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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Waiting to miscarry -- stay at home, or not?

29 replies

TomboyWife · 10/02/2013 12:52

I should be seven weeks. A scan on Friday showed a gestational sac measuring bang on for seven weeks, but an embryo that was only five weeks. We were told to come back in ten days but that the embryo had probably stopped developing a couple of weeks ago.

I've been having AF-like cramps for several days, and this morning I've got what looks like day one of a period. I've been through this once before and I know what's happening. My dilemma is, should I stay at home until it's all over, or should I go about my business? Last time I got bleeding at this level several days before I actually miscarried and I had a couple of hours' warning of "the main event". But I've also read stories of women miscarrying very suddenly.

Any advice from others who've been in the same situation? Having it happen in the loo at (my very male-dominated) work is a terrifying thought, but I also don't want to make lame excuse after lame excuse for why I'm not in the office.

OP posts:

spanky2 · 10/02/2013 12:56

Stay at home. Just because it is sad and you need to be somewhere like home. Poor you you are being very brave. Tell anyone who asks you had the runs then they won'tquestion you too much . Take care.

LittleChimneyDroppings · 10/02/2013 12:58

I'd stay at home. When I had a mc it came on very quickly and there was a huge amount of blood. It would have been horrible if that had happened when I was out.

tinselahohoho · 10/02/2013 13:05

Sorry for what is happening Tomboy

I'd stay at home if I were you - if you've been through it before, you'll maybe be able to move things along more quickly too if you're in your own environment as you'll know how it works for you, if you see what I mean? I also find when miscarrying that I can feel dizzy and quite sick at times, so the travel back from work if you do start to feel it all might be tricky.

Take care,

charitymum · 10/02/2013 14:50

So sorry to hear your sad news.

Stay at home. Every miscarriage I've has been different and some been very fast and painful.

Try and keep moving if you can. Potter around and eat little and often. Take painkillers at the first sign of pain - don't wait until it's really sore.

Rough news. Take it easy and be easy on yourself

GuppieK · 10/02/2013 15:40

I would also stay home for a couple of days then reassess. Mine have all happened at night thankfully but have come on quickly. Really sorry you're going through this. It is gutting.

leelteloo · 10/02/2013 15:48

SO sorry this is happening to you. i would stay home; I had 1 natural mc and 1 dnc and the natural one was v painful, loads of blood and contractions. Ended up with dh driving me to A&E: they were next to useless and being away from home was a mistake as the pads couldn't contain the flow. Sorry if this is tmi but I wouldn't want you going through what I did at work.

Original poster

TomboyWife · 10/02/2013 20:12

Thanks for the advice everyone. I was hoping things would progress further today; my guess is that it'll be mid-week at least before this is all over. In any case, I'll tell my boss I have medical issues which mean I have to stay at home for the next few days. Hopefully he won't press for more detail than that.

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BlackholesAndRevelations · 10/02/2013 20:28

Sorry to hear your news op

Hope you don't mind me piggy backing on your thread to say, I had a mc at just over 6 weeks and it was physically very painful plus I passed the sac and felt dizzy/sick/devastated. I'm mc-ing again but only about 5 weeks. Will it be easier/more like just a late period? I can't take any more time off

NorksAreMessy · 10/02/2013 20:37

tomboy can you say to your boss 'I am losing a baby' it is true and real and very sad.
Why prevaricate, why lie, why deny him the chance to be sympathetic and share hs own experience, why deny the existence of your baby?
When I had my miscarriages and started to tell people, I was amazed and overwhelmed with the support I received.

Stay at home, do what you want to do and allow yourself time to grieve and to recover.

Original poster

TomboyWife · 10/02/2013 21:34

Norks if he asks for more information I'll be forthcoming, it's just that I think the details would make him uncomfortable.

