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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Advice please - for miscarriage

32 replies

SoVeryVerySad · 26/05/2015 18:47

I had my first scan today at 13 weeks and found out that the baby had no heart beat, too small and that I will be miscarrying. I also started bleeding today.

They gave me three options and I said I'd come back in a week for another scan. Now I wish I had asked whether I could have an ERPC straight away as it's likely that I will miscarry in the next few days if this bleeding continues and cramps start.

How quickly can they do the ERPC does anyone know?

It will make me feel better if I know they couldn't have done it straight away in any case. I'm worried about the reality of a natural miscarriage.

OP posts:

Lucy61 · 26/05/2015 18:55

Sorry that you are going through this op. I had this procedure done a few weeks ago. They couldn't do it there and then as they needed to talk to me about it first, do blood tests and give me lots info. But they did offer me an appointment the very next day. I think call the unit ASAP and they will act quickly.

I know you didn't ask this, but with regards to the procedure itself, it was straight forward ( for me anyway) and was home a few hours later. The emotional recovery, however, is what takes longer.

Original poster

SoVeryVerySad · 26/05/2015 18:58

Thanks Lucy, sorry to hear you went through the same, it's an awful shock.

I'll call in the morning, hopefully I can get through. I just tried and no answer, it's a walk in from 9 to 12.

I hadn't yet told anyone about the pg and I was hoping to share the good news today :(

I'm worried about seeing stuff I don't want to see. I know that sounds intense, but the reality of that just hit me.

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Lucy61 · 26/05/2015 19:11

I understand. We had only told our parents but found that I told more people after the mc as I felt I needed the support - eg two close friends and boss to explain time off work.

I got signed off work for two weeks and needed every minute of that time.

Original poster

SoVeryVerySad · 26/05/2015 19:21

One friend knew as she guessed straight away when I didn't want to drink and it was nice for someone to know.

I haven't decided yet whether to share with anyone / everyone, my parents, my friends. It's hard to know what will help - nothing probably. Dreading it all going back to nothing, no symptoms, usual cycles and dreading the EDD already. Feels so empty.

Not sure what to do about work either, was planning to go in tomorrow which is probably nuts. I may even be miscarrying the bleeding is getting heavier. They didn't know I was pg.

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bakingtins · 26/05/2015 19:25

I'm so sorry OP that must have been a horrible shock. If it was a missed miscarriage and baby measured around the size where they expect a heartbeat to develop (6-7 weeks) then the policy is not to intervene unless a scan in a further 1-2 weeks shows no development. This is to prevent them ending a viable pregnancy where dates are out. It is very difficult when you are sure you should be 12 weeks and they are not listening, but IME they won't deviate from that policy. If the baby measured past that point ( I.e. To be viable at that size should def have a heartbeat visible) then they should offer you management options at the earliest opportunity, which might be a few days wait for a surgery space. It does seem to be the case that sometimes once your brain has accepted the news that the pregnancy is not progressing your body can 'let go' and begin the process of physically miscarrying.
There is a v helpful thread which I'll find and bump up for you called 'tips for coping'. If you are starting to miscarry now hopefully it will help you feel more prepared and less frightened. The Miscarriage Association website is v good for factual, practical information, and there is always someone on Mumsnet if you need a 'listening ear'. I agree with lucy that it's a good idea to call on close friends or family for support - it's a horrible sad thing to go through.

bakingtins · 26/05/2015 19:37

Don't go in to work. Never mind the physical side, you must be in pieces emotionally. Your GP will sign you off 1-2 weeks for a MC no problem, if you don't want work to know they can put something vague about gynae issues. I have had 4 natural MC and each one has involved heavy bleeding at one stage. You need to be in the comfort and privacy of your own home, it is not something to deal with in a work environment.

