single mothers are really treated unfairly

[khotney]

Hie everyone

I'm 13 weeks pregnant and I'm thinking I will be alone forever with this baby. The father didn't even give me the benefit of the doubt he jus denied the pregnancy moved from his apartment and blocked my calls. I think women left alone to raise kids are really treated unfair there should be a law against this, any man who inserts his penis in a woman without protection and later denies the child should be thrown in prison untill after nine months and a DNA is done. Then he is forced to child support without any effort of looking for him. The reason why I think these man who deny their children should be thrown in jail is because for those nine months the women cnt have fun like him she is depressed and alone so instead of him going out there and continuing to have sex he should be locked up and feel depressed in there as well like the pregnant woman and not ruin more girls lives. I really think if that low gets in place we will have less man denying pregnancy right now they deny coz they have no consequences to face some of them get away scott free and continue to do it because they think they are clever. This is not fair really why should the women alone suffer when it takes two to make a baby

sorry for your situation Khotney, better to be a single mum from the start than for your child to have to deal with a split later.

Burberry Queen I'm so hurt I don't know how I will make it how could one human being be so heartless. I am afraid of men now terrified of pregnancy but I see many ladies do it. And you are right better now than later hey

amen op! surprised the fnf 'dads deserve everything 50:50' brigade hasnt put their biased stamp on this thread yet

what an utter fuckwit, quick to get his lipstick out but when its time to be a man, no can do. you and dc deserve better, much better.

Another bloody interview on the poor fathers on this morning in a second.

Never interview the mums though do they!!

Op, I did it, dd is nine months now!

You can do it

You're right..it takes 2 to make a baby

So I'm confused that anyone would want to make a baby with someone who's such a knob?! Surely the signs are there?! Use protection people until you're sure you are with a good person who will make a great dad.

However. I do believe both parents should be held to account. You're correct on this point.

No the signs are not there!!

. Well, if people waited a little, and truly got to know their partners (ideal situation), then the signs probably would be there..

I know one of my friends just said she hoped man was going to change once she got pregnant..

Erm no. Men do not change!

Anyway. I said I agreed. Men should be held to account more. But women, choose your semen a little more wisely!

no. not always, its not always as black n white as that. those that abuse are very good at making u feel like its you with the problem, therefore you see them as the good guy whod make a good dad. my ex didnt turn into a violent prick til i got pregnant. it was cos he thought that by me carrying his kid, he has a leash on me n i wouldnt be able to leave him. boy did he come unstuck.

i saw the this morning thing, as much as its good for good dads to be involved with their kids, i also couldnt help but wonder if theres a a good reason why the mother has stopped access other than what the dad was bleating, obvs that he 'forgot' to mention

Oh frisson I don't be to be rude but until it happens to you you don't know!!!
When you don't know people's back stories you can't possibly comment.
pull your judgy pants out of your arse

Exactly honey! That's what I thought
Without knowing the whole story no one can possibly comment, pass judgement yes, comment no.

To be honest if you feel that bad about things and are depressed i would wonder why you are continuing with this pregnancy

You have control over your life and which way it will go so if the timing and person is shit then do something about it and wait until you meet a bloke who wants the same as you.

He's made his position clear so either get on with it like the rest of us have done or dont. Thats the bonus of being a woman, you get to choose what children you do and dont have by taking responsibility yourself.

Lots of women make the choice with their partner/Dh to have Dc who then bugger off... that really is the shit end of the stick.

Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time of it. As others have said better now than later, at least this way your dc won't have to deal with the hurt.

I'm sure you'll do a fabulous job, do you have lots of good family & friends aroudn to support you?

In answer to your original title - no its not bloody fair, especially when the media have the gall to go on about 'single mothers' - as if the blame lies with the one that stuck around, rather than the one who legged it! To steal another mumsnetter's phrase, it really boils my piss.

Fair comment :)

I would say though, if they're that knobby, why on earth would you want them in the child's life? That's the bit that confuses me.

God forbid I end up in such a situation, I would take pride in getting on with the job without the idiot and his money. You sound like strong, confident women.

My friend did this and good on her. Times have been ridiculously tough for her (both mentally, and financially) but as she says, she knows she's done it without him, without his money and the pride in how great her kid is, is all down to her.

Frisson- we have no choice. Mostly they don't care until they have to pay maintainence, then they think they own the child. Like pay per view!
It's a joke.
I didn't choose to have a baby with this man, he left me after finding out with me I was 22 weeks along and didn't have any signs.

But I guess that's what I mean. Personally I'd rather they didn't pay maintenance, and they they can't lord it around like they own the child (when they don't otherwise give a toss)

I'm sorry for anyone who finds themselves in such a tough situation.

makeit I would take it as a blessing that he left, sounds like a right catch what on earth were you doing with him in the first place !

I'd love that to happen frisson!
Sadly he was emotionally abusive, showed true colours too late

frisson have you never met anyone who seemed lovely till you hit hard times? I'm sure we've all had fair-weather friends like this, even if not a partner?

Might not even be relationship anyway - women are allowed one-night stands you know, and no contraception is 100%!

:(

Hmm. Can you move away from him? I always think that knobs like this probably give up pretty easily once the novelty factor wears off anyway?

My biggest fear would be having to leave my child with a dickhead just because he happened to be her biological father. I think i'd make it as hard and unappealing as possible!

That's when they go to court or solicitors and the threats start.

pootles I have definitely, but luckily not in the guise of a partner. Where I've been anything less that 100% about a man, I take all precautions! Contraception is pretty much 100% if you have a coil and use condoms! I'm a firm believer that if you really really do not want to get pregnant, you can prevent it! (given how bloody hard it is to actually get pregnant when you want to!)

that would be waste of public money...and woman also had sex. not just the man!

people end up single parents for all kinds of reasons.

op: just focus on you and this baby, if you have decided to keep this baby you will find a way. and focus on how you can get support from other family/friends etc.

frankly having someone so disinerested completely uninvolved may make your life easier... single parents can work adn provide for their children.

but keep his name and details for when your child asks in future who their bio dad is.

op think carefully before you go for csa. Like alot of fathers he will suddenly want 50/50 and he will then claim you are stopping contact all along and you abuse your child and are an unfit mother.[;(] this happens alot. If hes walked away just let him go!

it wont be long now and we will be getting FNF fanatics on here again, to puts us all in our womens place

frissonpink - I was with my partner 13 years before we split up when I was pregnant.

You sound a bit ignorant if you think life is that simple and single parents are just silly women that got pregnant with men they didn't know very well.

kittycat

frisson, ill quote one of the fathers rights brigade, saying that preventing contact is child abuse. my ex used my 3 dcs as a weapon, and called social services to try and have them dragged through the care system purely to give him an advantage in court. hes now behaving in an unhinged way, and police have been involved.
but at the same time, the fnf and ffj brigades are trying to force fathers rights on us and we could face prison/ losing custody if we break contact agreements even for a good reason. and we cant do sod all about it cos of the legal aid cuts. thats why i think we have the short straw here. its like legally forcing us and our kids to live with lousy disruptive and sometimes violent fuckwits just cos they put a sperm in us.

its sad because the kids will suffer if around dv. my 3 dcs have no dad around (sadly he died) and my dd who never met him (i was preg when he died) has done well without a dad, disproving this 'families need fathers' stuff.

its a fact, proven that domestic violence appears or worsens during pregnancy onwards. until theres a child or bit of paper legally tying us to volatile partner, they usually behave like angels.

honey I agree with you - I think it's bloody appalling when you are forced to let your kids stay with violent idiots just because they are the biological father.

Sorry you've having such a shit time at the minute. :(