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Irishmammybread · 11/02/2013 00:11

Sorry to everyone who's suffered a loss and found their way onto a miscarriage thread.
Tomboy I agree with the advice to stay at home,apart from the unpredictability of the physical symptoms it's such a difficult thing to go through emotionally and waiting for it to happen is stressful. Give yourself a bit of time and space in comfortable and familiar surroundings. I've had three mc, all different in their progress ,but the last one at 12 weeks started with cramping before any bleeding, and when the bleeding started it was sudden and very dramatic, I was glad I was near the bathroom.
Like Norks I was open about my miscarriages with my boss, though with me people had to know I was pregnant initially due to the nature of my job so I couldn't really hide it. For me it helped that people knew and when I talked about it I was surprised how many others had suffered pregnancy loss, it seems to be a slightly taboo subject . Having said that everyone is different, my DH didn't tell anyone at his work because he felt it was easier to cope that way.
Blackholes my early mc was at 6 weeks and it was like a heavy, more painful period with clots but no recognisable sac. I actually went into work during it, like you because I felt guilty about having so much time off for the previous mc and I thought this early it couldn't be too bad.Not clever, I ended up keeling over and was signed off work by the GP. Dizzy spells lasted about 2 weeks.
I think sick time for pregnancy related illness is treated differently to normal sick leave? But I could be wrong.
Even an early loss can hit you very hard emotionally so look after yourself x

NorksAreMessy · 11/02/2013 13:16

tom, i am just checking in to see how you are feeling

Original poster

TomboyWife · 11/02/2013 18:05

Norks I'm gradually getting bloodier and crampier, but it's still only like day one of a period. I think it might be a while before I miscarry, but fortunately work were understanding (I offered to give details if they wanted them, but so far nobody's asked).

OP posts:

NorksAreMessy · 12/02/2013 05:57

spanky2 · 12/02/2013 11:23

I'mglad work are being supportive . Sending you a virtual hug .

Original poster

TomboyWife · 13/02/2013 19:32

Grrr, nothing's happening! I'm still bleeding like day one of a period, I've still got mild period pain type cramps, I'm still at home, and I want this to be over!

I might phone the EPU tomorrow morning, though I'm guessing they'll say either wait, or spend all morning getting another scan and then wait. The miscarriage leaflet from this particular EPU doesn't mention medical management -- the only two options they discuss are waiting and ERPC. At this point I'd rather avoid the ERPC if possible.

Grrr. Wait, I've already said that. Never mind, I'm saying it again.

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NorksAreMessy · 13/02/2013 20:56

say grrr as many times as you like tom this is utter crappy bolloxy rubbish. :(
what have you been doing with yourself today? anything nice or did you potter and snooze (my perfect day)

Original poster

TomboyWife · 14/02/2013 18:06

Norks I've been working full 8-hour days from home, the better to keep work's good will while I'm waiting around for things to happen.

I've decided to go back to the EPU tomorrow morning and ask for an ERPC. I imagine they won't have a slot until sometime next week, by which point I may have miscarried naturally, but at least it puts a worst-case end date on the situation.

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NorksAreMessy · 14/02/2013 21:06

tom you are sounding very strong and calm. Is anyone looking after you?

Original poster

TomboyWife · 14/02/2013 22:36

DH is around constantly as he has his own business and works from home. If/when it all kicks off, he'll be here.

OP posts:

Original poster

TomboyWife · 15/02/2013 19:18

I'm booked in for an ERPC on Monday. Feeling very relieved that this is all going to be over in three days.

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NorksAreMessy · 15/02/2013 21:09

Still rubbish though :(
Have you anything lovely planned to look forward to?

LostAndScared · 15/02/2013 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

TomboyWife · 16/02/2013 12:30

Norks we're going to take a consolation holiday. Not sure of the details yet; ideas so far include skiing, drinking litres of beer in Bavaria, and various other non-pregnancy-friendly activities. I guess if we go skiing in France we could bury ourselves in unpasteurised cheese as an added bonus.

OP posts:

NorksAreMessy · 16/02/2013 18:09

I love the idea of you cheese-skiing.
You could use edam for a helmet, and take inspiration from Wallace and Gromit on the moon.

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