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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Sooooo bloody tired......am I doing enough though?!

28 replies

Blakey3166 · 14/01/2015 20:38

Hi all,

Sooooo , I'm so tired , so bloody tired!
I m up at 5.30-6am every morn, I shower/dry hair etc whilst simultaneously getting ds(7) up breakfast dressed etc.whilst loading a wash, other minor household chores.we leave at 7.45 for breakfast club, then I race to my job.
I'm in policing so am then on feet for around 9hrs- and then do it all in reverse.
Tea, showers, homework, paperwork, hoovering etc.
Tonight I thought, I'll cram in some ironing too before bed, but ........ I've just put ds to bed and I'm bloody bloody knackered and just want to sit down an watch tv for half hr before my eyes close. I'm so dog tired. I don't know whether it's me, should I be forcing myself more, is there something wrong with me to be worn out by 8.30(eeeeek am I old?) or am I doing enough an should cut myself some slack..... Id love to get your advice?!?!

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Starlightbright1 · 14/01/2015 21:01

It is really tough doing it on your own..Does your DS do anything to help.

My ds (7) does a bit takes out recycling, feeds guinea pig , he put washing in washer this am and then took laundry basket back upstairs... These are only little jobs but they do help

Original poster

Blakey3166 · 14/01/2015 21:11

Starlight,

No he doesn't. I feel at 7 he's a little young. Also my mum left when I was 7 an I had to turn into housewife an mum overnight so am trying to prolong his youth for as long as I can! I know bringing some washing down won't kill that but surely I should be capable ?!?!

OP posts:

BelleCurve · 14/01/2015 21:24

Can you cut down on the chores, sleep a little later? DS could have breakfast at the breakfast club and if he goes to afterschool club, maybe could so some homework there.

Can you afford any help with cleaning?

Starlightbright1 · 14/01/2015 22:07

I can see how your mum leaving at 7 would influence the way we parents. We all are influenced by our past.. However there is a difference between been a house wife and as you say brining a bit of washing downstairs..

I don't ever ask my DS to do anything while I am sat down. I consider we have more time together if he helps me.

I tell him we are a team.... We might have a tidy up with loud music on...

I also think raising a boy I want him to be able to look after himself.

As for you..Read it back how much you do all day ..It isn't just physical energy it is also the mental energy. I haven't moved for 2 hours. I do need to soon..so I can go to bed

MyFabulousBoys · 14/01/2015 22:27

Sounds like you are doing brilliantly. Life is tiring when you have a helpful partner. Exhausting when it is just you.

Are you eating/drinking enough? Any chance you are run down/anaemic/low ferritin? Do you have heavy periods? Just bear those in mind as well. I sometimes find I am eating crap (grazing) and when I actually eat a proper balanced meal I feel so much better.

carlywurly · 14/01/2015 22:32

Do you need to be up that early? I get up at 645 to be out by 745 and wash my hair every morning and have a cooked breakfast. I get absolutely everything else ready the night before. School bags packed and by door, uniforms laid out, lunches packed etc. the dcs get themselves up and dressed, bowl of cereal at home and toast at breakfast club.

I'm still shattered every evening but if I were up an hour earlier as well, I couldn't function. It is tough working and parenting on your own - it's definitely not a case of you needing to do more!

Original poster

Blakey3166 · 15/01/2015 06:36

Thanks for your replies ladies, some good points raised.
I do have everything ready the night before, I'm very organised. I tend to "batch iron" at weekend.
Along with a deep clean of house an shopping etc.
At present I cannot afford a cleaner:-( I guess in essence it just seems the days are like being on a hamster wheel. I just do little bits each day to keep the house ticking.its just no let up in week.
Now I look at it this morning with fresh eyes too, I think it's probably a lot to do with winter too , when it's lighter in evenings quite often we will play in garden too for a while(although the garden then needs tidying too argh!) so my guess is that winter is my hibernation period, less fun to be had outdoors so it's all the monotonous jobs! Do any of you have the same, you raised some good points but I don't know if just me feels that tired at 8.30-9pm? Or maybe it's just there's no one to talk to any longer or share stuff with so my brain switches off by then?

