single mothers are really treated unfairly

[khotney]

Hie everyone

I'm 13 weeks pregnant and I'm thinking I will be alone forever with this baby. The father didn't even give me the benefit of the doubt he jus denied the pregnancy moved from his apartment and blocked my calls. I think women left alone to raise kids are really treated unfair there should be a law against this, any man who inserts his penis in a woman without protection and later denies the child should be thrown in prison untill after nine months and a DNA is done. Then he is forced to child support without any effort of looking for him. The reason why I think these man who deny their children should be thrown in jail is because for those nine months the women cnt have fun like him she is depressed and alone so instead of him going out there and continuing to have sex he should be locked up and feel depressed in there as well like the pregnant woman and not ruin more girls lives. I really think if that low gets in place we will have less man denying pregnancy right now they deny coz they have no consequences to face some of them get away scott free and continue to do it because they think they are clever. This is not fair really why should the women alone suffer when it takes two to make a baby

frissonpink do u think all these people that are alone were stupid enough to choose jerks for their BD. Things happen and really some of these men are good in playing the game untill there is pregnancy. I got pregnant by a siemen he started off without a condom and wen I kept pastering he then put it he ddnt release inside me his siemen was too powerful tht it made a sperm. So please dnt be judgemental because maybe you got a better partner or were lucky enough not to fall victim like some of us

@squeelybean for some of us jus having an abortion is not jus a procedure you know its emmotionally painful and having the abortion wouldn't have made me forget that I was decieved and fell pregnant for a jerk it will always haunt me.children are a gift from God what if that's the only blessing I have

@cestlavielife according to me a man that denies his child should feel the same pain he is inficting on the women so to me it wnt be a waste of money he will be punished for knowing fully well he stuck his penis and then denying it the least he can do is accept a DNA than jus walk away

corlan true gal u see how long u had known him but he still hurt u after so many years its not about knowing the guy coz they change its about taking responsibility, I respect man who take responsibility for their actions

Thankyou so much guys for sharing yo views and we learn from our mistakes I have learnt never to trust a man he will be loving today but at the mention of pregnancy the wolf in him will arise so I believe if a guy gets you pregnant and accepts responsibility he is one of the few good ones out there however its not about knowing someone people are left by their partners after knowing them for years and yet some people have one night stands and when they inform the guy he takes responsibility. Some one you have barely known can stick around and someone u hv know so well can walk away...people do change

honey86 totally agree!!

We also need to bear in mind that in many cases of pregnancies it has resulted from failed contraception this happens a great deal you ask any nurse at a Family Planning Centre or a GP you will be surprised.

In addition many men change as a result of having children and the poor mother has no option but to make her life more bearable by throwing the jerk out if his behaviour does not measure up and the family life has become insufferable. It is not always simply down to the woman to have 'read the signs' prior to having a child.....!

Some people really do live in ivory towers to think that we have planned to be a single parent when the reality is to be a single parent is really hard and the media should give us far more credit and respect. Believe it or not many misguided idiots out there still think we have engineered the whole thing to live a life of reilly either on benefits or by milking the child tax credit system.....! Astonishing the ignorance out there isn't it!

OP you have had some very good posts and a couple of rude ones but I really thought there would be more.
I think in a way you have put an argument forward hard to argue against... why is there no action taken against an absent parent? But then I guess they could turn round and say, have them adopted but what I do agree is that is should be sorted out at the start.
My ex did as your has done and then appeared years later claiming he has only just found out he has a DS ... as someone else posted, they will say alsorts when it suits them.
I felt like you that when I was pregnant he could just carry on but what hurts even more than that is exactly what someone else said, he now says in a court of law it was me stopping him WTF!! Luckily I do have some evidence to the contrary and my advice would be - try and get evidence that he is not interested... just in case he turns back up and tries to tell a very different tale. The thing is you see, they don't like other people thinking they are a FW!!

