Denied UC - single but told to do joint claim

[Enderdragon12]

I used to work full-time but had a stroke last year so have been off work. My sick pay has ended and I am doing a very slow return to work hence my UC claim. I tried to claim as a single person, except I live with my husband (we are split up).
The Decision Maker has refused it and said I need to apply with a joint claim.

We get on fine, like brother and sister and he helps with me and the children (not his bio kids).
I had a stroke last year and COPD exacerbations this year, so need him to help with me and the kids as I cannot do what I used to. I can’t afford to buy him out just yet as I have had a year off work and so can’t get an increase in my mortgage.

I told UC when they rang me (I was actually in hospital at the time!) the complete truth:
Living – he sleeps in a separate bedroom, watches TV in the evenings in a separate room.
Finances – separate. I pay all the bills. He gives me rent money.
Children – he helps look after the children, takes them to clubs as I can’t drive at the moment.
Housework – he helps with that I can only do a bit now. I have a cleaner also.
Food – he does the shopping as he works near Tesco and I can’t manage online shopping just yet. He works in a canteen so brings food home most days. He cooks for us as I can’t manage that yet.
Told people – not told kids. Eldest has been doing his GCSE’s, but the main reason is not to worry them. Ex and I get on fine, so they have no idea but have been through scary times with my stroke and seeing me on oxygen we didn’t wasn’t to worry them further. Same with my mum. She is elderly and worries about me.

I am not sure what else I can say. What can I change? I can try and reheat the kids’ food if that makes a difference. I can try and clean more, although it will probably impact on how many hours I can work as I suffer from extreme fatigue now.

I tried to speak to them in my UC Journal, but they just said the decision has been made and closed my account. I’ve googled and seen that I can do a Mandatory Reconsideration or just apply again.

I only have the few hours I am doing at work, his rent money and my PIP as income at the moment. I am so stressed and just don’t know what to do. I am already extremely depressed and currently having the crisis team visit me at home and none of this is helping at all.

Go to or call citizens advice to discuss your claim and how you can proceed. When living under the same roof it is more difficult to show you are living completely separate lives - it really does mean living like housemates which from your description you are not at the moment.

Are you divorced?

If you are married and live with your husband you can see their point.

It sounds very difficult but he is caring for you rather than being a partner. It probably best to contact CAB or another charity/organisation that can help you.
If you need changes to your home or a mobility scooter the lions can often help.

In all honesty, in what way do you define yourself not together? Because it does sound like you have the support and care or a partner..plus he's actually your husband. So I too would question this.

Maybe apply joint, but work towards living separately or divorcing?

I think this will be tricky. You don’t sound separated based on what you have described. You sound like a married couple who have some separate interests and aren’t having sex any longer. Which isn’t the same thing for UC purposes and is actually not all that uncommon in marriages as couples get older.

You are acting like a couple to UC.

One of you pays the bills then the other chips in money for them, you share shopping, meals, transport, childcare etc..

You are basically living like a couple who don't sleep together.

You are in a very difficult position. Because you are living in the same home, the onus is on you to prove you are ‘living separately’ - you can’t because you aren’t! - shared meals and cooking for example. You can challenge the decision but I suspect they may have been interpreted correctly. You may wish to initiate formal divorce.

And I've just read... so your kids don't even realise you're separated?

Again, sorry, I am struggling to understand what part of your relationship arrangment is single?
Lots of married couples sleep separately, watch tv apart etc..they still consider themselves married/loyal and pay bills

He's not my husband in that we have agreed to separate. There is no intimacy, no talking bar daily pleasantries, no sharing of finances, no real spending time together, he does his own washing and so on.
I understand what you are saying as I presume many couples also don't have sex etc.

The mortgage is solely in my name. As I said, I am unfortunately In a position to buy him out currently. And I need him. Or someone. I cannot cope with the children on my own.
If he moves out, the alternative is him to more out and have take Adult Social Care up on their offer of a carer, which also reduces recovery and hours I can work.

He's not my husband in that we have agreed to separate.

Until you divorce he is legally your husband. You can't get around that.