OP posts:

meglet · 15/01/2015 07:38

I have never deep cleaned my house or ironed. I cleaned my bathroom last month and I'll do it this month.

you are doing a hell of a lot. I bet you could cut back a bit.

BoozeyTuesday · 15/01/2015 07:47

Are two showers a day each necessary? Is ironing necessary? I'm an lp and can spend 60 hrs a week out of the house. During the week I tend to just do little jobs that keep the house ticking over. Stuff like hoovering/mass clean/washing gets left till the weekend. I spend a little more on multiple sets of uniforms etc so I don't have to worry about ds running short during the week.

BoozeyTuesday · 15/01/2015 07:51

Also yes ds at 8 helps. Things like helping me put away an online shop, cleaning the toilet a bit after he's pooed (tmi I know but it does make a difference!), putting his dirty washing in the linen bin, taking his dirty pots in the kitchen, emptying his lunch box/any meal left overs into the bin. Just little things but they do help a lot.

Woodenheart · 15/01/2015 07:55

Can you shop online, I do it whilst sat in bed one evening a week,
I use Asda, & pay £1 delivery.

It takes me 10 mins at the most.
I have a toddler, so hitting the supermarket on my day off is out of the question,

BelleCurve · 15/01/2015 07:56

Online shopping can free some of weekend. But, yes I often go to bed just after DS at 9pm , then read or MN for a bit. Tired is natural when you are LP I think. If winter is getting you down, maybe you have SAD?

antimatter · 15/01/2015 08:00

Go to your GP to test for anemia and other deficiencies.
Cut down on ironing and cleaning.

Starlightbright1 · 15/01/2015 09:59

Another point ..It is recommended all adults and children take vit D in the winter. IT might be worth taking a multi vit to help.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 15/01/2015 10:04

I am a SAHM mum to a 14 month old (and 15 weeks pregnant) and am exhausted by 8pm! All I manage to do after DD goes to bed is eat dinner (DH cooks) and clean the kitchen. You are doing great and being far too hard on yourself. I think you need to drop your standards a bit re housework, just for a while so you can get back on track. Agree re vitamin D and iron too. I'm prone to low iron and taking a supplement makes a massive difference. And try and get as much daylight as possible.

Guyropes · 15/01/2015 10:07

You have a really long day. If you don't have the time/ energy to relax / have fun with your ds, something has to give. Can you drop your hours to give yourself 1 day a week to catch up?
I love having the chores done and dinner all organised during my day off, picking up the kids at 3, and then spending time with them.

Original poster

Blakey3166 · 15/01/2015 10:30

Lol boozey, no if I've showered in morning I won't do again that night! 1 a day me and 1 every 2 days ds!
Ds is doing the little things like putting washing into laundry bin etc .
The online shop I would do at night if my eyes were not so tired! By 8.30 when I could do it, I can no longer concentrate !
I'll look into the vit d, I think it def could be lack of sunlight, although I am on patrol day in an out so if there is sun I get a little.
I guess the answer is a bit of vit d and easing up on ones self is key until the better weather comes anyhow!

OP posts:

fedupbutfine · 15/01/2015 19:41

it may go against everything you believe in but I found dropping my standards - living with a layer of dust, only hoovering when it really needs doing, only washing bedding once a month, using the tumble dryer for everyday clothes to avoid having to iron - helped enormously with freeing up my evenings. Getting a dishwasher helped, as did installing a ridiculously expensive power shower I'm out of in less time than it takes me to run a bath! My life is very routine-driven (which I hate but I hate it more when we're not ready to leave the house at 7:30am). Slow cookers allow a hot meal to be prepared the night before and left cooking all day - and if you have a big enough one, will give you a couple more meals for the freezer. Accepting that sometimes cheese on toast or sausage rolls with some chopped tomato and cucumber is OK to give your children in the evening also helps if you're someone who believes in giving a 'proper' meal with all the hassle that entails. A takeaway on a weekend won't hurt either!

cauliflowerfairy · 15/01/2015 20:04

I think you are AMAZING.I don't do half that, don't work and I am HALF DEad I am so tired, nothing of note to add but kudos to you girl!

