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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Anyone else get NO maintenance?

30 replies

CupcakeDrama · 20/04/2019 12:05

I dont get a penny from ex. We have 4 children. Hes never really paid. (maybe a couple of times in the beginning) but he hasnt paid for the last 3 years atleast, but he actively chooses not to work and doesnt claim benefits so hes managed to get away completely without paying a penny. Anyone else not get any maintenance? Seems unusual as everyone I know gets something even if its £5 a week. Anyone else get nothing?

OP posts:

turnitdownanotch · 20/04/2019 13:02

No benefits? What does he live off?

lovinglifexo · 20/04/2019 13:04

If he has no job , he has nothing to pay you.

RickyGold · 20/04/2019 13:06

I didn't get any as he had ds overnight 2-3 times a fortnight and he was on benefits so I was not entitled to the small amount, he is now dead so I still get nothing!

Original poster

CupcakeDrama · 20/04/2019 13:11

Nope no benefits. He rents out his house, all cash in hand.

OP posts:

Original poster

CupcakeDrama · 20/04/2019 13:13

Hes choosing not to work to avoid CM. Hes a healthy adult with no dependants, he doesnt want to work because he doesnt want to pay CM. Hasnt worked in years.

OP posts:

Romax · 20/04/2019 13:15

He owns a property, which he doesn’t reside in, and receives cash payment so he doesn’t have to declare?

Report him

Original poster

CupcakeDrama · 20/04/2019 13:23

He lives in the property aswell and doesnt own it, its HA.

OP posts:

LizB62A · 20/04/2019 13:24

My ex lied and said he wasn't earning enough so he didn't pay anything, not even £5 a week (he has a limited company so was hiding his earnings that way)

Ahshitehesatitagain · 20/04/2019 13:40

Me too. Nothing despite having a case open with CMS for around 5 years. I got a little when he was on benefits but then he gets a job, they catch up with him and he quits. There are large amounts of time when he tells them he has no income but isn't claiming either...they do nothing despite me questioning how the fuck he's managing to live (& go out to hotels etc as seen on SM). They do nothing. Then he gets a job again and rinse and repeat.

What annoys me is that they never flag up when he starts a job and it's only ever if ring up for an update that they actually look on the systems. So they're always on a back foot when it comes to pursuing him. He does however have the money to stump up for mediation he's arranged for us next week, despite simultaneously not having a job or claiming...go figure!

ILoveMaxiBondi · 20/04/2019 13:45

I get nothing either. My ex works and should be paying at least £230 a month for two DC (was arranged years ago though and I have no idea if he has increased his salary since then) but I am happy never to see another penny from him if it means he stays out of my DC’s lives. I could go to CMS but the risk that he will use that to initiate contact proceedings is far too big.

Original poster

CupcakeDrama · 20/04/2019 20:11

Its good to hear from others in the same boat as sometimes I feel like the only one (even) though im obviously not!

I wish I could see it that way aswell ILoveMaxiBondi but it annoys the hell out of me that he gets to walk away with zero responsibilities!

OP posts:

Singlenotsingle · 20/04/2019 20:14

Why are these men like this? I didn't get any maintenance for mine either, but at least I only had 2 dc, not 4!

TotheletterofthelawTHELETTER · 20/04/2019 20:24

My exh is on a nil rate as he’s not in employment or claiming benefits.

I’m not entirely sure whether he’s working cash in hand or being supported by his parents.

ResidentStepMum · 20/04/2019 20:24

Why are these men like this?

Sadly it's not only men like this. We have had residency of dss since 2011 and get zero from his biological mum. She was only asked to pay £15 a week but apparently can't afford it despite jetting off on holiday several times a year. She has not she seen him since 2013 and lives abroad. Nothing on birthdays or Christmas either. Blocked us on WhatsApp and moved without giving an address. We found out on social media.

She's now happily remarried and prefers to tell ppl that she has no kids. Backfired slightly when she had no idea she was talking to a mutual friend of ours very randomly one night. Apparently she was mortified and tried to back track, very cringe worthy.

turnitdownanotch · 20/04/2019 20:28

@TotheletterofthelawTHELETTER

I love your username

PorpentinaScamander · 20/04/2019 20:29

Me. Ex quit his job when he met his now wife. And they've listed him as carer for her DC so he doesn't have to pay anything.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 20/04/2019 20:29

I wish I could see it that way aswell ILoveMaxiBondi but it annoys the hell out of me that he gets to walk away with zero responsibilities!

