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Original poster

How often does your ex ask about welfare of child?

38 replies

Steelojames · 06/05/2014 14:40

My ex claims he cares about our child...but I know different & I'm fed up of hearing his nonsense!
However days or weeks go by and I don't ever hear him ask about our DS, he is more concerned about me and who I am seeing. It's pathetic!!
Im just curious for those who are not together, (& who have young children) does your ex text or call every day to ask about how the child's day has been or if any new developments?
Surely they should at least every other day?!!!
I'm more just curious as to how it works for others.....thanks.

OP posts:
captainproton · 06/05/2014 14:44

Well my DH and his ex only really communicate about holidays and when he/she need to swap weekends or something.

DH speaks with DSS about twice a week, and they text each other about football or other sports stuff. DH is also in contact with the school, and gets copies of reports and goes to concerts and parents evening.

It's been that way since DH split with his ex when DSS was 7.

How old is your DS?

ruddynorah · 06/05/2014 14:47

Mine sees the dc at least three times a week and will text if he doesn't see them for three days in a row. He'll also text for specifics eg school shows, swimming lesson progress etc as these things occur.

LadySybilLikesCake · 06/05/2014 14:48

Ds is 15 and the last time he called to say 'hello' to him ds was 6. Prior to this it was twice a year on ds's birthday or Christmas Day. It stopped when he got married. I'd expect him to call or mail every couple of weeks but some things don't register. You can't force them to care.

ConfusedDotty · 06/05/2014 14:48

Never, not even a call for xmas/birthday.

Original poster
Steelojames · 06/05/2014 14:52

My DS Is 9 months old. So the teething, crawling, all the key stages he hasn't asked about any of it!
If the child cannot make contact themselves just was curious as to how often some of your exes check in.
He says he wants to see him but I dnt understand how he claims that when he never takes the time out to ask about him or even if anything is needed.
It's just disgusting! I dnt even bother.
Sounds like your DH is one of the good ones captainproton!

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Original poster
Steelojames · 06/05/2014 14:54

I'm in shock!

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LadySybilLikesCake · 06/05/2014 15:01

Ds is old enough to make contact but he's dyspraxic though so has no concept of time. I make sure he replies to his father's emails, but it can take a while, and most of the time his father doesn't reply to Ds so the 'conversation' stops after one or two emails. His father never asks (me or ds) how he is or how things are going at school. He doesn't know who his friends are, what he's studying or what he hopes to do after he leaves school. I also don't think he knows that Ds is dyspraxic as I didn't get a reply to the email. He's never asked if there's anything that Ds needs, as well as my post above.

Original poster
Steelojames · 06/05/2014 15:06

I'm sorry to hear that LadySybilLikesCake.
I think when you said "you can't force them to care" it really sums it up!

OP posts:
passmethewineplease · 06/05/2014 15:10

Never, he can go weeks without seeing her and I don't get so much as Hi how is she?

Makes my blood boil. He needs to buck his ideas up.

LadySybilLikesCake · 06/05/2014 15:12

See how things go. As long as he contacts your child on a regular basis, things should be OK. An inconsistent parent is worse than no parent, if you know what I mean.

NickiFury · 06/05/2014 15:14

Every day.

passmethewineplease · 06/05/2014 15:14

Never, he can go weeks without seeing her and I don't get so much as Hi how is she?

Makes my blood boil. He needs to buck his ideas up.

IneedAwittierNickname · 06/05/2014 16:19

He sees them most weeks (every Sunday, then they sleepover every other Sat)
He never asks about them between those days,.and if he cancels he won't speak to them just send me a text!
When he takes them away in the summer I phone every other day to speak to them which pisses him off because he thinks I do it to check up on him, and that I don't trust him when in fact its because I miss them and like to know how they are. I do the same if my mum hasthem overnight.

Foxy800 · 06/05/2014 16:31

My ex very rarely rings up to ask how she is and when he rings about something else he doesnt ask after her either.x

FreeSpirit89 · 06/05/2014 17:28

My ex saw our child the last time 23rd December 2013.

