining. I cringe hearing myself.

Me too.

I have never used so much make up since I have recently !

When I talk my mouth droops on one side as if I've had a stroke.
I also have much more of an accent than I thought.
My jaw is square and I look so bland and middle aged that is cross the street not to talk to me.

I did a zoom meeting yesterday and everyone said I looked great! It was in almost complete darkness 👍🏻

Omg I have never posted on Mumsnet before but you guys made me laugh so much I had too... Ha ha the one with the mum who wore an African headdress actually made me wet myself a bit 🤣

Plus due to an accident I had years ago where I damaged my lips (face) .. I thought they had healed ages ago ... It appears not I look like Vito Corleone in the Godfather Brando on MS Teams

I didn't realise my username was so... apt; I am basically all nose encaged in a long face.

I wear glasses on video calls. I only need them for driving but it makes my features look less hideous.

Oh this is brilliant! Thank you so much for the laughs and for making me feel normal.
I had a Zoom meeting yesterday which I thought was today, oops! Got there 5 minutes late, double oops. I cannot get my lighting right and lookEd like a ghost with no eyebrows, no chin and a hundred chins. And that’s with the webcam up high! Even worse, I thought I had sexy Marilyn Munroe hair, but nope. More like Billy Connelly.

I always think I have an enormous fat head, probably because I do. Also my nose seems to be growing and looks more like my dad's everyday.

I think I look better on FaceTime or Zoom then I do in a normal photo. But then maybe it’s because the photo is pixelated due to our terrible internet and the picture box is so small so there’s less of me taking up room to offend?

DP on the other hand always looks like his face is crooked. It’s not in real life. He just goes wonky on webcam.

I resemble an elephant bull seal on a good day so avoid having my photo taken let alone be seen on video.
Thank goodness I’m retired so don’t have to inflict my appearance on anyone during lockdown other than DH.