Splitting twins in year 5?

[pag3turn3r]

Hi everyone.

When my non-ID twins started primary, I asked for them to be together in the same class. It's a 3 form entry school.

It worked out very well as they had separate friendship groups but took comfort from being in the same class together, especially as one of them was very shy.

Now, in year4 they're both confident and have friends but their friendship groups are more mixed and it's causing friction. They accuse each other of stealing friends, leaving each other out and it's leading to rows at home.

Also, they are called "evil twin" and "good twin" which they both hate (as do I!).

I really think I should ask for them to be separated but they don't want this. They both love being in the class they're in, even though it's leading to rows.

What do you think I should do?

I'd probably separate them at this point. It doesn't sound like they're relying on each other anymore, it sounds like theyre competing with each other. They might not like the idea now but having their own space and friendships could take a lot of pressure off both of them

Are they the same sex? reason I ask is because my friend with different sex twins has a different experience to me - I think same sex intensifies some of this stuff as they hit puberty so may change approach.

I have twin dds who are very different (they are 16 now). One is sporty, outgoing and conventionally teen girl pretty, smart but not top of class academic. T’other is shy, geeky, academic and introverted. They are very close but also squabble a lot and find each others differences challenging in social situations. Their friends groups have always overlapped and dd2 has generally come out of things worse and it’s impacted her confidence.

we separated them in yr 5 because dd2 was really struggling to be her own person and not be overshadowed. Worked really well but then we had Covid and they had to move back together. It allowed them to be seen as separate entities more (I hear you on the good twin/evil twin thing).

Secondary comes with its own set of challenges where there is academic streaming so it’s not as easy to separate as in primary and I think dd2 would have had an easier ride than she did if she’d have had 2 years away from her sister as originally planned. As would her sister who, for all her confidence does get upset at being seen as less bright than her sister.

mine are going to different 6th forms now and are really looking forward to being apart. They are still really close but need their own space to develop. Again dd2 is looking forward to meeting friends with the same interests without the inevitable call back to ‘oh you are x’s sister, god you are different aren’t you’ which she took as a negative comparison every time and got from everyone.

so based upon my experience I would say separate now and see how it goes.

Thanks both, I'm thinking separate too but they both got really upset when I mentioned it.

@myladyjane they are both girls.

I have identical girls and separated them through primary from reception, so I appreciate that’s different. I felt the individuality of separate classes was beneficial. It was 100% the right decision for them.

For your dc, would they each have friends from their groups when they mix the classes or is one being moved into the other class without any friends? I think that would influence my decision.

I should add mine are end of year 10 (age 14) and plan to go to different colleges for 6th form.

They do as their y3 classes were mixed so they know people in all classes.

Also, they're very sociable and are good at making new friends. One of them has 2 good friends in another class. I did mention maybe it would be good to be in class with them but she was upset when I mentioned it.

They have already met their new Y5 teacher and I think there would be disappointment in not having her as they both really liked her.

I think the emphasis is that they get to see each other at lunch and break so it’s giving them healthy space to develop without competition.

No idea how you manage this at the moment but I’ve never shared each other’s reports so we sit and look 1-1. I tell them not to share grades or compare with each other, only compare their own progress.

I had a really proud mum moment last night where both were singing solos in the school show and dtd2 messaged me during rehearsals and said “my song went fine but dtd1 has just done her song and she was amazing!” - no jealousy, just her sister’s cheerleader. Twins are amazing but think our job is to ensure independence so I’d go with your gut.

I’ve no experience with twins, but if their entire joint social group is in the one class, then it would be hard to leave one with the group and not the other. If it’s 3 form entry could they both go to different classes so that it’s fair. Can’t imagine that would make you very popular though!

I always go through their reports separately, and when they chose musical instruments I encouraged them to choose different ones as one twin learns quicker than the other.

You're right about lunch break, and this goes for them seeing their friends in their old class too I guess.

I think they should be separated now.

Definitely seperate. Try to get them both to go to different teachers to avoid one of them ending up with the teacher they liked so it’s fair.

I am an identical twin. I am the good twin and she is the evil twin. Even in our 40s now those names have stuck. We went to different secondary schools and the separation was really good for us because no matter what we did people compared us.

Would they both move to a new class and start again? I don’t think it would be fair to leave one in the current class and move the other.

Teacher here. Your girls deserve a drama free school experience and if that means keeping them in their friendship groups but put in separate classes, so be it. You run the risk of one of them being segregated from their friends just because you want them to be together. Don’t underestimate the impact of falling as out in prepubescent girls. It’s an ordeal!

I don't have twins, but can give a take from a friend who does if you want. She said she would always want them separated as they can each tend to be their own person more, and when together, one always has to be louder/faster or whatever.

I can't go into too much detail here as it may reveal who I am... but one of the forms is a no-go because of one of the children who is there.

I think I need to try and win one of them around to moving somehow. This is hard, I'm regretting not asking for his in y3. Can't change things now though.

I emailed the school explaining and asking for a meeting to discuss options.

As a non identical same sex twin my view is please split them. Learning to properly function on your own without back up of your twin is such an important life lesson and will make their lives easier in the long run.

I separated my twins in year 3 and it was the best thing I did. It was not for the friendship friction issues but the resolution of that was a good side effect. I'd separate them.

Mine were split yr 5 by the school fortunate for me as they’re very different. They went to different secondary schools one went to uni one didn’t. All hard work for me as secondary schools 30 miles apart but I love that they are so individual! The confident one has a learning difficulty the shy one now has 2 degrees. Both now mid twenties living their best lives so I would say go with your instinct. I was very keen to ensure they weren’t co-dependent.

Bare in mind; If they've already met the new teacher and your school is full, it will be much harder to get them moved - as this would also mean a swap, so disruption for another child who has met their y5 teacher. Its very close to the end of term for this change- staff will have been planning for ages.

If ever there was an argument for splitting from Reception ….

I completely agree! Get them used to always being separated and it’s never a “thing”.

Think it really depends on the twins and it worked really well until this year. Until this year they had separate friends etc and it was good.

My mistake was not asking for them to be mixed in y3.

Though it really doesn't matter now as I have no time machine and won't have having more children in future. So I just need to move on in a positive way.

Yep, I'm making no assumptions. If there's no space in a different class, there's no space.

I think there's a possibility though as we have a low birth rate in this area and I think classes are not full.

If it’s a 3 form entry, could you ask for both of them to move to different classes, so neither feels like they are the one being singled out.

I think you should separate them.