1 Week Post Ectopic - can’t stop worrying about future

[Bumble88]

Hi, this is my first post. Tomorrow will be one week since my ectopic and op to remove right tube. It was my first pregnancy, I’m 31 and I was just coming up to 7 weeks. Ruptured, blood loss, blood transfusions etc. I realise I am lucky to be safe, but I just cannot stop thinking about the future and fertility.

I have trawled through all the forums looking for good news and stories of hope, of which I have found lots. But sitting here recovering, it is constantly on my mind. I can’t think of anything else but “will I be able to have another baby?”

I just don’t know how to stop worrying. My DH and Mum have looked after me, but I can’t share how worried I am because (perhaps rightly) they just say we have a good chance, not to worry excessively etc etc. Just feeling so down atm.

Ahh that’s amazing news!!! Congratulations again, and lots of well wishes for your first trimester and beyond! Thank you 😊 xx

I became involved with the ectopic pregnancy trust and I found them wonderful. I didn't know anyone else that had had one so it was great to have the support of people that understood. I did some fundraising and they run challenges (running/ walking etc) and I found that really positive.

@Celerysam I am currently taking part in the ectopic trust 1000k challenge. They are such a helpful organisation.

I decided to call my EPU as I was worried waiting for the 7 week scan, when I ruptured at 6 weeks last time. They saw me, did blood test for HCG and two days later it had more than doubled, so they were pleased. I then had to wait for today (being around 5 weeks) for a scan. I’m excited to say that they saw a gestational sac in my uterus! I couldn’t help but cry when my consultant said “your baby is in the right place”! Now trying to stay positive for scan next Friday when we hope to see/hear a heartbeat. Little steps, but so important to be thankful for each one Just got to stay positive now!!

@bumble88 agh! I'm so happy for you!!!! ♥️♥️♥️ Fingers crossed we both have safe and healthy pregnancies. Xxx

@Bananaloaf88 thank you!! 😍 What are your symptoms like? I think I’m around 5+2, and my symptoms tend to come and go, like I have waves of nausea (but nothing too bad), sore boobs (but only really bad at the end of the day) and the main thing is I’m really really tired. I just kind of feel like it’s very surreal, like it’s a worry every day as to whether you’re still pregnant if you know what I mean?? I wondered if your symptoms are more now you’re a couple of weeks ahead of me? Xx

@Bananaloaf88 just wondering how you are you doing? 😊 xx

@Bumble88 I am doing well (in this bloody lockdown!) I was thinking of you the other day too but I forgot to post on here! How far on are you now? I'm 16 weeks hoping to find out the gender soon! Xxx

@Bananaloaf88 - so glad you’re doing well! I was 14 weeks yesterday. Are you going to find out?? I want a surprise, by DH wants to know! We’re still undecided. I just feel like the final hurdle is the 20 week scan, feel like I’ll be able to really enjoy the pregnancy once we’re through that! Xx

@bumble88 we have a scan booked for this Thursday when I will be 17 weeks so I am hoping we can find out then. I am dying to know now 🙈 I know what you mean I have always said 20 week scan is when I start buying and planning properly! Xxx

@Bumble88 I can't believe it has been so long but you popped into my head today. Maybe because my son is one next Monday. How did everything go for you? Xxx

Hello @Bananaloaf88 everything went really well thank you… can’t believe it, but we also have a one year old! We had a little girl, Eliza. Looking back on these posts I’m so grateful for how fortunate we were. How are you? Feeling broody for a second yet? Haha xxx

@Bumble88 oh I'm so glad to hear that. My friend had a little girl last Sep called Eliza, lovely name. Erm I'm half and half atm 🤣 I don't think my husband is quite there yet but we shall see. U? Xx

Hi @Bumble88 and @Bananaloaf88
Reading this has pushed me to write my first ever post!
I had emergency surgery to remove a ruptured tube due to an ectopic pregnancy just over a week ago...the posts at the beginning of this thread resonate with me so much right now, I'm worrying about struggling to get pregnant again and if I'm fortunate to so I'm dreading the wait for the first scan to see if everything is OK.
But it's just given me so much hope to read your stories and hear you've both got healthy 1 year old so thank you
Xx

@LJF234 Firstly I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Please look after yourself and give yourself time to heal. Scream and cry as much as you want to, it's a very traumatic experience Don't give up hope though, I took the recommended time to heal and then actually decided I wasn't mentally ready to try again. Which funnily enough ended up being the month I conceived. The start of my pregnancy was scary, I cried loads and waiting for the 7 week scan felt like a lifetime. I remember thanking the sonographer for actually giving me a positive experience (I had been in loads due to a previous loss & my ectopic so I hated that place with a passion). I really hope you get your happy ending too, stay strong and try to enjoy Christmas as much as you can. Xxx

@Bananaloaf88
Thank you! Its really reassuring to read positive stories from people who have been through the same. Very early days for me but I'm sure there's good things to come! Merry Christmas to you too Xx

