Question about claiming single parents

[Isabella26xx]

Hi I'm quite confused
Not really clues up on tax credits as I never used to claim,
Long story short I have my own property with my own mortgage and bills after a big split with my children's father three years ago - he basically told me to move out of his house with no help whatsoever.

Now, this is the confusing part, we got back together a year n a half ago BUT I live in my house still The main reason being quite a sensitive issue - basically social workers are involved plus health visitor all advised me not to move back in with him,
The relationship we have is on and off and quite turbulent , has got better however, I'm still scared to move back in with him after what happened last time (sensitive issue)
BUT we are in a relationship
As I'm trying my hardest for the kids sake

Now confusing part, my youngest (9 months old) is starting nursery this September, I get no maintenance from him as I don't expect it as we stay round his some days
But we've agreed to nursery for 9 month old
The total cost for one day a week is going to be 245 a month
Now I've been told by support worker I can claim BUT we agreed to split the cost on half so basically pay 120 each
Now, my question is can I still get the help on just MY half

I'm aware I can get tax credits that contribute to nursery fees but if so is paying half is that still applicable for my share??
Hope someone can help
Thanks so much

I think it’s ok if the nursery agrees to invoice you half the cost each.

Your tax refit claim would be a couple claim though so you would claim for a percentage of all the fees.

*tax credit

Hi,

I really think you shouldn’t be with this man :(

I completely understand forgiveness as I’m going through something similar myself (although we have only just split) but if HVs and social workers are advising you not to be with him, that must mean they consider your children at risk if they are around him.

I don’t mean to frighten you but you can lose custody of your children if you aren’t compliant with stuff like this.

I hope I’m not coming across as nasty as I know this stuff is very difficult.

@MyDcAreMarvel

That's the thing I'm so confused about. I rang the HMRC asking them n they said to claim as single because I'm in my own property with my own mortgage but said the day I'm back in his house to ring them straight away
It's so confusing as I've gone part time especially for baby so relying heavily on tax credits as wage is cut down.
I just wasn't sure about nursery fees

I think people are going to question more about why you're in a relationship social services are against you moving in together. Surely no man is worth putting your kids through hoops.

Honestly - if you don’t live with this man and the relationship is on/off then why would you claim as a couple???

Make a single claim and then make him pay you maintenance.

Op are you sure this isn’t a cry for help?

You’ve mentioned that your partner is a risk to you to the point where SS and your HV have told you not to live with him, and you mention iou are scared to live with him.

You then go on to say you aren’t trying to make it work with him despite this and your income is low because you have a baby, yet want advice on only claiming benefits based half your childcare costs. Considering you don’t live with this man surely this would be putting you much more out of pocket then claiming as a single parent (and for 100% of the childcare costs) and then getting him to pay you his half?

Are you alright?

Can you not claim childcare costs on top of you working family tax allowance?

@VanillaBeans

Hi thanks I know it's such w long story but basically the social worker has closed the case on the pretended I have my own property so if things get bad I can go back to mine
Obv beforehand I didn't have my own place prior to the split, Also didn't have the option to stay or live with family because I'm outcasted in the community (I'm basically from an Asian Muslim family who has two children out of wedlock with an Athiest English man so you can imagine how that goes down

So how I claim as single, we are trying to work through relationship atm as it's been better it wa all about control you see
But I was just wondering cos he's paying half childcare costs can I still get help?

@@Lycrasock
Thanks
Yes I'm doing that
But because he's paying half towards nursery fees can I still get help with them? Thanks

So you're not living with him whilst renting out your own house to students?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3333672-couples-that-live-and-have-children-together-questions

@VanillaBeans

Thanks I appreciate the concern I honestly wrote this just wondering about if I could claim for childcare costs? Cos I've asked hv and support worker, both said not sure
I was wondering if anyone is in a similar or even same situation as me
Hv, support worker and Sw have all said my situation is definitely quite rare

I'm trying for the kids sake but still mostly reside in my own home
I obviously still love him but things have improved as before it was al about control, him controlling and not wanting me to go back to work

Now I've got my own place it's a kind of breather as I know I can escape there if something happens
I'm just not ready to move back in with him, move all my stuff out, change all my addresses again, work an hour away from work
(My house is ten minutes from my workplace) just for him after an argument literally throwing me out with nothing!
That was the whole issue

Thanks so much it's nice how people can be caring on here xx

@Bombardier25966
I've rented my house room basis only
Basically hosting as I have all my stuff in there
I host through EPN and EF
It's a three bedroomed house
I've also declared this

But you said on the thread that you liv3d backed in the original house?

