Libido loss

[alypoole]

Has anyone else found this is a sympton of the menopause, that is very rarely mentioned? This, and flushes was the main reason I have taken HRT, but have now been advised to come off it(I'm 59!). I really don't want this part of my life to end. Does anyone else feel like I do ?

Maybe you both need to work on the marriage as well as the sex stuff?

I honestly think it's a case of use it or lose it:) If it's a while since you had sex, you will have shrunk internally and it may well hurt at first. It is something drs can help with, and if you can bear it, maybe you should ask a gynae to examine you and see what's going on down there?

Sometimes they suggest dilators of various sizes, but you can probably improvise with something!

Hi there again dustwhatdust
Two different things are being talked about here - there is the soreness and pain caused by vaginal atrophy and there is lack of libido.
Sometimes the fear of it hurting can impact on desire, but that is only part of the story.
First deal with the pain through all the things suggested above
What dose of Vagifem have you been given and how long have you been using it? It comes in 2 strengths 10 mcg or 25 mcg so maybe you need the higher one if only given the lower, as sounds like you are a bad case.... Also some women use it for longer than the initial fortnightly if symtpoms are very bad, and also increase it from twice to three times a week (on the maintenance dose) now and again if symptoms recur.
Libido is another thing altogether.
I have just about got the vaginal atrophy and pain sorted - through HRT, vaginal pessaries, and estriol cream.
However my libido is still zero.
I know the answer is probably either higher HRT dose (but I am too old for that) or Testosterone, or both.
Can you get a referral to a menopause clinic (NHS) through your GP, who has admitted s/he is unable to help?
Prof Studd I know is very expensive so I have heard.
Depends where you live.
Dr Annie Evans is much cheaper - Bristol and Cornwall!
www.drannieevans.com/
Goodluck!

yes ameliagrey, sounds like you know me ! Use it or loose it definitely !
It's been too long due to anxiety and additional things don't help as i'm on antidepressants which are well known to effect things negatively too.
I did ask the gp if i needed topical eostrogen cream as a top up to the vagifem and she said it was'nt necessary and said it might be vaginistis and
suggested maybe physco-sexual(sp?) counselling . I confess I didn't follow that up.
Interesting that maybe it needs a bit of stretching after too long a time of inactivety -
hello bellaciao- I had a look and i'm on vagifem 25mg , i'll admit i hven't always been using it continually as prescribed, sometimes i have used that as an excuse and delaying tactic - as i need to prepare myself for any possible action, IYKWIM !
Thanks so much for all your advice both, and i'm glad to hear Bella that you've managed to conquer the vaginal atrophy. I understand the day somone invents somthing for female libido they'll make huge differnce to womens' lives .
I will investigate the private gynaecologist as I think it's worth trying, I'm in West London so sadly Dr Evans is too far i think .

dust It does sound as if your sexual problems are a combination of many things- mainly psychological ( relationship issues), anxiety about the sex , and the effect of antidepressants- they are well known to dampen libido.

I'd echo what your dr said about counselling with a therapist who knows about sexual behaviour and problems.

You don't need Ovestin cream and Vagifem! One or the other. You do need to use whatever you are using regularly though, and no sex will mean your vagina will shrink and be tighter unless you use it ! :)

I'm going to PM you the name of a gynae n London.

Hi dustwhatdust again

Sorry I didn't see the other two posts before I made mine - haven't got used to the two pages thing!

I am going to stick my neck out here as I am not a fan of counselling until all other avenues have been tried - unless you really think that the fact that your marriage is not great is due to other things than lack of sex.

The fact that you said you don't fancy having sex with anyone says it all - that is exactly how I feel and there's nothing at all wrong with my marriage!
Lack of libido, and vaginal soreness and therefore fear of sex along can damage a relationship.

Does your husband know what the problem is re soreness?
Definitely keep on with the Vagifem - maybe up to 3 times a week to get the tissues plumped up. The VA will return if you stop using it - it is to be used forever...

You are not supposed to need both but actually I find using a topical oestrogen around the outer vaginal area strengthens the tissues here which is where the first sign of pain is off-putting. Press the doc for this if you can ie Gynest cream (which is Estriol 0.01 % - 10 times weaker than Ovestin), get a good lube, maybe have a few drinks and.....hopefully you might feel a bit more like it. Sorry that sounds a bit flippant - but has helped with me.

The gynest comes with an applicator but I just squeeze a bit out of the tube and rub it in - this has really helped, whatever the docs say - and mine was happy to give it to me.

The libido as we have discussed can probably only be helped by T so unless you go down this route miracles won't happen, but at least one can oblige without pain!

Continuous progesterone (as well as the ADs) also might be having an effect too - I still have a (long) cycle because I don't want to take it all the time. Don't know if you said earlier what HRT you were on?

Btw I dispute the use it or lose it too - from experience!! I won't go into my private life on a public forum too much but suffice to say due to the above (soreness and lack of L) quite some time elapsed before the event took place and even now.... well.... no more details, but lack of L plays a big part in frequency!!! Also possibly may depend whether and how many children you had? I had 4, last at 40 so been stretched a few times! As long as you keep up with the Vagifem, HRT and other cream if you can it should be OK only to partake from time to time, and without pain.

Just my opinion and from my experience.

"Use it or lose it" applies as much to libido as to the physical cabability to have sex.