Original poster

Blakey3166 · 16/01/2015 06:36

Thanks cauliflower fairy! X

OP posts:

lavendersun · 16/01/2015 06:57

I think you are pretty amazing too OP. It sounds like a long and busy day.

I have a DH who works away for weeks (sometimes months in the past - 10 months was the longest) and I feel knackered too.

I gave up work recently to study and have the luxury of studying from home two days a week which is amazing.

On the days I go in I get up at 5:30 and get home at 6:00. On the nights when we don't do anything I am often in bed by 8:30 and I am not doing it every day.

I think you are right, winter is the hardest for tiredness.

Can you let your housework slip a bit? Do nothing at all during the week apart from maybe the odd load of washing in the machine and cleaning up after dinner.

Can you afford to do a few less hours - even half a day a week would make a massive difference to you.

lavendersun · 16/01/2015 06:59

Also, maybe someone has already said this - I often cook twice as much as I need and freeze half. Makes a difference in the evenings as I don't always have to cook.

nooyearnooname · 16/01/2015 07:07

I don't have any DCs, get up at 6.30, go to work for 8.15 (sitty downy not hugely stressful job), come home cook tea for me and DP, do a bit of washing etc and I'm bloody knackered by 8.30 / 9ish too! I think it's just the grind of a working week, and as you say the dark mornings / evenings don't help.

So to me it sounds like you are doing a sterling job, give yourself a break! One thing I do find helps with the feeling of general blurgh though is outdoor time, even if it's cold and windy at weekends we try and go for a long walk or a bike ride, it makes me feel like I'm actually breathing properly which I don't feel I do during the week.

Also I only ever hoover, do 'proper' cleaning at the weekends in one burst Sat / Sun morning. The only thing that gets done in the week is a bit of washing, quick once over the kitchen with a dustpan and brush if it needs it, and keeping on top of the dishes. I couldn't cope with any more after a day at work, is there anything you could stop doing of an evening and just leave it til the weekend?

katsnmouse · 16/01/2015 08:03

Im a mum of one 14 mo, and in full time work .I'm not a LP but DP is of the old school house work is 'womens work' brigade. He is also a dairy farmer so out of the house at all hours.He doesn't do anything around the house except load the dishwasher! But at least I can shout at him/make him feel guilty. My Mum was a lp of 3 under 15 after my dad passed away, I can see that it must be really hard on you . You are doing amazing- i think you need to realise the reason you are tired is because you are doing so much. Cut yourself some slack, do you actually get any time to do something just for you? If you don't, that could be contributing to your tiredness. I know what it feels like to be doing the same things, on the 'hamster wheel' of never ending chores, sometimes you do have to say 'sod it' i'm going to have a sit down' :)

Sundayplease · 16/01/2015 08:40

I think what you describe is completely normal. I work with people in their 20s with no children who go to bed at 9.30 on a school night absolutely shattered.

I just function during the week like you do and prefer to get up early to get everything done. That means in the evenings I am like a zombie and sometimes can barely move.

Chores can wait till the weekend/holidays but I definitely don't do the deep cleaning whatever that is. And I cut corners on a lot of things eg like a previous poster said about sheets - as I am on my own they don't get so grubby or sweaty (!) so they can last another week.

I get the dc to do a few things eg put plates in dishwasher, put clothes in the wash but by the time I have used the energy nagging them and making sure they have done it right, I don't find it helps at all. I just do it to make a point about helping each other.

I think you probably have high standards on the housework. Give yourself a break!

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