DH has been cleansing his face ... with anti-bacterial bathroom wipes.

[ChristmasCabbage]

We've always had face cleansing wipes in the bathroom cupboard that both DH and I use. DH isn't what you'd call 'metrosexual' and not at all into skin care. He commutes by Tube and uses the wipes to get off the grease and grime before a wash.

A couple of weeks ago DH started to complain that his skin was feeling dry and really sore. We put it down to cold weather and central heating and thought no more of it.

Since then, DH's face has seemed quite red at times. He's mentioned it being dry a couple of times and we've chatted and agreed that nothing's changed (washing powder, face wash, wipes etc.) so it must just be the cold snap.

Today DH has called me from work and said he's thinking of going to the Drs as his skin was burning last night and is really red today. He asked could I please go to the bathroom (I'm working at home) and tell him the name of the face wipes and wash as he can only describe them to the Dr as the 'green minty smelling face wash' and the wipes 'in the navy blue packet'- as I said, no real interest in face care.

I was a bit struck as our face wipes are in a white packet. The only blue packet we have in the cupboard is anti-bac surface wipes.

Yep, that's right he's been cleansing his face every night with anti-bacterial surface wipes for about three weeks. I would't mind but the anti-bac wipes have got a picture of a sparkling, clean white bathroom on the front. Not to mention the fucking words 'Anti-bacterial Bathroom Wipes'

Once I'd finished laughing, it transpires it's somehow my fault for not letting him know. Silly me, I thought he was a 30 year old man who was able to read.

Reminded me very much of fat balls, especially when DH commented that the 'face wipes' did actually smell quite 'toilety'.

He ended up in hospital being seen by an ENT surgeon, but it's funny now!

I may once have cooked chicken in washing up liquid because it was the same colour as olive oil
Dd was always a fussy eater and it didn't help matters

mrsgideon It hurts, doesn't i?

terrribleknitter lye is quite scary stuff, used for scrubbing floors and things. Imagine what it might do to a 13 year old's face. Apparently it was recommended as a vaginal douche too

I once rubbed beef flavoured dog toothpaste into my dh's nettle stung shins thinking it was savlon. Both have a blue tube. I was pmsl while he frantically started washing his legs. Smelt of beef

Bloody Nora I just googled the stuff - no way would that go near my Fanny!!

As if by magic DS inadvertently contributed to the thread tonight - he came home from the barber's and for some reason sprayed his newly cut hair with hairspray. Or furniture polish as most people would call it.
He's 15 and frankly dizzy as fuck at times...

I have tears rolling down my cheeks! Thank you all.
I (as a young child) saw my grandfather with a tube of what looked like toothpaste. He offered me some to taste. It was English mustard!

jolovescakeandwine your story reminded me of the time MrGin got scratched to fuck off the brambles in my Grandas garden when he was tending it one spring.

My Granda slapped some cream on and told MrGin to rub it in. Turned out to be Anusol. I was ill laughing while MrGin tried to wash it off all the while exclaiming. "What if it had his shit on the nozzle" and retching. For days I kept saying "I can smell shit" when he was near me.

Hilarious!

I am reminded that my mil once spent an entire day cleaning my baby son's bot with flash wipes at every nappy change.

I've told this one before...

Back in the day, when smear tests first came out, my Mum nervously prepped herself by washing her fanjo and quickly spritzing it with what she thought was her Femfresh deodrant.

Of she trotted to her GP and duitfully had the smear done. Afterwards, her GP politely thanked her 'for making herself nice for him', which she thought slightly odd, but assumed he was referring to her Femfresh freshness.

It was only that night, that she caught a glimpse of her lady parts in her dressing table mirror and realised to her horror that she hasn't spritzed herself earlier with Femfresh deodrant...she'd actually used my golden, glittery hairspray.

No wonder her GP had been impressed.

I cleaned my teeth with savlon. It was rank. I couldn't get the taste out of my mouth for hours.

I keep a can of dry shampoo in the cupboard for days when I don't have time to wash my hair. I don't use it often so I was a bit surprised when I went to use it yesterday and it was almost empty.
Later on at the shops with DH, I picked up a new can. DH commented that he didn't know why I bought it as it was rubbish. DH doesn't have much hair and what he does have gets washed every morning so I asked why he was using it. He apparently ran out of Sure for Men.....

This thread is fantastic. I've had a miserable day today and this has cheered me right up.

