How often does your ex ask about welfare of child?

[Steelojames]

My ex claims he cares about our child...but I know different & I'm fed up of hearing his nonsense!
However days or weeks go by and I don't ever hear him ask about our DS, he is more concerned about me and who I am seeing. It's pathetic!!
Im just curious for those who are not together, (& who have young children) does your ex text or call every day to ask about how the child's day has been or if any new developments?
Surely they should at least every other day?!!!
I'm more just curious as to how it works for others.....thanks.

Ex goes through phases when he phones, texts and emails obsessively about dd's welfare, leading up to him making a report to Social Services. Seven reports to date, not counting his trips to the police station. All investigated, no substance to any of them.

Be careful what you wish for. For my sake, I'd love ex to disappear into the woodwork. But I acknowledge how painful it is for dcs to feel abandoned, and I can't quite wish that on my dd.

actually never

They cope better with an absent parent (one who's never there and never contacts them) then they do with one who's there one minute, not the next, biblo. There's loads of research about the effects of inconsistent absent parents too which supports this. A child who never sees their absent parent isn't left dangling. This makes them more secure and happier. A child who has inconsistent contact with an absent parent can feel as though they have done something wrong to make the parent not want to see them and it can cause issues with self esteem and feelings of security.

totally agree ladysybil i wish my exh would just fuck off for good instead of appearing every couple of years and not bothering in the meantime.

Never. He refuses to acknowldge that DS exists. Our circumstances are pretty unusual but he has another son who he is fully involved with so it does sting.

If he was involved, i'd expect him to be in touch every few days or at least once a week even just by text to see how things are, especially with key stagea happening.

My son starts school after summer and has never met his dad .

I think a non existent father is better than a inconsistent one. At least you don't have to fix things with your child when they don't turn up or don't call them after a few weeks etc... When they're not in the picture at least they know where they stand.

I take the point - but it's not the principle on which the courts operate (most of the time). Maybe it should be...

The courts should operate in whatever is in the child's best interests. I doubt they will support contact with an inconsistent absent parent when they are given the evidence to say that it's damaging to the child.

My ex moved abroad when ds was 3. He didn't see him for 3 years after he moved. Following this it was for an hour or two every year and a half. He took ds to the cinema once and was so hungover he fell asleep. He hasn't spent more than a couple of hours with ds for 9 years and rarely contacts him so he's the ultimate in inconsistent parenting. In the mean time, I'm left making ds feel wanted and secure. He's had problems where he doesn't feel wanted, where he feels like I don't want him around. It's taken me so long to get him to the point where he's secure again. He's 15 now and doesn't give a hoot about his father, there's no relationship there. Every now and again his father will send him a facebook message (by this I mean once or twice a year) and a card with some cash in it for ds's birthday (nothing for the past two Christmases though). The only person I'm bothered about is ds.

DSS is 14 and lives with me and his father. His mum hasn't seen him since Feb half term. Didn't bother to ring on his birthday in March or send a card. He has ongoing chronic health problems. Never calls to see how his hospital appointments have gone. Doesn't pay a penny in maintenance either. Expects DH to drive DSS to her so she can see him ( over 100 miles each way). I could go on. It's not always the dads that are poor parents.

Have you been to the CSA, posh? Poor lad I don't get parents like this. It doesn't take a lot to pick up the phone.

When I split with ex I found he was texting all the time as a way to try and communicate with me and keep tabs (manipulative and controlling). I told him to be reassured DS was fine and I would let him know if DS was ill/ anything remarkable or amusing had happened and it settled down.

I felt happy that I could keep him up to date and in the loop without daily or even every other day texts. As your DC is a baby does he have short frequent time with him?

I completely agree that one absent parent is better than one who comes and goes. It is frustrating however, even with that knowledge. You just want them to want to know how they are or find their milestones interesting. Some men are simply too selfish to care at all about their own children, which is hard to deal with

every couple of days there is some kind of contact between dcs and ex or ex and I re dcs. only 6 months in but trying to keep it as close as u can to shared parenting when don't live together. its about a 70/30 split my way.

I forward school newsletters and school trip stuff etc. he helps out on these if he can still.