Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Menopause

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Libido loss

48 replies

alypoole · 05/03/2012 13:51

Has anyone else found this is a sympton of the menopause, that is very rarely mentioned? This, and flushes was the main reason I have taken HRT, but have now been advised to come off it(I'm 59!). I really don't want this part of my life to end. Does anyone else feel like I do ?

OP posts:
RuleBritannia · 05/03/2012 15:51

I was going to suggest HRT but you've already been taking it. What about another type of HRT pill? 'Being advised' doesn't mean that you have to take the advice, does it? Tasking HRT changed my life completely! It did make me randy.

RuleBritannia · 05/03/2012 15:51

*taking

ameliagrey · 05/03/2012 19:56

I think it's well known that you can lose your libido. It's not really a good enough reason in itself to take HRT if you have no other symptoms though, IMO.

How long have you been on it?

Original poster
alypoole · 06/03/2012 11:50

Really?!!!!!!!!!!!!

I must be honest it was quite a shock to me . It's rarely mentioned in women's magazines, it almost seems a taboo subject. Can any other women out there tell me how they coped/overcome this problem? Some people say all the old feelings return. I'm sceptical. I've been on a very small dose for 4-5 years and am having a problem coming off if. Flushes are frequent and sleep has been a problem for years.

OP posts:
chelseamorning · 06/03/2012 12:54

I had my DS just after my 40th birthday and shortly thereafter was diagnosed as being peri-menopausal. It happens early in my family which was something no-one told me about! Shock At least I managed to have one child.

I've had pretty poor libido ever since. I really don't fancy it. If I found Brad Pitt in my bed I'd probably offer him a nice cup of tea! Grin Tbh, DH has just accepted it and we keep hoping that things will change. Lots of cuddles help to keep us emotionally close as well as physically.

I've dabbled with a mild contraceptive pill to give me an oestrogen boost, and have also taken HRT for 3 months to see if it helped with the loss of libido and to help with my mood swings as they were horrendous. My mum has incurable breast cancer Sad so I gave HRT up and I'm now coping with my symptoms using nutrition and exercise. Feel okay most of the time and sage drops help with the hot flushes. No help with libido though. It's a bitch!

ameliagrey · 06/03/2012 17:45

yes- it is well known. I've seen so many articles and letters on "problem pages" about loss of sex drive after 50. it's a bit of a cliche TBH.

well look , the first thing is you do not HAVE to come off HRT- the risk rises after 5 years but some drs will keep you on it if you understand the risks. I have a private gynae who is an expert on meno and he regards HRT (or not) as the woman's choice aslong as she is aware of the full facts- and has no health issues that make it high risk.

if you want to stay on it and your GP is not keen, then I'd find another dr or meno clinic that wil llet you make that choice.

Also some women take testosterone for sex drive.

You might like to look at the website of Professor John Studd- meno expert ( not my dr).

Original poster
alypoole · 06/03/2012 22:03

Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
alypoole · 10/03/2012 14:42

No more women out there got any help for me? Anyone tried testosterone?

OP posts:
topsi · 01/05/2012 17:41

You would probably need to go to a private doctor but if your testosterone is low then cream can be prescribed to give you back your mo-jo

simbo · 01/05/2012 17:48

Watching this with interest, as I think I lost mine about 10 yrs ago and rather miss it. I hadn't considered it a medical problem so never sought advice. I just sort of accepted it.

topsi · 01/05/2012 17:50

Not that I have tried it but I am just having some blood tests at the moment to try and discover why I am so lack luster. This is something that I am going to test for.

topsi · 01/05/2012 17:51

It is only available on the NHS if you have undergone hysterectomy (I think)

jomojomum · 04/06/2012 17:07

I have heard and read about Horny goat weed which can help loss of libido in the menopause, but haven't tried it.

Everhopeful · 02/08/2012 20:35

Am SO glad I'm not the only one! I feel really sorry for DH and have had to resort to lubricants (too much info?) now and then, when I can cope with the idea. I had high hopes for v expensive horny goat weed, but it didn't do anything for me. Trouble with going over to cuddles is that the hot flushes will come on as soon as I get warm...so I tend to find a nice, cold bed when that happens! Am using Evening Primrose Oil to help with sore boobs as well, which is another reason not to like him getting too close. So far, dr seems helpless and just tells me to live with it...

Ameliagrey · 02/08/2012 20:43

Everhopeful change your dr to one who is more tuned in to all of this. Get vaginal HRT to help - better than lube and perfectly safe-and talk about full HRT.