So you don’t live with him and have your own place but also you rent your house out and live with your ex?

@Thatsfuckingshit

Yes I wrote that when I came back there considering to move back permanently hence why I asked the question who pays what as that is the root of his anger is about control basically wants me dependent on him which is why I stated we have a turbulent relationship, this is why I've stayed put
not to say I won't ever move in with him in the future if I feel "safe" but because case was closed by Sw on pretense of me being in my own property (due to abuse)
I can't understand why people are pointing this out, I wonder if anyone else has been thrown out with young children before with nowhere to go????

@VanillaBeans

Not at all if u read that other post I state I rent room basis to foreign students which is hosting through EF
I'm still in my own property, I have no choice! Because of what has happened in the past (sensitive issue)

Actually op I am in a very similar situation

I left my exh after he raped me and then after he pinned me down and shaved part of my head. My hair, apparently, attracted too much attention.

I now have a small house and live alone with my kids. So let's not start the 'people are questioning me so they must have perfect lives'

I am questioning because it seems clear you are back and forth with your ex, with him paying bills when you live there. It seems that you aren't really a single person. So the advice is very different. If you are moving back and forth.

Is your SW aware you moved back?

@Thatsfuckingshit

That's awful yes Sw knows we are in a relationship and that he threw me out of his house (basically if I didn't agree to what he wanted he used to say get out of my house - he owns his own house and is VERY houseproud)
Also used it as blackmail as knew I couldn't stay with family
What I've been advised is by sw, Hv and support worker from women's support aid to stay inn my property and not to move back in as last time I tried it happened again
We have been referred to counselling from Gingerbread
It's hard because all I want is a normal stable family environment
I love being a nuclear family but feel I can't because of his problems (sensitive issue)

I don't wanna keep living like this so I'm trying my hardest I think when my dd gets to high school I will move in again and sell my house as not worth keeping cos of mortgage , my daughter's school is in the place I live now
And my partner lives just less than hour away in a different town so I've tried to set that as a target

Also think there's a misunderstanding with that post

I PAY all my own bills on MY house this includes mortgage, clcouncil tax, gas, electric, water, etc

He has his OWN house which he pays for all himself, now the problem was he wanted me to contribute to his household income! He wants me to sell house and move back in with him
Now Iv been warned by Sw that's a part of his control again tonget me dependent on him which I obv don't want to do this is why there was a case opened because of a situation that happened when i was there three years back

I'm sorry, you've completely changed your story.

The government is making it very hard for women that have escaped abusive relationships to claim benefits. In some circumstances they even have to get professional evidence that they have been raped, and that's demeaning and abhorrent. But the reason they use to justify their actions is that a small minority of women do abuse the system. Can you see how your changing story makes it more difficult for those women in desperate need?

If your ex is abusive then use this as the opportunity to get away from him and start again. If you need help in doing this then speak to Women's Aid, they'll do whatever they can to help.

If you're trying to claim benefits as a single parent whilst (in your own words) living with your partner, then please think about how your actions impact on other women that really need that help.

now the problem was he wanted me to contribute to his household income!

You were living with him. Of course you should contribute to the bills. Would you have some living in your house and not paying anything?

Not that you should go back. 10 days ago you were living there.

Stop having a relationship with him. Stop worrying about who pays what. Apply for CMS and then pay the nursery.

@Bombardier25966

I'm actually under women's aid and Relate,and Iris hence why I have a support worker in place
I do not like to go into many details but please be assured there's a lot more to the situation, I actually had to ring HMRC myself and explain it
A letter also written by my social worker to them
My daughters school is here my work is here so I couldn't just move back into his house for those reasons alone not to mention the sensitive issue why I had to get my own place I know many women are victims of dv I have been one too ! No ever claimed until I moved out
Also, because I have my own place women's aid said I didn't actually need their support and I was very lucky and privileged as most women didn't and that's one thing I've held onto is my house the only security I have sadly

@Thatsfuckingshit

Sorry what is cms
I thought it was tax credits for help with nursery fees?
I'm going to ring tomorrow as hv and support worker couldn't answer the question