It did annoy me too for years. I was very angry. I actually had some counselling a couple of years ago to help me accept the situation. I realised that my anger was only affecting me and not doing anything to change the situation. I couldn’t make him be a parent by being angry with him. My anger wasn’t affecting him at all. Just me. And badly. So I made a decision to accept this is how it is. It is wrong that he doesn’t support his DC, but I don’t get upset over it anymore.

TiredTodayZzzz · 20/04/2019 20:30

I get nothing. 2 children he doesn't bother with them. Works cash in hand while claiming benefits. I used to CMS calculator and I'm entitled to £7 per week (total for both!!). Would cost me £20 to claim it, I'd rather not bother!

balloonyellow · 20/04/2019 20:30

I don’t get anything either and never have. And no contact. 3 years in its very difficult taking the brunt of everything, emotionally and financially. It’s horrendous that men are allowed to get away with this! I’d go down CMS route but don’t want a contact order to rear it’s ugly head as a result. Hope things get better for you OP

Eustasiavye · 20/04/2019 20:31

My dsis got nothing. Her ex packed his job in and his new wife went full time to support them both.

Gingerkittykat · 20/04/2019 20:34

Can you report him to his housing association? I'm pretty sure you shouldn't be in social housing while owning a home.

For years I got a big fat zero, ex knows every trick for delaying and avoiding maintenance including being paid cash in hand, being supported by a partner and job hopping.

I got my MP involved and the CSA suddenly got into gear and took action. It's changed to CMS and he is on collect and pay which goes through HMRC. I receive between 0 and £300 a month, I don't depend on it though. If he changes jobs then it takes them a couple of months to catch up and put on the DOE order, by which time he could have moved on.

I've worked out he could easily be paying maintenance arrears until his DC are 30+

Original poster

CupcakeDrama · 21/04/2019 00:33

Sorry I dont think I was clear. He doesnt own a home, he lives in a 3 bed housing association house, he rents out the 3 rooms and sleeps in the living room (told me he could never hve the kids because of this ) From what I have heard there is no
point reporting him. When I asked him to pay maintenance he said “you dont have kids to get paid!” he is now absent through choice and think he shouldnt have to pay for children he doesnt see.

Thanks for your comments. There are so many deadbeat fathers out there. Sad way to treat your own children.

OP posts:

Rainbowknickers · 04/05/2019 17:08

I’ve had £1 in 22 years he claims the kids aren’t his-eve tho he took me to court for access (he wouldn’t have done if he hadn’t got legal aid) he works for cash and jets off on at least 3 holidays a year (refused to ‘allow’ me to get passports for them) and hit the roof when we moved house and went away for a week

WheelyCote · 04/05/2019 17:16

10 years without maintenance. Finally started getting it last year.

He asked me to agree to a lesser amount because he pays into a pension....
I said no. After chasing and fighting to get CS a pension is something that ive not been in a position to pay into

Whatistheworldcominto · 06/05/2019 09:37

Me too. Mine's 16 now, and then did get the odd twenty quid a week when she was younger, then that dwindled. CSA as it was then said they 'couldn't find him' - as he quit his job and moved back in with his parents, and that was that. Wasn't going to make DD pay per view - I didn't think it fair on her. He did then go through a very tough patch of to ensure she could still go I sent food for when she was there and a bit of fuel money, she loves her dad and I couldn't let her go knowing she'd be hungry and cold, and also didn't feel right stopping it either. I did feel like a mug tbh, but also that I had no choice. He got back on his feet and we came to an agreement of 2 nights a week and then things like school uniform and shoes. There's been a few contributions but every time I ask I got "What about all that money you get from the government?!" I got fed up of hearing myself say "All what money? I work full time, I get tax credits and child benefit, same as millions of 2 parent families" I just didn't have anything left to fight if I'm honest. DD never went without, my DM and DSis have basically been her other parent, financially and support wise.
She's old enough to see it herself now, and the tide is turning, I try not to let any bitterness bleed through, because I am bitter, I'll be honest. Especially when she asked me a few years ago how much her dad pays and I had to say nothing, she was quite upset, and I don't blame her.
It's fucking soul destroying sometimes.

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