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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Child maintenance for uniforms/school trips?

50 replies

annabananna82 · 28/03/2017 15:08

Just curious

Should my child maintenance I get from my los father cover school trips and school uniform ?

I get £250 a month - he warns £35k a year so from what we've worked out it's a good amount to get?

He has her 1 night a week which suits us both so no problem there

She started school 2014 and he used to pay half for uniform and school trips but the last 6 months when I had to get new uniform and just paid for a recent school trip he's not offered

My friend said it should come from his maintenance and my other friend said it's extra?

I use £70 worth of after school club

Which I get help with as claim working tax credit but the short fall I pay, not him...he only has her when he is 'off' which is one night a week but he doesn't require club as I cover it for when I work

I pay for my los milk she also has through school

Thanks guys

OP posts:

ZilphasHatpin · 28/03/2017 15:11

Child maintenance is supposed to cover all those things.

Original poster

annabananna82 · 28/03/2017 15:12

So friend one is right

Ok thanks just guess los father was maybe not in the know in year one
I wouldn't ask him for somehow for those things I just wandered 😊

OP posts:

Angrybird123 · 28/03/2017 21:07

It's worth remembering that cms is the bare legal minimum and nowhere has anyone suggested that it covers anywhere near half the costs of raising a child so personally I have no.issue with the idea that you can ask for a contributon to bigger items.

Original poster

annabananna82 · 28/03/2017 21:25

Yeah that's true

I just didn't know to be honest but we aren't talking lots of money I was just curious x

OP posts:

jbrad290 · 21/08/2017 09:50

I feel as a father of 5 who is on the flip side I wanted to comment.

My pay over £750 per month to my ex which is £150 more than the CSA say, given I have a good job and want to provide for my children the best I can. I have them at our house every other weekend friday and sat nights (60 odd days in total per year.)
The ex still requests to see my P60 every year to make sure that if I'm suddenly earning more she can ask for more, even though she can't considering the extra I give anyway but thats getting off the subject.

"Should she be able to ask me to go half on the uniforms and school trips?" I get they can be expensive...
The last 2 years when my oldest have transitioned to secondary school so I have offered to pay towards them because I know the big cost. I also paid for all the recent school trips.
It is getting to me now because I offer and don't get so much as a thank you. All my wife and I get is grief when the ex doesn't get her way. Especially when she asks to change plans at last minute or weekends and we can't because we have made plans.
It seems she is just expecting more and more as if I owe her a life debt or something!

octobersunshine · 22/08/2017 21:33

JBrad, I'm not sure your ex should have to say thank you. You're not doing her a favour, you're paying to support your own children . And god knows, I reckon her own costs are a lot higher than yours.

fairgame84 · 22/08/2017 21:37

It's supposed to be covered by the CMS money but there is nothing to say to can't ask for extra and see what he says.

jbrad290 · 23/08/2017 08:02

With all due respect Octobersunshine but like fairgame said The maintenance money should pay for school trips etc. I choose give her more than the CSA say I should each month and have offered to pay towards the expensive uniforms. If you knew how nasty, rude and spiteful she Can be you would understand. So I don't think I thank you for offering to help over and above would go a miss. I realise that my contribution is supposed to pay for my children's well-being and to support them while they are at their mums. This I have no problem paying, it's just a bitter pill to swallow when that she is constantly and poking around my business, question questioning when I spend money and trying to find out I have had a pay rise in order to get more. It seems on the outward appearance she spends more on herself that on the children.
Now it may sound harsh but I'm sure her outgoings aren't as high as mine, her living accommodation and most bills are probably paid for by her partner, besides her finances are her problem. That's what happens when you cheat. What I give I give to make sure the kids are taken care of not support her self indulgence

justtiredofcoping · 23/08/2017 11:39

Geez Brad - you have 5 kids and pay £9000 per annum and you have them for 60/365 days of the year. YOu really are father of the year!!!

£24.74 per day you contribute - goes a long way to the costs of clothing, feeding, housing, electricity etc of 5 children NOT.

So your wife matches it £49.48 per day for 5 children is not a lot - not sure how the hell she spends more of your £25 on herself!

jbrad290 · 23/08/2017 12:45

Of course that's a typical response from someone who knows nothing about the situation.
So because the situation she's in being wholly her doing because she cheated, that gives her the right to judge every little thing I do, spend, constantly dig at and be abusive/nasty because she thinks she's the superior parent in all this does it?
I love my children and would do anything for them. I'm always buying them bits, trainers, clothes when they need them.
Trust me she feeds them constant takeaways during the week so that really isn't being a responsible parent making them overweight is it!
She even insists on sending them over in pj's and no shoes when I pick them up because she's worried I'll keep her clothes. That's how pathetic it's gotten!
You know if I stuck to the guidance of the incompetent govt and pay what they say, she'd be even worse off!
The support for the children is a 50/50 thing! So what I'm supposed to give every penny I own to her?
I had to start again from scratch and build a life because of her. I have to pay to have a house big enough for the kids to be comfortable when they come over to stay! That doesn't get given to me from the state. I pay for it. So before you judge that I'm not doing enough as a father get the facts straight yeah.

Wheressummergone · 23/08/2017 13:21

Cms is meant to cover uniforms/trips etc, you can obviously request extra.

Wow you can't really win can you?

jbrad290 has already stated that he pays over the cms recommendation & buys extra things, there are men out there that pay nothing or some ridiculous amount like £5 a week!. Maybe he should just hand his whole wages over

The cms deduction is also calculated on the basis that the NRP is financially able to provide a suitable living arrangement for when children visit/stay over (ie a big enough house for the number of bedrooms needed).