I notified him our son was admitted to hospital for a procedure to empty his almost burst bowel, and he said "he'd see what he can do" shock horror was a no show.

At that point I gave up and haven't tried to maintain his relationship with him.

Lioninthesun · 06/05/2014 17:35

Never. He hasn't asked about her since she was 6mo and even then it was more me pushing info on him and his family with the occasional bout of interest. He turned up on my doorstep saying he had liver failure and me perusing him for maintenance via CSA was making him drink and thus I was going to be responsible for him possibly dying. He didn't even ask about DD when he had travelled by train (uninvited) to harangue me on my own doorstep and she was napping upstairs!

Original poster
Steelojames · 06/05/2014 18:10

Some really sad cases here....
Passmethewineplease, confused dotty, foxy800, freespirit89, lion in the sun & others in our shoes, we are all doing a great job singlehandley!
Those in better situations, ineedawittiernickname, nickifury,ruddynorah it's refreshing to see some good men are out there! & refreshing to know!!

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Ihavemyownname · 06/05/2014 18:13

Never last time he actually asked about him was his birthday in November and only because he was trying to look like devoted dad to his ex girlfriend.

Contact in March and ask to see him which when he makes contact us what he always ask but never how is he Angry asked how I was and what was happening with me etc.
only made contact because of stuff happened with ex girlfriend and he thought he'd get so kind of nice from me it didn't happen!
Contact here between ds and his "dad" is complicated and his not aloud to see ds nothing to do with me and is down to him and still not done anything about it just keeps making it worse for himself.
He actually has no interest in ds his action say it all. He paints me to be evil contact stopped keeping him from "his son" who he loves so much but has never helped provide for because he won't take responsibility of the fact that it's him and his issues that are doing it

IneedAwittierNickname · 06/05/2014 18:20

Steelo I'm not sure I'd go so far as to say 'good' (but that's because I know the 'full story') he's just better than some I guess!

Original poster
Steelojames · 06/05/2014 18:29

Sorry Ineedawittiernickname just read your full post and yeah you are right!
For you yes "better than some" but still not ideal as rarely calls inbetween and texts instead when cancels.
When will they learn? It makes me angry when I think about it so I try not too!

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Original poster
Steelojames · 06/05/2014 18:32

When my boy is away for an hour even I call my mum or sister who tend to watch him to ask how he is etc....so you make a good point there too I needawittiernickname.
I don't understand how some fathers/parents can go days/weeks/months or even years without any contact.

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IneedAwittierNickname · 06/05/2014 18:32

I used to get really angry about it, but now I tell myself that at least my children see him, and at least he pays (even if its only £5 per week and only because the CSA made him)
That's more than a lot of people can say so I guess my dc are lucky ish!

And I got fwd up with wasting mntal energy on that loser!

LadySybilLikesCake · 06/05/2014 18:32

I'm evil too, Ihavemyownname, because I won't allow Ds to fly over and spend the week with someone who isn't bothered to take the time to get to know him. Ds see's the bloke at the supermarket checkout more, should I spend Ds to spend the week with him instead? I've never said that Ds can't go, that's the thing, just that his father needs to spend time emailing and calling him first so that they can get to know each other, they are strangers at the moment. It never happens though and I'm always the 'bad one'. He hasn't seen ds for 4 years. His father was hungover (this is usual), saw him for a couple of hours and shouted and swore in ds's face in the middle of the city centre. Half an hour before I sat and told him that ds gets very upset when he's shouted at. His father came over to see his family and friends a year and a half later and ds decided not to see him as he hadn't apologised for shouting at him. My 'punishment' for this (as it was my fault Hmm) was for him to stop paying maintenance, meaning I couldn't get ds to school. We ended up moving closer to school to save but I've lost my support network and my friends, as has ds. I took him to court for the maintenance but it took over a year, but we can't move back now Sad

Pinkballoon · 06/05/2014 21:45

Never.

MeMyselfAnd1 · 06/05/2014 22:48

NEVER. He doesn't give a sh*t unless he is trying to convince his mum that he is actually a good parent and not the one who abandoned his child some years ago.