No. They had a hell of a year with me nearly dying and coming home partially paralysed and unable to stay awake for more than a few hours.
I just didn't want to upset them any more, but of course I could tell them.

So I understand that we have to live as complete strangers. I get that. What about the kids though? Is he still able to take them to their clubs? I am housebound at the moment.

I will start to make moves divorce-wise.

You are living and acting as husband and wife
Plenty of married couples sleep in separate rooms and/or don't have sex
Your claim is a joint one

This. You may not be romantically involved or sleeping in the same bed but you are still together in the ways that count, you are sharing meals, sharing childcare, he is helping care for you in that sense, sharing house etc, and separate finances doesn’t just mean separate accounts- lots of couples have one person paying the bills from their account with the other person then sending them money to cover a share of it which is what your husband is doing.

I did think of CAB but thought I would come on here first as I can't leave the house unaided or retain info from verbal conversations. I also have difficulty expressing myself now.

He is a lovely man and doesn't want to see me struggle, hence him staying and cooking for me/making sure I'm ok. He also loves the kids like his own.

I have some house adaptations and a careline in case I fall already, thanks for thinking though.

True. We just thought he should pay me some rent as he was still staying here.

I don't want him here. It messes with my head in all ways. I can just no longer cope alone.

My life so completely shit now.
Thanks for your responses, I guess I will have to make a joint claim.

Although you may no longer be a couple you are a shared household. You need to see a benefits adviser to find out if a Mandatory Reconsideration can be done. Try Citizens Advice first.

The legislation talks about 'living together as husband and wife'

If you were not married then thats 'less difficult' to demonstrate

As you are married however it sets quite a high legal ber

The system would be ripe for abuse if married people could just claim they weren't sleeping together anymore and then get separate claims
I am sorry and I can see it rubbish for you but you are all still a household unit

I would question if it's even the right thing for you to try and separate right now. This seems like the best option out of a range that are all tough

No sorry but you still a household unit. They were right in their decision.

I feel equally sorry for your husband.
Where do you expect him to go?
And they're not his children then?
So you want him to be your carer and look after the children, but he's not got his name on your house etc?

Very strange set-up.
I may be wrong, but I think you can apply for ESA, separate from UC

That's not how it works.

Either you 'live together as a married couple' or you don't. Whether you're actually married or not is neither here nor there. Estranged couples who stay under the same roof are not uncommon; it cropped up a lot during the pandemic.

DWP Decision Makers have guidance on the subject https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5a7575a740f0b6397f35e96f/adme4.pdf see para 4091 on. There are few concrete rules and cases depend on their facts. I suspect it's cooking and eating together and/or how you present to others that's tripped you up.

@Enderdragon12 you need to ask for Mandatory Reconsideration. Ask UC to give you full reasons for their decision and apply the tests in the document above. If you can get help from (eg) Citizens Advice use it. As this is a new claim you're in scope for their Help to Claim Service. Help to Claim may not actually do the leg work of writing an MR for you but they can walk you through the process.

When doing the MR it'll be good to emphasise that cooking for you is temporary.

Good luck!!

It literally makes difference whether you're married or not.

All DWP are looking at is how the couple relate and the extent to which they share their lives.

See the ADM guidance I posted above.

I used to be a Decision Maker in the DWP, and the legislation may have changed.

I can see that a link has been added by another poster relating to unmarried couples living in the same household. I can’t see any reference to couples who are actually married. ( haven’t read it all!)

When I was a DM the only consideration for married couples was whether they maintained a common household. If they did it was a joint claim. If they could demonstrate that they operated 2 households within the home they were treated as 2 separate people.

As I say it was many years ago so it might be different now.

I would always suggest CAB or similar for current advice and assistance.

It’s PIP nowadays rather than ESA and yes, OP should qualify based on what she has written.

Sorry op but it would be virtually impossible to prove to dwp that you are iving separate lives as your finances are interconnected if he pays you rent AND you are presumably still legally married.

In your shoes I would accept it has to be a joint claim until you're divorced or live in separate properties. I wouldn't spent much time trying to fight the decision.