Ex lying about me stopping him seeing children

[NAR4]

Ex will barely speak to me, let alone have a civil discussion about the children. He has been accusing me of stopping him from seeing the children (I have always told him he can have free access) and this morning he send a text saying "I assume you being out and refusing to respond to me, means you are now stopping all my contact with the children" wtf! I had been in all morning when he sent the message, no previous messages received and he was due to have the children tomorrow, not today, anyway.

He keeps cancelling the Mediation appointments, last one we actually had was end of Nov/beginning Dec (can't remember exact date). His solicitor fails to respond to any correspondence from my solicitor and he ignores my requests (and solicitor letter) asking when he would like the children during the Easter holidays (next week is the last week of pre-school), following his request to have the children for a week then.

Where do I go from here? Do I just sit back and completely ignore the whole ridiculous situation until he grows up enough to make arrangements? The first part of our divorce has now been done and he was still using the joint account (which he refuses to close) until the bank froze it, when I told them they didn't have his address. He also refuses to discuss what will happen with the house (I am currently living in it with the children) or savings (frozen at moment) or pensions. My solicitor wrote to his asking about what arrangements he proposes for these things and it was just ignored. Argggh!

I would write back stating 'I am expecting you tomorrow as previously arranged for contact'.
Make sure all your arrangements are in writing, keep screen shots of texts.

My solicitor said a text message isn't proof of telling him anything, unless he responds in some way, acknowledging receipt of it (which he never does).

I've chosen to ignore the text from him, since I paid a lot of money for my solicitor to write to his, detailing all the arrangements for having the children, because he refused to talk about it. Figured at least with a solicitor writing to his, it would be proof in court of what access I was offering, if nothing else.

Just ignore him. Can you email instead adding a read receipt to the mail?

Thanks, that has been suggested to me before. He won't open any emails from me though.

If he won't open your emails then that's his problem. You can prove you have sent them.

I would not chase him at all tbh. He's just arsing about. And keep all contact through your solicitor.

it may not be 'proof', but as you have texted him and he has texted you back from the same number, I think the mediators (if you ever get there!) would be hard pressed to consider he'd proved his point!

All contact through solicitors is costing a fortune. Over a thousand pounds so far, for them to be ignored anyway.

I had this. Socially they get a hard time being a deadbeat Dad so lie and blame you so they don't get a hard time and people hate you, so all good for them. I take it he is abusive as that is the sort who plays this game. If he is abusive your dc are best he staY's away let him blame you and get on with your life. He won't pay child maintenance or will go self employed to pay very lityle next so don't expect any.

He was verbally and emotionally abusive, which is why I split from him. He is clearly playing a control game, from the things he has been doing since leaving and as you say has painted me blacker than black, to everyone, even trying to convince my own parents (bloody nerve). He does have the children one day a week, every weekend, but says I am stopping him from having any other contact. More like he can't be bothered. I would prefer he had no contact at all to be honest. His family and him bad mouth me to my children, when they are with him and he allows me no contact with my 16 year old who lives with him. He even changed my ds phone and school and refuses to tell me where they live.

"he allows me no contact with my 16 year old who lives with him. He even changed my ds phone and school and refuses to tell me where they live"

Is your solicitor tackling this?

yes, agree with JoanHickson. I had it too.

Being a deadbeat down is frowned upon socially. I had a bit of this as well. I wrote to his parents early on to say Hr Gulerod was welcome to see the children whenever he came to see them, that a handover would be facilitated by a member of my family. He wanted me to take them to the UK. Fly us all over there. Wait around under a bridge then fly us all home. And if I didn't do that I was 'preventing him from seeing them'. So at least when I told his parents that any member of their family was welcome at any time (but that I wouldn't be around myself) that took the wind out of their sails. My x was verbally abusive, financially abusive, emotionally abusive.................

When we were in court over maintenance, his solicitor brought up the matter of access, like a threat, cave in and accept less or we'll take you to court for formalised access too. But I said in full hearing of the judge that I hoped hr gulerod wouldn't spend money taking me to court over access because 'as I've told him and his parents before, they're all welcome to come and visit any time, it would be good for the children to see more of him''.

No, she has requested contact via his solicitor several times but gets no response. Nobody seems interested because I have been told my 16 year old is old enough to make his own mind up. My ex even blatantly said at Mediation that I should of thought of that before I decided to split up and it served me right. My ex obviously spins a good story because my sons school refused to tell me anything, even what subjects he was studying (I know it's illegal for them to do this). When my solicitor wrote to the school, my ex took my son out. He is in lower 6th (or should be). I don't even know if he is at school now or not.

oh no, that's terrible NAR4

The school must be stupid. Can you make an appt to speak to the principal. You are not requesting information about your son, or requesting to see him. Just a meeting to present yourself and let them draw their own conclusions.

My solicitor has had a letter from ex's threatening to take me to court for access every weekend from Friday through to Sunday evening every week and various holiday demands. He has a 15 year old who lives with me also, who he refuses to have any contact with. Apparently my older son should also of thought of that before "choosing" to live with me.

Fine, let him take you to court on that basis. It will be noted he has not facilitated mediation and something that's best for the kids will be agreed.

My 16 year old has had no contact with anyone who has anything to do with me, since my ex and me split in August. That includes his own brother, grandparents (as in my parents), Aunt, Uncle, cousins. Likewise ex's family have all had no contact with my 15 year old. Their choice, not through lack of me texting them (and being ignored) that they can see him whenever they want. They also have his mobile number, but have never contacted him.

Your son will come back to you. Your x will try to control your son before too long. He won't be able to treat your son with respect.

I know a woman whose teenage son was hoovered up by her abusive x. For a long time he hated his mother for leaving. Then she went away on holiday and with the boy's mother away, and her not there to call on, the father did the silent treatment on his own 18 year old son. Punishing him for some crime, he didn't speak to his son for about a week. when his mum got back from her holiday her son was waiting to move back in. Horrible for him but then he respected her decision to leave.

How did I guess we are dealing with an abuser here. Concentrate on the dc at home now boost them up. Write to the dc with your ex every week and put the letter aside to give when he gets back in touch. Keep legal letters and other evidence to prove you tried to stay in his life.

Would be nice Kaffe but my ex has the backing of his extended family also telling my son a pack of lies about me and my son has no contact with anyone to tell him otherwise.

No point in bothering with the school now. He doesn't go to school there anymore anyway, so it would be wasting my time and energy chasing shadows.

That's a good idea Joan, thankyou.

He will miss you all eventually.

I have this too, he's also abusive (verbally and emotionally too). Ds didn't want to see him after he shouted and swore in ds's face. I backed ds up and his father stopped paying maintenance. It used to go into ds's bank account so ds asked where it was, and he didn't speak to or contact ds for 6 months after until ds apologised . I took him to court but he's still refusing to pay the 2k arrears he owes. It's a power game to him and he lies to make himself feel better about his shitty behaviour. It's easier for him to blame someone else then to look at the damage he's made and make amends, I'm sure it's the same for your ex too.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. One day your eldest will see through his lies, I'm certain of it.

He will.

Is he on facebook? even just the odd message to say 'always a place for you here. we miss you.'

Or could a friend get that message to him?

So shit for you. YOu have my sympathies.

Wow, not speaking to your own child for six months until they apologised to you! that is classic narcissism.

ps, good idea to focus on your dc at home. ONE day he will see the contrasat. A happy family unit where people's ideas are supported and different opinions are allowed, compared with pandering to his father's narcissistic self-delusions.