DH has been cleansing his face ... with anti-bacterial bathroom wipes.

[ChristmasCabbage]

We've always had face cleansing wipes in the bathroom cupboard that both DH and I use. DH isn't what you'd call 'metrosexual' and not at all into skin care. He commutes by Tube and uses the wipes to get off the grease and grime before a wash.

A couple of weeks ago DH started to complain that his skin was feeling dry and really sore. We put it down to cold weather and central heating and thought no more of it.

Since then, DH's face has seemed quite red at times. He's mentioned it being dry a couple of times and we've chatted and agreed that nothing's changed (washing powder, face wash, wipes etc.) so it must just be the cold snap.

Today DH has called me from work and said he's thinking of going to the Drs as his skin was burning last night and is really red today. He asked could I please go to the bathroom (I'm working at home) and tell him the name of the face wipes and wash as he can only describe them to the Dr as the 'green minty smelling face wash' and the wipes 'in the navy blue packet'- as I said, no real interest in face care.

I was a bit struck as our face wipes are in a white packet. The only blue packet we have in the cupboard is anti-bac surface wipes.

Yep, that's right he's been cleansing his face every night with anti-bacterial surface wipes for about three weeks. I would't mind but the anti-bac wipes have got a picture of a sparkling, clean white bathroom on the front. Not to mention the fucking words 'Anti-bacterial Bathroom Wipes'

Once I'd finished laughing, it transpires it's somehow my fault for not letting him know. Silly me, I thought he was a 30 year old man who was able to read.

Reminded me very much of fat balls, especially when DH commented that the 'face wipes' did actually smell quite 'toilety'.

Someone gave me a matching set of shower cream and body lotion.
I decided to smooth some on the lotion on my arms and legs before going to bed.
It didn't seem to rub in very well, but it was the first time I used anything labelled Cocoa Butter so I thought it was meant to be thick.

It was still sitting on my skin when I woke up....covered in Shower cream

I had a clear out of old toiletries a while ago. The OH, horrified at the waste went through it and said he would use up some of it. He's now moisturising his face with a 6 year old tube of nipple cream.

Hi all - we've had quite a few Classics nominations for this one now, and we agree, it's brilliant . We'll pop it over there now.

I've just thought of one myself.

When I was in my teens, my mum had got ready in the morning and applied moisturiser to her face, neck and décolletage the same way she did every morning and I'd seen her do for many years. She usually buys the expensive creams but had run out and opened a set that my godmother have given her for her birthday or something.

Over the course of the day, she kept complaining about how hot she felt. She's a lady of a certain age and I took no notice, thinking it was her hot flushes as usual.

She kept on and on about how hot she felt and that the sweat was pouring out of but I kept on ignoring. Then when I finally looked at her properly I could see that she really was very very red. It looked like she'd been sunburnt. Her skin was so sore.

I asked her wtf she'd done to herself and she said "nothing that I don't do every day." so I sent her off to get the bottle.

It was moisturising shower cream, and she had ladled it onto her and left it sitting on her skin some 6 odd hours.

Twat.

She looked like this minus the moustache

Yay for classics.

I've just been sharing this thread with the fella. He told me about the time his dad had a go at his mum for buying horrible luncheon meat. He'd made a sandwich of it, eaten it and then complained, to which she replied "what luncheon meat?" "It was in the fridge" he shouted "it was DISGUSTING, never buy it again!"
"I didn't buy it in the first place" she shouted back. "What did it look like?"
He'd eaten a Webbox cat food chub, with a picture of a cat on it.

My MIL wiped my DD 2.11 year olds bottom with an antibacterial surface wipe from the window sill rather than the smaller toilet wipes pack on the top of the sodding cistern!!! You have to move the packet to press the flush!!! We had to put Bepanthen on her bottom for the first time she was out of nappies. Bepanthen might do the trick on your DH's face OP?

Watto1 DH once informed me that we had run out of wipes and he needed some urgently. I told him to use the bottle of Cillit Bang and a J cloth instead. Next thing I know, he is changing DS's nappy, armed with the Cillit Bang and a J cloth! He meant baby wipes.

Genuinely crying tears of laughter trying not to disturb my feeding baby!

The fact he didn't question your suggested replacement is hilarious!

Oh and another one from my fella, which I first heard years ago and still makes me laugh til I cry.
When he was small, mushy peas came in a packet with a tablet of bicarb of soda. His eyes lit up when he found what he thought was an extra strong mint.
His joy turned to dismay when he begun to froth at the mouth, and to add insult to injury his mum - far from sympathetic - chased him round the kitchen trying to wallop him while he wailed and let out great big man sized "BAROO!" burps.

mine does things like this ALL THE TIME
he once turned gradually orange over the course of a week, as he was using some fake tan instead of sun cream ( he is a very strawberry and cream coloured english man and uses sun cream from march to october)
he cleans absolutely everything with baby wipes, but so far no sign of using anti-bac wipes for his face.... shouldn't take long to happen
he has rosacea and sometimes uses some light foundation to hide it on his nose. Only he never wears his glasses when applying it, and also never scrubs the skin on his nose ( I told him it might help ) so he has this raspberry, covered in make up, stuck in the creases of flaky dry skin, in the middle of his face....
life wouldn't be as funny if he wasn't like this

I bought a Lush shampoo bar - the solid shampoo stuff that you just give a quick rub on your hair.
DH then came out of the bathroom to tell me that "that new soap doesn't go far does it, I've nearly used it all". He'd done his whole body in it.