Original poster

SoVeryVerySad · 26/05/2015 19:37

Thanks Baking. They did say I could decide straight away as the size was big enough to expect a heart beat. But for some reason I zoned in on the risks and thought oh I'm bleeding I'll wait and avoid the risks, which are probably minimal. Now I wish I had asked more about how quickly I could get it done. But will call in the morning and see what they say. If I miscarry overnight then I couldn't have done it that quickly anyway.

It's odd that my body did start the process just as I found out, I have felt pg for the last month and felt sickness and there hasn't been growth.

I want to go to work but given I can't stop crying right now, I'm worried I'll be the same tomorrow. Will see how I feel.

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Original poster

SoVeryVerySad · 26/05/2015 19:38

x-post

Thanks yes I'll go to the GP.

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Lauren83 · 26/05/2015 19:41

So sorry to hear this, same happened to me last week no HB at 8.5wk after seeing one at 6.5, it was twins from my 4th ivf. Found out Tue had procedure fri and went back to work Mon, it actually did me good going back as first day I didn't cry all day

Lovemylittlebear · 26/05/2015 19:42

So sorry to hear your news and hope you have good friends and family that can hold your hand xxx

Original poster

SoVeryVerySad · 26/05/2015 19:52

Sorry to hear about your MCs Baking, and Lauren and thanks to you and Lovemylittebear.

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NorthernChinchilla · 26/05/2015 22:00

So sorry to hear about the mmc SoVery, it's such a hideous, gut churning shock when you find out.
In my experience, they were able to carry out the surgical management two days after the scan. Unfortunately this included a weekend in my case but if you call tomorrow fingers crossed you could be seen before the weekend.
The op itself eas simple and straightforward, nothing to be concerned about.

Hope you get it sorted

Purpleprickles · 26/05/2015 23:22

I'm really sorry you are going through this SoVery. I've also had a mmc, no bleeding yet though. Went back for my second scan today and I'm booked in for an ERPC tomorrow. I was quite surprised and relieved it was so fast, especially after a hideous 9 day wait for the second scan. I would go back to your EPU tomorrow and request the procedure. I'm like you I don't want to see anything and although I'm petrified of the general anaesthetic I'd rather that than the other options. I would see how you feel about work too, I managed two days last week. The first was great as it kept me busy, the second I kept bursting into tears because it all seemed too normal. I really think this is a time when you need to do what I right for you and what will help you. Chatting on these pages has supported me and also I've found lots of helpful info on the miscarriage association webpage.
I am thinking of you, it's a horrible time and you just need to take it one day at a time.

Original poster

SoVeryVerySad · 27/05/2015 07:08

Thanks Northern and Purple, horrible isn't it sorry to hear you are / were in the same boat.

That's how I feel too Purple, worried about general anaesthetic but maybe the best way to do it. Going to walk in to EPU today and see what they say.

My eyes are puffed up from all the crying so I don't think work can happen today.

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DulcetMoans · 27/05/2015 07:41

So sorry for you sovery, it's devastating. I hope you have some RL support.

In my experience I was offered the options and choose to ERPC but was on a Friday so couldn't be booked in until the Monday. In the meantime I lost the baby naturally. I think once you decide you want it then they get you in quite quickly and I was told I could always change my mind so hopefully they will support you when you go there today and talk you through what happens next. I would expect they could get you in this week from what I had and others have said.

In terms of work, it is completely up to you and there is no right and wrong. I went back with one day off because I wanted to take my mind off it but there is likely to be some time off for the bleeding and then you won't be on full form. If you need more time then take it.

Completely understand your feeling to dread going back to TTC. Just take your time to do what you need to. You can start straight away or wait - whatever is right for you.

Original poster

SoVeryVerySad · 27/05/2015 08:01

Yes they said I could change my mind, the consultants were really good and very kind, which helped.

Can I ask you and Baking what a natural mc is like? if it's not too bad I can keep going as I am. I'm just not sure if it's happening or will get worse. Bleeding - not too heavy - and dark clots so far. Sorry if tmi

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DulcetMoans · 27/05/2015 08:45

Well I've had two and they were different so yours might not be quite the same as us. It does depend a bit on how far along you were as well.