Stoney666 · 03/08/2012 18:54

Hi
very interesting post as I
Feel just like u describe. Have just got back from dr I mentioned testosterone and she say oh no that's in men Sad

Everhopeful · 07/08/2012 20:54

Well, guess I could have another go Amelia - probably gave up too easily in the first place. Can't help thinking that no job and some excess weight (not obese, but def overweight) don't help the cause any tho. Yes, I am trying to lose it and get a job, so don't go there [touchy]!

dustwhatdust · 07/08/2012 21:59

I really sympathise - it's a real problem of the menapause that nobody has a solution to .
I lost my libido about 2-3years ago - I'm 52 and have been on HRT for about 2 years, i had heard that HRT ws great for sex drive so i was hopeful !

That did'nt happen and my lack of sex drive has caused a great problem for my marriage . He just doen't understand I don't feel desire anymore , My poor DH is quite highly sexed and intercourse is painful and although i use lots of lube, it's not enough .
It's a well known symtom of the menapause : vaginal atrophy , which is what i have, its the thinning of the skin in the vaginal and it makes it much more prone to tearing and bruising etc . so much of my problem is even when i'm determined to have sex - it hurts . the gp prescribed vagifem pessaries which are supposed to restore the natural suppleness in the vagina -but i doesn't !

Anyway if i could find something that just made me want to have sex with my DH ... if only

silvercat · 08/08/2012 00:45

I went to private doc and got prescribed HRT as a gel plus testosterone (also gel)- I actually hardly mentioned loss of libido (though it's definitely a factor) as I was mainly concerned about energy levels, poor concentration and rubbish memory, all of which testosterone is meant to improve. V excited but a bit scared! All the googling I've done tells me this is not a mainstream treatment - I'm hoping it's one of those things they don't want us to have because it's so great and would cost loads of money if we all asked for it as opposed to something that's just really risky and unproven! btw I've only been on the treatment a week so can't say yet if it's working but have high hopes as I already feel more lively (perhaps just imagining it though....). Also stuff I've read says it reduces various health risks and also reduces body fat, hurrah! Anyone else have experience of taking this or know anyone who has?

Bellaciao · 08/08/2012 17:23

I haven't gone down the T route yet but have experienced similar loss of L - yes it is very common!

Quite a number of women do use it but usually those who have had a hysterectomy or have been prescribed it at a meno-clinic (NHS) or private gynae. Some take it as a result of research they have carried out and bought it online.

There is a long thread on this menopause support forum where women from UK, New Zealand and S Africa use it:
menopausesupport.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=menosupport&action=display&thread=22

As ameliagray said Prof Studd - private and very eminent gynae prescribes it almost routinely.

Stoney666 · 08/08/2012 18:41

How much would I be looking at to go private. My gps are just not interestedSad

Ameliagrey · 08/08/2012 20:24

Cost- it depends.

Reckon on something around £150 ( averaging out here- some charge £100-ish but 1st appts tend to be longer and more ££) for a first appt. For that you might get close to an hour- certainly 30-45 minutes.

You'd need to check about additional costs for any blood tests etc.

Some of these are cheap-ish but others can be expensive- but you don't have to agree to tests and further costs.

My private insurance does not cover me any more for routine gynae appts so I pay for the consultations but negotiate with my dr over which tests are essential ,as I'd have to pay for them.

dustwhatdust · 08/08/2012 21:57

Rather embarassed about my spelling mistakes : especially menopause, gosh ... sorry !

Thank you ameliagrey, very interesting about testosterone gel and maybe i do need to go privately as my GP is definitely not offering me anything else to improve the libido and pain during intercourse .

ameliagrey · 08/08/2012 22:12

dust might be barking up the wrong tree here, but is it your relationship that's in the doldrums rather than your sex drive? Do you still fancy other men- but maybe not your DH? Sometimes it can be hard to separate the two :)
if it's become an issue then maybe your DH needs to be more patient and understanding instead of making you feel like a failure.

I don't think HRT is a magic cure for loss of libido and there are so many kinds that some might even depress your sex drive.

The lube issue- did you use it as instructed? Vagifem is very strong- but it is supposed to work if used as instructed. Are you continuing to use it? If you are still sore then you should go back to your dr or ask for a referral to a gynae. Some women use Ovestin which is a cream, and I know they have to use it once a day for about 10 days then once a week thereafter. It is a cure for vaginal atrophy even in very old ladies. So if you are still sore- ask again at drs.

dustwhatdust · 08/08/2012 22:38

Yes , amelia - I do wonder about that, our marriage is not great any way and I'm not sure as it seems to be a chicken and egg situation . I don't fancy having sex with anyone, i'd rather have a back rub !
my poor husband feels really rejected as i'm jsut not interested in doing any thing sexual , iykwim !

I'm on the continual HRT which is not mimicing (sp?) the menstrual cycle it's a continual dosage for the whole month.
Regarding the vagifem pessaries even when i was using regularly and properly , sex was painful , i suppose i'm over anxious whenever we attempt it as I anticipate it hurting.

I'm glad as this has reminded me to use the pessaries for the next few nights in preparation for our holdiay next week !
thanks for your advice , really appreciate it

Swipe left for the next trending thread