When we were teenagers my brother had long hair (nirvana wannabe); and one day we were going out in the car as a family event (can't remember what).
We all got in the car and pretty soon my dad commented on the really strong smell of roses and asked what perfume I was wearing. Told him I wasn't wearing any. Dad was confused as to what was making such a strong smell and then my brother said he'd used my hair mousse. I was confused by this point as I didn't have any.
Turned out that, to create a good impression at this family event, my daft brother had put immac hair removal cream in his hair!!!
To make matters worse, he didn't believe us when we told him and thought we were playing a joke on him!

Also, my gran regularly put fake tan on when she came to our house - always had a mosey around the bathroom. She said it was the same as sun cream and she was lucky she always got a good colour in the sun!
Combination of her poor eyesight and is not knowing what to say or want to shatter her illusions!

He thought it was a big sweet
Absolutely lost it at that!

We had loads of avios points and flew first class somewhere once. Mr W got pretty drunk whilst everyone was asleep and lost an earbud down the seat (I could create a whole hilarious thread on that and include pictures of a giant drunk man who consumed his weight in vodka...but yes) from his headphones. Having purchased some shiny new expensive ones at the airport I had spare ones in my hand luggage so gave him those to keep him happy.

He opened the packet. He took one out. Popped it in his mouth. Chewed. Swallowed the fucker. In his drunken state he though I was giving him haribo. I confess to absolutely dying with laughter. I was no help whatsoever. I'm so sorry if you were our airhostess on that flight.

Amazing.

My first thought was the fat balls. That one nearly killed me!

I am dying reading this.
I am in bed with DH. He is getting a bit pissed off because 'it's like trying to sleep on a rollercoaster!'

When my lovely Mum had two of my DDs for a sleepover, she decided to make it fun by buying them fancy new toothbrushes, and letting them use the nice new pink toothpaste. They were 8 and 3.
The fucking new toothpaste was a sample of shampoo! Cue confused kids, with mouths full of floral scented bubbles.
They are still alive, 5 years later!

Oh, and fucking DH told all our friends that I'd got some really lovely shower gel called Femfresh, and they should try it.
It's called Fenjal. Bloody idiot.
I was mortified.

I was 18, at uni and had my first real proper boyfriend. He was in my room and for some drunken reason I decided to give him a manicure and put red nail varnish on him.

The next morning I woke up to find him scrubbing his hand wailing that it wouldn't wash off and I just told him to use more soap. A whole bottle of handwash later he still Scarlett red nails... hmmmm, I said, maybe your nails have absorbed the colour or it may be an allergic reaction...

When we met up after my lectures he was NOT HAPPY. He'd convinced himself that it was his body reacting weirdly and he'd gone for an emergency appointment at the GP. The GP was apparently rather amused and had kindly suggested that a lovely product called nail varnish remover might work...

Mine did exactly the same and ended up growing a beard because his face became so sore he could not shave. It was then I discovered he was using anti-bacterial bathroom wipes.Had been using them to wipe his backside as well. That was also sore! Had to put sudocream in that- he did, not me!

My Dad once woke the whole house up in the middle of the night with his screams.

My Mum had a sore back and the tops of her legs were hurting and my Dad was the one who put the deepheat on for her.Poor dozey old sod must have forgot when he turned to cuddle my Mum in the middle of the night.Queue my Father running down the stairs in the middle of the night screaming about his balls being on fire ThankGod I didn't seem him,my brothers did and both said they wanted to bleach they're eyeballs out.

And that wasn't the last time,another time he stuck immac on his leg thinking it was muscle rub.He wasn't impressed when he couldn't rub the cream in properly,he was even less impressed when I realized what he'd done and told him,he had a hand shape of hair missing on his leg for ages.I didn't laugh

I once sprayed the cat with furniture polish instead of flea spray. He had a lovely shiny coat for weeks

Only read the OP, laughed my ass off and then read it to H.

He said that if your bathroom wipes are the same as ours, large and thick and stinking of Harpic, and your facial wipes are the same as ours, small soft and smelling of nothing much at all and he didnt notice the difference then he is a dick who deserves a bright red sore face :o

This thread has cheered me up no end. Quite a feat as I'm back to work after the long summer (Au) school holidays tomorrow.

There's a story my DH told me about a man chopping chillies and then going for a pee. I'll ask him when he wakes up from his nanna nap.