Oh I am so very sorry for your loss I’m so glad that my post, and the experiences of @Bananaloaf88 and I, have given you hope. I can really say I know exactly how you feel and I can only say that things do get easier. Time does heal (physically and mentally) and all is not lost fertility wise. I conceived the first month we tried, which was two cycles after my surgery. So I can attest that fertility is not impacted by this surgery! Of course everyone’s story will be different and may take a different amount of time - but there certainly are rainbows to be had at the end of these stormy journeys we’ve been through. Please keep us posted if you feel happy to, I shall be thinking of you and wishing you a speedy recovery and wishing you all the luck as and when you’re ready to start trying again. Finally, please don’t be too hard on yourself, this isn’t your fault and you and your body will have its chance to shine! xxx

@Bumble88 @Bananaloaf88 ive just come across this thread and i just wanted to congratulate you both. Its also given me some hope, although my story is slightly different. I had a MMC in November at 10 weeks and i honestly didnt think things could get much worse but here we are. I am 1 week post surgery for an ectopic and lost my right tube. Today has been a very dark day for me and your stories have made me feel a glimmer of hope. I'm convinced though that there must be something wrong with me to have a MMC and EP in such quick concession. And unfortunately if i get pregnant again the relief of finding out the pregnancy is in the right place (please god) i know will be over shadowed by the fear of miscarrying again. But all i have right now is hope there is nothing i can do. I wish you both well. Xxxx

@Tgrf55

I'm so sorry to hear this. It was also my right tube I had removed. 3 months prior to my ectopic I had a miscarriage so I can totally relate to how you feel. Please look after yourself and take time to heal.

Recently I found out I am pregnant again, currently I am only 10 weeks but so far everything is going well. My previous pregnancy with my son was quite straightforward too but the fear never leaves you, and it is definitely stressfull falling pregnant after something like this happens to you. So make sure you are in a good mindset, and try to be kind to yourself. I really wish you all the best in the future xxx

@Bananaloaf88 that’s amazing, congratulations! What a lovely success story you have. I hope it all goes well.

It really is the worst thing I’ve ever gone through it’s such a lonely place to be. I can’t believe I’ve had both the MMC and EPA within 9 weeks but your story gives me hope. I usually ovulate from my right ovary so I’m hoping my left ovary springs into action now that the right side has no tube! I got pregnant almost immediately after my MMC operation (D&C) and I can’t help but think maybe it was too much too soon. This time I’m waiting for 2 periods before I try again. Very difficult though as I have a lot of pregnant friends at the moment and it’s painful to see which also makes me feel like a bad person. Thank you for your reply xxx

@Tgrf55 you're doing the right thing by not rushing. I used contraception for 2/3 periods after my ectopic, I wasn't quite trying when I fell pregnantas I wasn't mentally ready but sometimes things happen when you least expect it.

Do not feel guilty about how you feel. You feeling that way about pregnant friends does not mean you are not happy for them, it means you are protecting yourself. You are 100% entitled to feel however you feel and avoid whoever you need to until you feel better.

Two of my friends fell pregnant at the same time I did with my ectopic and I won't lie when I heard about the second one I broke. I felt so angry. But I was angry because of what had happened to me, not because she was pregnant. And that's normal.

Don't let anyone tell you how you are feeling is wrong. Xxx

@Bananaloaf88 you are so right. I am SO angry about what has happened to me and I know that the jealousy and resentment towards pregnant people is actually just my grief and anger about my own situation. It’s really tough though I feel like i just can’t be around any of my pregnant friends at the moment. Everyone around me has a family or is pregnant and I feel like I’ve been left behind. I know I have to let my body heal but waiting these 3 months does feel very frustrating when you just want to get on with things. I fell pregnant first time (both times) previously so I’m hoping it will happen again and my remaining tube will catch the egg if it comes out of the opp side!
Did you find anything helped you to cope? Any books, meditation etc? I’ve had such a dark day today I’m willing to try anything to feel better!! Xxx

@Tgrf55 hey I feel like using headspace for meditation helped me they have loads of different courses. I think there are a few different options for similar apps now.

I also used CBD oil for a while to help anxiety x

@Bananaloaf88 so randomly this thread popped up in my mind and I just wanted to see how you were (and all the other ladies on this thread!). My DD is now 3 and I’m currently sat feeding my 5 month old DS. Looking back on these messages I feel so lucky and wish I’d known what the future held to save all of that worry! But at the time it was so very real and a dark place to be - I hope anyone else who has come across this thread looking for hope of a “happy ever after” following an ectopic has found it useful xx

Hey! It's so lovely to hear this! I also have a 3 year old DS now and a DD who turned 1 last August. If I'm honest she was a bit of an unexpected surprise as we weren't quite ready for another at the time 😂 We only have 22 months between ours it has been a rollercoaster journey between this post and now but like you I'm so grateful for my two buds 😍