Berk.

Well, in the interest of gender balance, my teenage self once sprayed my backcombed hair (it was the 80s) with suede shoe spray instead of hair spray. On the plus side, it gave AMAZING lift and hold. I carried on using it for a few weeks until someone made a comment about the strange smell of my hair

This is hilarious Thankfully my last case of mistaken identity wasn't so bad - a little while ago I realised I'd been using vanish upholstery cleaner instead of stain remover spray on the washing. I did it for nearly a week until I saw the empty stain remover bottle in the recycling bin, and went to check what on earth I'd been putting on the clothes. It worked, though!

My DH has done the lipbalm/lipstick thing with my tinted balm (while not as dramatic as lipstick, he was rather pink around the lips for a while...)

My mum and her partner were on holiday in Cyprus (I think). They'd had an argument about something so weren't talking for a day.

They have separate sun creams (my mum tans well and doesn't burn, so factor 20, her partner is milk white so factor 50 or whatever). Anyway, they were laying next to eachother on their sun beds reading all day. At about 4pm mum's partner taps her and says "this sun cream is crap, it's really sticky" my mum is confused and looks at it - she'd been putting some kind of hair gel that squirts out like the oily sun cream stuff ALL DAY.

My mum just say that there shaking with laughter and then her partner said "I thought it felt weird when I ran my hands through my hair"

My mum was crying with laughter when she told us

She was ok, bit burnt, but after sun sorted it

Bought xmassy scented air freshener in October/November and when I came to use it in December there was hardly any left. I asked but nobody had used it so wasn't sure what had happened to it. Next day dad asks where the furniture polish was, turns out he had been using it as polish since it was bought!

Luckily not dangerous like some of the previous ones, but still gets teased about it many years later

Scotch bonnet peppers should be banned.

My sister had cooked a curry and there was some left in the fridge. She told me to help myself.
It was really nice curry until I got to the bit which looked like a cooked cherry tomato. I put it in my mouth, expecting lovely slightly spicy tomato flavour, started to chew and then the burning hit me. I spat it out, drank about a gallon of milk and then retired to bed with a horrible stomach ache.
And God did I suffer the next day.

Many years ago before we used the back of the neck stuff we used to use for spray on the cats.
One day DH pinned one down and thoroughly sprayed her ( long haired so needed extra). He comments that the " new" flea spray smelt a bit different and when I checked he had used " pet behave" spray designed to keep the cat away from the sofa she had been scratching - so we actually had a self repelling cat!!!!

Oh dear! Although (sorry, not read the entire thread so apologies if this has already been said) - but WTF were bathroom cleaning wipes doing in the bathroom cupboard in the first place? Surely that's a recipe for disaster if kept with normal face cleansing stuff?!
All cleaning wipes for surfaces here are kept under the kitchen sink in the cupboard along with the bleach and furniture polish type stuff!

kryptonite Surely the whole point of bathroom cleaning wipes is to keep them in the bathroom.

I was at work and I'd had a bit of a cold. The skin under my nose was getting sore from constantly blowing my nose so I took the little tin of lip balm I keep in my pocket and applied some under my nose. It was only after I'd walked through the whole of the busy department I work in that my colleague pointed out that it was in fact tinted lip balm. I had two bright pink slimy patches under my nose.

Hippy

I had two bright pink slimy patches under my nose

DH once used my Veet hair removal cream to shave with.

A friend of mine was a Goth type and deliberately used Immac on his face as he had quite heavy stubble which came through his make up no matter how much he applied so he needed to shave twice a day to keep it in check. He reckoned the "Don't use this product on your face!" warning was just scare tactics and used it anyways.

He tried to brazen it out claiming that the red blotches we'd pointed out weren't that bad really and we'd all look stupid when it worked and he'd not have to shave ever again. A week later, he finally admitted defeat after the blotches got worse and the skin irritation became unbearable.

A former housemate once spooned a load of cooking fat into his mouth thinking it was marzipan. He complained about the complete lack of almond flavour and "Greasy taste". He refused to back down when we asked him why anyone would leave marzipan sitting in a chipped mug, minus the handle, next to the cooker. It was the perfect place and receptacle for marzipan apparently so how was he to know?

Oh so many amazing stories on here!

Sorry for not updating yesterday- manic day at work.

DH's red face is less red although his skin's a bit dry now. I suggested he uses some baby lotion on his face and very carefully pointed out the difference between the baby lotion and the baby oil.