Minimusiciansmama · 24/08/2017 03:34

jbrad I think it sounds like you're trying to be very fair....
My child's father quit his job sooner than pay to support our child and then wouldn't pay the £2.50 a week CSA required of him.....

Jbrad2900 · 24/08/2017 14:07

Thank you wherrssummergone and minimusicianmama.
I wish she could see that! who'd have thought someone you had children with could turn into such a money grabbing, nasty gluttonous excuse for a human being. Oh well. I'm hoping my children one day see and know the truth for them to make up their own minds.
I hope minimusicianmama your child's father gets his comeuppance. Not paying to support the children you had together! That's low!

UnicornsRock · 25/08/2017 10:11

Jbrad - i'm glad to see that some men appreciate that the CM is just the legal minimum. My partner seems to think that because he has paid CM that he "has done his bit'' and that is all that is required. I do think that CM encourages some men to think that is all that they need / should pay when in practice it is woefully short of the actual amount needed.

Also sorry to hear that your ex cheated on you. And sorry that you've had a bit of a bashing on this thread.

Bibidy · 25/08/2017 11:48

JBrad, I'm not sure your ex should have to say thank you. You're not doing her a favour, you're paying to support your own children . And god knows, I reckon her own costs are a lot higher than yours.

Actually I very much doubt that's true, since JBrad is paying to maintain 2 households. Fair enough the children's mother pays most of their day-to-day expenses as they live with her, but JBrad's money goes a long way to help with that, plus he has to pay for the home he lives in (that his children stay in with him), and he obviously covers all expenses for the time they're with him.

Jbrad2900 · 25/08/2017 12:17

Thank you for the supportive comments. It is tough and a very controversial subject which will have views on both sides.
I know the ex has her rant and rave to all her friends and family about how little I apparently do.
I can honestly say I can look in the mirror and know I'm doing all I can for the kids. Hope one day the children know that.. I'm certainly not going to bad mouth the mum but I won't lie or sugar coat it should they ever ask.
I'm blessed with a good job to be able to pay what I do and provide a good home when they live with me as well.
I also have a brilliant wife who loves her step children and goes that extra mile for them even though they're not hers. To top that she has put up with a huge amount of sh** from the ex in the past, all of which was unnecessary and quite frankly pure jealousy on the ex's behalf.
Just wouldn't mind the ex growing up a bit and making everyone's life that little bit easier and stop being such a money grabber and nasty jealous person.
You only get one life so why try and make it so hard on yourself and everyone else. The only ones that will get hurt are the children.

pinkunicornsarefluffy · 25/08/2017 21:13

XH pays £27 a week. There's no way that covers everything basic let alone extras. In a couple of years I'm dreading the year 6 residential, secondary school uniform , then later on driving lessons etc.

Ive had to work full time to support us which I never wanted to do while I had a young child.

Jbrad2900 · 30/08/2017 06:35

Get this... she's asking for more money now! Saying oh the kids uniforms cost more than expected and can I pay more! Hold on my son had to pay for a trip a few months back that cost £280 and because she apparently couldn't afford her half I paid the lot. Now she wants more for the rest of the uniforms. I'm not begrudging my children but if we are talking half the cost of trips and uniforms I've paid more than my half. But she feels it's my duty to pay more towards the uniforms. I'm sorry but she is just taking the ....

Jbrad2900 · 30/08/2017 08:00

I probably should point out to her that on top of CM I pay her £40 each month for after school activities which she chops and changes. There's no clubs in Aug so that money should go towards the uniforms and not her next costa and danish!

ddrmum · 30/08/2017 10:42

My DC dad refuses to pay any maintenance at all but thinks has dad of the year .When challenged by csa he dropped his hours to a bare minimum & has also gone self employed - all to avoid paying for his children. I applaud the (majority) dad's who actually put their kids needs first.

madmolly123 · 03/09/2017 05:51

jbrad; interesting to read from a fathers perspective. It is a shame that other men cant seem to look beyond their hatred for their ex's and instead focus on the well being of their children. I think the comment of not a 'thanks' has upset people in as much as you are implying your ex should be grateful. Personally, I dont think she should be 'grateful' per se but more polite and courteous maybe? However that as it may be, that detracts from the fact, that you do appear to put your childrens welfare first, and realise that children do cost money, and as such you provide for your children, that alone needs commending, as you are one of the very few.

madmolly123 · 03/09/2017 06:09

There is even a page on a social website dedicated to child maintenance and its main theme is to advise 'dads' on how not to pay; This is a comment on the first post this morning; 'Self employed 12yrs and done properly cms cant do a thing, proud to say my ex never got a single penny from me, even prouder that I pissed the csa about so much they closed the case.' That sums up why so many mums are bitter.

ButtMuncher · 03/09/2017 06:24

My DP pays over the amount - but we do offer to put money toward school shoes and uniform - my DSS has bad eczema so needs fresh clothes each day and it would get incredibly expensive for his Mum to pay out 5x.

Phillipa12 · 03/09/2017 06:41

Maintenance is the legal minimum that the nrp has to pay, so technically no they dont have to pay anymore. We all know that for most resident parents this does not cover everything esp school uniform and trips, so yes it would be lovely if these expenses were split 50/50 and some fathers do pay like jbrad and my exh, but unfortunately most fathers will not stump up for this extra cost.

Lobsterquadrille2 · 03/09/2017 11:23

Well I wish that my ex H was like jbrad. He's never paid a penny and not set foot in this country for 15 years, lest I managed somehow to claim anything.

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