It's well known that the more you have sex, the more you want it- and the opposite is true.

Sex therapists usually advise getting back into the swing of it again by not having penetrative sex at first, but focusing on massage, foreplay and being affectionate.

If Dust you are in a long term marriage, and on ADs, the odds are you are not going to have the hots for your DH very often!

But it's also a bit like anyone creative waiting for "inspiration"- it never comes- the answer is to just get on with being creative.

I've read quite a bit about libido and the experts appear to advise making the effort which actually makes you feel sexual once you get started.

I still think though that you need to acknowledge the fact that your marriage is not great- if it's not happening in your head, or you feel resentful, or unloved, or whatever the issues are, then it's not a good basis, is it?

Thank you so much for all your wise comments and advice, really value what other women can do to support each other.

Ameliagrey , how kind of you to PM me -never had one before !
Yours and Bellaciao's links have been interesting reading and useful too.
I'm on holiday next week so I have been upping the vagifem . I'm on klivience continual doseage all throught the month - . I am determined to go and seek out more expert help so thanks to Amelia , i think i will go and see this particular gynae.
I haven't done 'IT' for several months now so i think i need to try for DH sake but as you know Bella it is so difficult with zero libido to show enthusiasm and if it was just down to play acting ... but i do use lots of Play by durex and have done for several years before the VA
Will report back any progress, as Iknow how useful these forums are to 'compare notes.

Thank you all.

posted before seeing your last post .
Thanks , i think you are very wise , i need to make much more effort . my husband's libido is amazing , but he is younger than me so... allways very enthusiastic and up for it
Really going to try over the next week or so .

Hi there, have read this thread with great interest and thought you might like to hear my experience.

My libido has gradually disappeared over the last 3 years, triggered by taking Cerazette to stop me ovulating- I have endometriosis and that's the current control method. Now using Depo Provera but still no desire.

I am also well into menopause apparently, despite being only 46.

After sadly concluding that nothing was going to bring my libido back, I've recently been working on sorting out the dryness as sex was becoming even more painful than usual. Vagifem was fab but I started bleeding 2 weeks in so my lovely GP stopped me having it. We then tried Replens which was messy and less effective. Ovestin made me itch so badly I thought I had thrush and triggered bleeding again.

Having ordered a sample of Sylk lubricant in the post, my long suffering DH and I had an unexpectedly good evening, and I've now got a bottle of it. It's free on prescription for over 60's but £7.65 was a bargain! I can't believe it doesn't have any side effects- I can't even use KY jelly for gynae examinations so it's been amazing. Pain free sex was a pipe dream for so long. Am still hunting for my elusive libido though...

I may ask my consultant about testosterone but fear she will refuse as my hormones are causing enough trouble already!

ameliagrey, what do you mean by "Vagifem is very strong"? My menopause/gynae doctor told me that the pessaries have an absolutely miniscule amount of estrogen in them.

dust have you tried an oil based lubricant? I think they are a bit more effective than the water based ones though a bit messy!

Vagifem is made from estradiol, and Ovestin is made from estriol.
Estradiol is a more potent type of estrogen.

Some estradiol can be absorbed into the blood stream, but less so with estriol.

Using Vagifem for a long time ( 2 years or more constantly) can sometimes cause thickening of the endometrium ( uterine lining) and this needs to be monitored with a scan, or by taking progestins to bring about a bleed, now and then. This is my gynae's advice.

No

Elen- are you a troll?

Why have you posted on 2 threads here about similar topics and just added the comment 'no'?

Maybe you ought to be reported to MNHQ cos something odd is going on here- why are you posting on old zombie threads?

if you have a point to make on the topic start your own thread.

Has anyone tried homeothepathic remedies for loss of libido? I'd really like to hear about your experience

Homeopathy is not good for anything- it's complete tosh. Sorry.

I have used homeopathy which was recommended by my doctor and it works really well. Have tried it for several ailments and all respond well. I also use herbal remedies.

Missbopeep no am not a troll,am 66 years old,not very good with iPad,don't know why i wrote that think i was starting to say something and
Changed my mind.Will keep practicing,BE PATIENT with me.

It’s not v well known imo. There’s huge ignorance around this stuff. Ask any woman under 40 whether she’s aware her libido could vanish overnight and her orgasm function end. I’m battling to cope with it. I am single and at 46 feel like my dating life is over. Why would I want a new man pawing at me when I’m dead below waist? Women need more support with this overall. I’m trying testosterone and hrt - no changes yet. Wish me luck!

Good luck Lloy!
I was in the same boat, a year ago at 41. No libido, depressed, awful pains, insomnia and so on. I was thinking that my career and my life in general was over and convinced that I had a terminal illness. So the diagnosis of my early menopause was a relief for me.
Things will be better with time, our body will adjust with the new hormonal state and with hrt we can replace the hormones our ovaries don’t produce anymore. I have a good sexual life with a new partner, no other menopause symptoms, only a bit anxious about my decision to take hrt for the rest of my life!
My gyn and my endo say that I had so severe symptoms that caused me such a fear and panic! 😳😂

Thank you ! Good to know

what is DS? Thanks everyone

I love you for this !

If you're on ADs and have low libido you have to make a choice. They absolutely knocked out my libido even when I was 30...the moment I came off them it returned. GPs prescribe these things like smarties but they're bldy strong! Good luck to all.