DH has been cleansing his face ... with anti-bacterial bathroom wipes.

[ChristmasCabbage]

We've always had face cleansing wipes in the bathroom cupboard that both DH and I use. DH isn't what you'd call 'metrosexual' and not at all into skin care. He commutes by Tube and uses the wipes to get off the grease and grime before a wash.

A couple of weeks ago DH started to complain that his skin was feeling dry and really sore. We put it down to cold weather and central heating and thought no more of it.

Since then, DH's face has seemed quite red at times. He's mentioned it being dry a couple of times and we've chatted and agreed that nothing's changed (washing powder, face wash, wipes etc.) so it must just be the cold snap.

Today DH has called me from work and said he's thinking of going to the Drs as his skin was burning last night and is really red today. He asked could I please go to the bathroom (I'm working at home) and tell him the name of the face wipes and wash as he can only describe them to the Dr as the 'green minty smelling face wash' and the wipes 'in the navy blue packet'- as I said, no real interest in face care.

I was a bit struck as our face wipes are in a white packet. The only blue packet we have in the cupboard is anti-bac surface wipes.

Yep, that's right he's been cleansing his face every night with anti-bacterial surface wipes for about three weeks. I would't mind but the anti-bac wipes have got a picture of a sparkling, clean white bathroom on the front. Not to mention the fucking words 'Anti-bacterial Bathroom Wipes'

Once I'd finished laughing, it transpires it's somehow my fault for not letting him know. Silly me, I thought he was a 30 year old man who was able to read.

Reminded me very much of fat balls, especially when DH commented that the 'face wipes' did actually smell quite 'toilety'.

kryptonite There's nothing but a soap dispenser 'out' in my bathroom apart from a couple of bottles on the side of the bath. I don't like any clutter stuff so everything goes away.

And just noticed this was moved to classics. My first classics thread. I feel quite emotional and proud

Oh my god! This is the funniest thing I've heard in weeks

I remembered another one:
I used to work at an Engineering company. There were loads of us in an open plan office doing marketing and logistics. Most of us were young, silly and bored.

I opened a box, and discovered a load of those plastic-type packing materials. They look like Wotsits, but grey/beige coloured.
I grabbed a few and coloured them in with orange highlighter pen. They looked perfectly like Wotsits.

I wandered over to a friend's desk to show him my hilarious creation. Let's call him Fred.
Fred was getting coffee, so I deposited them by his keyboard, told his (dull) coworker to say they were from me, and went to the loo.

I came back, and Fred was sat there looking confused. There was only one left. I asked what he had done with them, and he said 'I ate one, and it tasted shit'.
I collapsed in tears, and gradually managed to explain what they were. The silly twat had eaten the others, bar one, whilst describing the weird taste to 'dull coworker'.

He went to the toilet and put his fingers down his throat to eradicate any toxins.

I understand maybe eating one, but continuing to eat the damned things?????

My DH told me my nail polish remover was rubbish as he'd spent an hour trying to get DD's nail polish off. He was using toner.

He also used my gradual tan and couldn't understand why he looked jaundiced - but only in patches.

He has also brushed his teeth with the 'cleaning toothbrush' that I keep in the cleaning cupboard next to the sink. I didn't tell him that I often scrub the plug holes with it. It just felt cruel.

Dh thought one of those harpic loo brush things with the replaceable spongey head was a brush for his back in the shower. He used it for a week before I realised.

I used air freshener instead of deodorant a couple of weeks ago. I was linen fresh all day!

Dh thought one of those harpic loo brush things with the replaceable spongey head was a brush for his back in the shower. He used it for a week before I realised

Crying over that, Forever. Did you enlighten him or just quietly remove it?

In a sleep addled state the other Monday morning I used dry shampoo instead of deodourant.....

And have gone to work with different shoes on before. One black. One brown.

Dh has eaten my moisturiser before too. Grapefruit flavour. Smelled nice said non toxic so tried it.

We just got a cleaner, and after her first visit last week I found she had left the toddler toilet wipe packet empty, obviously ready for replacement. So she had obviously done the opposite and cleaned the toilet with the toddler wipes instead of the loo cleaning wipes! I imagine it did a perfectly ok job, and the toilet smelt pleasantly of apples.

I was changing the pad of a bedbound patient and reached for the aqueous cream to spread on his bum.
I realised just in time that I'd picked up his toothpaste.
Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "Ring of confidence"

This is an embarrassing one for DH proving that men will do just about anything.

A while back pre children etc, DH used to do some of a certain white powdery substance on occasions like Christmas etc . Well this particular time we had had a few friends round etc, drinks had been spilled on cream carpet etc so it looked really grubby. So I got some of that Vanish large area powder carpet cleaner and did the whole of the floor. DH got back from work and changed etc while I did tea. When he came down he complained that the white powder he'd found (which he thought was stuff he'd dropped) had stung his nose. He couldn't work out why I practically p**d myself laughing. I wouldn't mind but I'd actually told him I'd cleaned the carpet. Still at least his nose was very clean and fresh...

He does have form for daft stuff. He told everyone at his work he was constipated once, because in his native language the word for blocked nose is constipado, he told me wondered why they were looking at him very seriously.

He has given many such moments of entertainment over the years...

when my parents visited they bought floor polishing cloths thinking they were bum wipes for the baby. We did have to laugh at how shiny her bum must be. There was also a picture of a lovely shiny floor on the front so not sure how they got confused. Luckily she didn't have a bad reaction though.

This reminds me of s time when I asked an ex to pop to ASDA for me, gave him a shopping list and one of the items was toilet roll.

Anyway, when I unpacked the shopping there was no toilet roll and instead there was a bumper pack of kitchen roll. I asked him why he'd gotten that instead of toilet roll and he told be that he'd seen the slogan "Clean and Wipe" across the front of the packaging and had assumed it was toilet roll

Men!!

My dad ate a face mask once. About 10 years ago Lush used to use thin clear plastic pots for their face masks and I had a chocolate one in the fridge. Next morning he told me he'd eaten my chocolate mousse but it was crap anyway. That's probably because the main ingredient was rhassol mud. Thinking about it, lush also used to put their buttercream body butters in what looked like cake boxes, so I bet lots of the chocolate and lemon ones have been eaten by mistake.

I can beat your husband...

Picture just giving birth. Popping to the hospital loo and using baby wipes.... That weren't baby wipes

Once you've uncrossed your legs..... You can laugh! It was 13 years ago!