Question about claiming single parents

[Isabella26xx]

Hi I'm quite confused
Not really clues up on tax credits as I never used to claim,
Long story short I have my own property with my own mortgage and bills after a big split with my children's father three years ago - he basically told me to move out of his house with no help whatsoever.

Now, this is the confusing part, we got back together a year n a half ago BUT I live in my house still The main reason being quite a sensitive issue - basically social workers are involved plus health visitor all advised me not to move back in with him,
The relationship we have is on and off and quite turbulent , has got better however, I'm still scared to move back in with him after what happened last time (sensitive issue)
BUT we are in a relationship
As I'm trying my hardest for the kids sake

Now confusing part, my youngest (9 months old) is starting nursery this September, I get no maintenance from him as I don't expect it as we stay round his some days
But we've agreed to nursery for 9 month old
The total cost for one day a week is going to be 245 a month
Now I've been told by support worker I can claim BUT we agreed to split the cost on half so basically pay 120 each
Now, my question is can I still get the help on just MY half

I'm aware I can get tax credits that contribute to nursery fees but if so is paying half is that still applicable for my share??
Hope someone can help
Thanks so much

If you have woman’s aid and a social worker you are extremely vulnerable.
Please get rid of this man - you are putting your children and yourself at risk. These services don’t get involved over minor issues. Think of yourself now and be selfish.

Cms is child maintenance. From you ex/not ex. Not sure what to call him.

@Biologifemini
They opened a case because of something sensitive that happened
Also because of family situation
I had to get sister to help me get s house on mortgage by lending me deposit, so I'm very very lucky compared to a lot of women and I am aware of this completely, I have never begged have always worked
Also have two degrees

Relate offered relationship counselling which we are going through but I'm not saying all is hunky dory far from it
Just currently working through his issues,

Relationship counselling with an abuser? Really?

www.relate.org.uk

Yes they are very good, it's private counselling so I had to pay myself from my own pocket This is for people that want to try work through issues
I was referred by support worker based on what I told her as there has been over a decade of history with him

Live separately from him. Claim tax credits just as yourself. Also childcare costs... pay the full nursery bill yourself, make sure it is registered on you tax credit claim. You will most probably get at least 70% of that back as extra tax credit payments. Ask him to pay child maintenance instead , go through CMS if you can. This gives you independence from him and more security and stability for your daughter. Money he pays you as child maintenance is not taken into account when calculating tax credits so this maximises your income and reduces his hold over you.

OP you really need to be shot of this man.

I think you might be misunderstanding the SW and HV. Surely they don’t advise to stay away from partners unless it is a risk to you and therefore the children? They take that seriously. It’s not just a case of their personal opinion being that they think he is a bad guy, it is usually a condition they put in place relating to the safety of your children. I would really look into this and make sure you are staying away from this man.

When it comes to the childcare costs, you should be getting this partner to pay you maintenance and keeping your financial distance from him. Do not move in with him. Do not tie up financially with him. Why would he not be willing to pay you maintenance and if he isn’t, then why would you consider being with someone who would not do this?

@Notveryadventurousname

I don't have anyone else my main family have outcasted me because I had children out of wedlock with him I'm close to his family and I think I see them as mine because of how bad and rejecting mine is
My mum gets abuse regularly because of this also, which I feel responsible for so have to distance myself away from family in order to protect them if that makes sense. She can only come visit/stay with me as I dare'nt go where she lives .

Sorry that was meant to go to other poster
I am still going through the counselling with him with Relate. His Behaviour has improved but I'm still scared to properly move in with him, he says if I do I should sell my house so then I can contribute to his household! But Sw and support worker said this his abusive mechanism to get me dependent on him again so I trapped

Op...

You are so blinded by him . Of course his behaviour has improved , he wants you back under his control. Abusers aren’t continually abusive they need to remind you of the person you fell for . I say this as someone who ended up in a refuge. I asked Hv in refuge if she thought my ex could change , she said he will do the minimum to get you back.

Take time to be alone claim maintenance, get your own support system, get to toddler groups, claim maintenance you can claim towards nursery fees and the maintenance is for you to decide how to spent . Him controlling this is more financial control.

If you haven’t done the freedom program do it and if you have do it again .

One of the hardest lessons I had to learn is no matter how hard I tried it wasn’t going to work as he was abusive to me.

He is an abuser. Counselling will not help. I am really shocked that relate recommended it. Rather than separate counselling.

He doesn't pay for it? He isn't really committed.

Do not move back and cut contact with him. Yes he probably does not want some control back. But you shouldn't move back because he is an abuser.

On the other hand, let say for a minute he was a bastard. You couldn't expect to move In with some one, maintain your own house and not contribute anything to a joint household.

For starters if ss have said you're not to go back to him you're actually choosing him over your kids definitely NOT doing it FOR the kids, don't kid yourself. You are putting yourself at very real risk of losing your kids and them of losing the only parent who's always been there for them and putting them into the melee that is the care system.

Do gingerbread know there was abuse? Because counselling doesn't work where there is abuse. Abusers don't change.

I've got a horrible feeling what this 'sensitive' issue might be.

If you care for your children get this man out of your life completely.

"But Sw and support worker said this his abusive mechanism to get me dependent on him again so I trapped" so why are you ignoring them?

Aside from everything else they DO have the power to TAKE YOUR CHILDREN if they feel you are incapable of protecting them - and that includes from the emotional effects of seeing you abused.

So many threads the last few days about women with children at risk, bending over backwards to stay with abusers.

You have two choices Op.

1. Try and make your relationship work with someone who is controlling and abusive. (Hard wired character traits that don't change. ) The situation ( you keep saying 'sensitive issue' - which I presume is code for sexual assault. ) is so serious, that in these times of slashed public services, you have been allocated a SW.... so about a 99% chance that this is a bad relationship for you and consequently your child to be involved in.

Option 2. Live with your daughter without any contact with this man. 100% chance of better life for both of you.

Tax credit question.

If you live in your house then claim as single , his house - then joint. Should be irrelevant as shouldn't be living with him.

If he pays half the child care fees treat this as CM which is not counted as income for tax credits and continue to claim as single.

Nuclear families are lovely. Only when all members are kind, loving and selfless. Otherwise it often turns out like a horror story. Please stop sacrificing your happiness and your child's happiness for some 'ideal' that doesn't work with an abusive partner.

You’ll end up dead or losing your children.

Cut all contact with him.

Do the freedom program.

I understand where everyone is coming from, please be aware I have support in place from The Iris team and Women's Aid.

My situation may not be as straightforward as maybe as a standard abuse relationship. Without going into too many details , I have two sides to worry about. My family/community who have in the past threatened to throw acid on my babies for me having children out of wedlock with a man who isn't the same race or religion as me. This is ongoing and very sensitive issue.

Not only do I have to deal with all that but the man I am in love with, (their father) has also abusive tendencies and issues with alcohol etc, not looking for pity or anything - I honestly love mumsnet. I used to spend hours on forums reading advice, I've only just recently plucked the courage to make my own account and ask questions myself. It's like another world with kind of 'pretend friends' which I love as the support on here has always been fab.
I've always been as honest as possibly can so please believe me when I say your advice means the world but also there is a lot of support in place for me and my girls because of the nature of past events so please don't worry,

Thank you. I have rang up today been with my HV that I can do the childcare voucher scheme from my work, she's also referred me to another service eyh