Denied UC - single but told to do joint claim

[Enderdragon12]

I used to work full-time but had a stroke last year so have been off work. My sick pay has ended and I am doing a very slow return to work hence my UC claim. I tried to claim as a single person, except I live with my husband (we are split up).
The Decision Maker has refused it and said I need to apply with a joint claim.

We get on fine, like brother and sister and he helps with me and the children (not his bio kids).
I had a stroke last year and COPD exacerbations this year, so need him to help with me and the kids as I cannot do what I used to. I can’t afford to buy him out just yet as I have had a year off work and so can’t get an increase in my mortgage.

I told UC when they rang me (I was actually in hospital at the time!) the complete truth:
Living – he sleeps in a separate bedroom, watches TV in the evenings in a separate room.
Finances – separate. I pay all the bills. He gives me rent money.
Children – he helps look after the children, takes them to clubs as I can’t drive at the moment.
Housework – he helps with that I can only do a bit now. I have a cleaner also.
Food – he does the shopping as he works near Tesco and I can’t manage online shopping just yet. He works in a canteen so brings food home most days. He cooks for us as I can’t manage that yet.
Told people – not told kids. Eldest has been doing his GCSE’s, but the main reason is not to worry them. Ex and I get on fine, so they have no idea but have been through scary times with my stroke and seeing me on oxygen we didn’t wasn’t to worry them further. Same with my mum. She is elderly and worries about me.

I am not sure what else I can say. What can I change? I can try and reheat the kids’ food if that makes a difference. I can try and clean more, although it will probably impact on how many hours I can work as I suffer from extreme fatigue now.

I tried to speak to them in my UC Journal, but they just said the decision has been made and closed my account. I’ve googled and seen that I can do a Mandatory Reconsideration or just apply again.

I only have the few hours I am doing at work, his rent money and my PIP as income at the moment. I am so stressed and just don’t know what to do. I am already extremely depressed and currently having the crisis team visit me at home and none of this is helping at all.

I would accept the joint claim, because you are living as husband and wife even if you don't feel you are that. Could he apply for carers allowance to help with finances overall?

I think the problem is that you are feeding the family jointly so have shared finances at least as far as that goes.
You really are stuck in a catch 22 here, you need him and depend on him but are essentially separated.
As an unusual case you will need to get advice from Welfare Rights, CAB or possibly someone from the hospital if you are still getting any physio etc.
Depending on your long term needs following the stroke you could apply for disability benefits rather than income replacement benefits.

I am already on PIP and he can't get carers allowance as he works full time.
My name is on the mortgage simply because he had bad credit. We have always acted like it was a joint purchase and so I would have to buy him out as it has risen in value.

I suppose we are together but not together.

I attempted suicide a couple of weeks ago, but am getting help from the crisis team. My ex has been no help. I keep thinking he is a good man, but slowly realising perhaps he isn't as good as I think. He broke the marriage up with an affair which I've tried to get over, but can't. I still love him and wanted us to get back together, but realise he will never be there for me like I need him to. He wants to get back together so offered to stay and help me.

And yes, he loves the children as his own, they call him dad etc. He will not just walk away from them and I wouldn't want that anyway.

The Crisis Team have said I could get help with online shopping ordering and batch meal preparation so that is something I could change in my application.
I don't understand why there is a problem with him giving me money? In my head, it is just like a lodger would do.

It seems to me that for all practical and financial purposes you are still living as a couple?

@Bromptotoo Thanks for that.
I was asked if I had told my neighbours, I said no. (I haven't left the house so haven't seen them).
Likewise with my family (they live far from me)
My mum, I haven't told as she is so worried about me anyway, I didn't want to alarm her. But I'm not scared of telling her or anything.

I could quite easily do separate shelves in the fridge etc @LumpyandBumps
But I can't really get away from him taking the kids to their clubs as I can't drive now.

It’s not just the money, it’s the whole picture.

A lodger pays you “rent” and lives an entirely separate life.

Your ex is paying you money, has a stake in the house, is looking after you and your children, you are sharing food shopping and meals, is cooking for you, is doing housework for you- it’s that whole picture that means you need a joint claim. He is not a lodger who has one room and lives their own life from your spare bedroom, he is still very much an involved part of your life and household.

Just for understanding, if you can MN, why can't you do online shopping?

PIP is completely different from ESA. The OP should be looking at LCWRA if she's quite disabled.

OP, if you are married, they won’t look at a separate claim. My abusive ex left me for two years, and then came back when it all went horribly wrong for him and he lost his job (long story). I at the time was claiming as a single parent - he’d been away and I didn’t even know his address, other than that it was somewhere in the other side of the country. When he came back, I couldn’t refuse to let him live in the house as he was on the deeds. I was told that if he continued to live in the house we would be presumed to be living together as man and wife. The real kicker was that the payments were then instantly transferred to him and we were actually worse off because I lost the single parent element and the extra for him barely covered the difference. This was a long time ago, well before UC, but the principle remains: if you live in the same house with someone to whom you are married, you are considered a couple.

I know, it's bizarre and very frustrating!
My cognitive functions and executive skills have been totally messed up.
I can type, but I can't retain much information. I can't follow processes or a recipe, I can't deal with multiple options and make decisions anymore.

It's horrible. I feel like I have been by a truck. My brain is just so messed up. I am doing exercises which I hope will help me regain those functions. I couldn't type or use my phone at all for example.

You’re sharing food, he’s helping in the house etc. Yes, they will view you as a couple.

So sorry to hear this op. I'm glad you're getting help. Please take care of yourself. Life can be pretty shit but it's worth sticking around as things often do improve. Small joys help.