My first, and the worst one, was MMC like yours at 11 weeks when baby had died around 7 weeks. The bleeding started slow on the Saturday and had some small clots in as you mentioned. Overnight the cramping got really painful and woke me up. I ended up in the loo being sick in a bowl while losing a lot of blood and much larger clots. The cramps were really painful and I was there a while with DH passing me drinks and tissues. It was painful but it didn't last that long - maybe 40mins? After that the bleeding went much lighter and lasted about a week. I then had a normal cycle length until next AF. That doesn't happen for everyone.

The second I was bleeding pretty much from getting the BFP but baby continued to grow. Went on for two weeks before eventually I was a bit crampy and passed the sac (I saw it). That was much less painful and messy and half expected because of the bleeding.

Hope that isn't too horrible to read - just want you to be prepared but there is no one way that it will happen for everyone.

Original poster

SoVeryVerySad · 27/05/2015 08:55

Thanks Dulcet, it's really helpful to hear it as it's the unknown that is making me indecisive. Details are good.

I got up had a shower and now I'm back in bed. I'll try calling EPU instead. Not much conviction. I could wait it out and I have a scan next week or try and book the procedure.

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DulcetMoans · 27/05/2015 14:12

Hey sovery. Did you get through to the EPU?

Original poster

SoVeryVerySad · 27/05/2015 14:27

Dulcet yes I did thanks. They said come in today so I'm here in EPU now with probably a long wait. I'm reminded of how happy I was just as I walked in yesterday. I suppose we all get through it.

I'm so nervous about GA and something going wrong and the risks, but the bleeding has really slowed and I'm also keen to get it over with.

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Purpleprickles · 27/05/2015 17:06

SoVery I'm really pleased to hear they have said come back. I had my ERPC this morning and at the moment I feel fine, just tired and a bit achey. At the moment my bleeding is minimal and it should stay that way. I was petrified of the GA and cried at every new medical person I met. I have to say it was fine and going off felt woozy and nice and when I woke up I felt the most relaxed I have done in the last ten days. The staff were fabulous and so caring and at the moment I feel the most emotionally stable I have done since I found out too. I have had longer to get my head round it though.

I had mine at about 9am, was awake by 10 and eating a sandwich by about 12pm, home by 1pm so all very swift.

Good luck, I'm thinking so much of you

Original poster

SoVeryVerySad · 27/05/2015 17:30

Thanks so much Purple and well done on getting to the other side and feeling better.

The earliest they could book me in was Monday, unfortunately. Friday may have been a possibility if I had said so yesterday.

The consultant also said that I really wouldn't want to be at work if I started to miscarry, I would want to be home. So now I have two days more to stay at home if I want to avoid that risk. Then Monday off for the procedure too if I haven't miscarried by then. Although will need a scan in any case.

I rang HR to tell them and of course at the mention of the word I lost it, and cried too much and voice went very high.

This small little thread has really helped, knowing that you all know what it's like, or going through it too, really helps

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Lucy61 · 27/05/2015 17:41

Oh gosh, op.

Lucy61 · 27/05/2015 17:43

Oh gosh, op @ crying on phone to hr. It's horrible having to explain. Talking about it made me feel worse.

Purpleprickles · 27/05/2015 17:48

SoVery I'm glad to hear you are booked in. For me it felt like I had a little control once there was a plan in place. I would spend the next couple of days doing what feels right for you, I slept as I kept waking up in the night, watched bad TV and even cleaned my house from top to bottom during one mad energy burst.
As for work I have cried over all of my management (we are quite close as I've been there for years) and I also got caught having what I thought was a secret proper shoulder shaking sob on the drive to a work by a lovely colleague who happened to be next to me in traffic So I think crying on the phone is natural and to be expected.

Be kind to yourself and I'll keep checking in on this if you need to chat. I think I'm on a bit of a relief/GA high today so I'll probably come crashing down again and be needing a chat too x

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