equinox totaly agree gal man ruin us for real eish this really is bad and the woman is forever to blame that's why they continue to do this because they don't get the blame

betterthanever gal am I rude lol? I gues I'm tht way wen trying to make a point across and women who defend men drive me a lil crazy coz it hasn't happened to them, sorry if I sound rude hey jus making ma point across

But right now men will have to forgive me I have negetivity towards them I think they are selfish and heartless humans but thus jus me

what gets on my nerves is these mens new partners judging us cos they take his word as gospel and only have his account of things. theyre blinded to the truth but obvs he must be right and were the bad guys most have never even had kids let alone put up with these men. tis a little satisfying, admittedly, when they discover what hes like and look like a complete plonker. sadly the kids get caught up in it x

honey86 somehow the new partners think they hv won for some reason yet they should learn from wat happened to e previous gal. This situation is sad

honey86 somehow the new partners think they hv won for some reason yet they should learn from wat happened to e previous gal. This situation is sad

I agree with you

this has happened to me ... save your time and energy .... enjoy being "with child"

you willl not have to share the most treasured prize in world ... it's their loss and they are not required or a bonus

frisson you amuse me. No one can predict with 100% certainty the actions of another adult with free will.

DS's dad left 7 months into my 2nd pregnancy, (the first miscarried). The relationship was one of a few years duration and we were in our mid-thirties, so old enough to plan a child together & know what we wanted (imho!). However he met someone else, and decided he'd prefer to be with her.

Obviously if I'd had ANY inkling he was even remotely capable of "opting out". I'd never had had that coffee date with the bar steward! I foolishly thought I'd done the right thing, in waiting till I had a solid career, a solid relationship of a few years standing with the love of my life, who also adored me etc before even attempting to start a family. Shame on me.

I'm now a few years down the line from that initial shock and betrayal & you know what? DS was worth the heartache I experienced in the lead up to his birth. We did cope, despite my worst hormone induced fears.

I adore being his Mum & nowadays feel nothing but pity for his father who has missed out on so much. Any initial resentment I felt towards his dad has long since vanished, mostly because both DS & I are happy together. The cheeky grin as DS wakes me at 5 am on a Sunday morning is the most precious gift I can imagine.

OP you still have choices, even if your available options may seem unappealing right now. Please don't lose sight of that because you are hurting.

1. Adoption,
2. Abortion
3. Going it alone.

Just do what feels right for YOU, now you know that circumstances have changed. Once you've made a solid choice then follow through without looking back.

"We are only responsible for our OWN actions as adults & cannot take responsibility for the actions of another."

Frisson- my Ex didn't show any signs of being a grade A fuckwit until I was pregnant and he became jealous, jealousy of the attention I was receiving (he didn't like it when all friends and family's first question was How's rogue doing? How's the pregnancy? nearly 99% of conversations revolved around baby questions) it got worse after the baby was born because like with any new arrival the attention is on the baby and mother, it was worse also because 99% of my attention was on my DC as a first time mum I was worried, excited and constantly doing things for the baby.

by this point the emotional abuse had started and he had made me feel useless.

it was even worse once I was pregnant with DC2 again all the attention was on me, I had a terrible second pregnancy I was ill with terrible morning sickness, had panic attacks, anxiety and nightmares (all of which were probably down to the abuse)
I finally got the courage to leave after the birth.

my advice to the OP is enjoy your pregnancy and although being a lone parent is hard emotionally and financially its not impossible! when you feel low remember that you are better off shot of him now, better for your child also. being a parent, lone or otherwise is a wonderful experience enjoy it because they grow so fast.
and remember MN is here for support

Single mums admittedly do have it hard in wider society bare a thought for us single dads we have next to no provision in terms of support
Taking your child to A and E because they have been a bit ambitious with their cycling ability and see the judgemental looks you get and treatment you get. As opposed to the reactions that mothers tend to get.

Anyway any parent who abandons their responsibilities should lose their parental rights man or woman. Only too often they only think of themselves and not the long term harm that they cause the children by their behaviour.

Op, I did it and my son is 3 and a half.

Sometimes its easier to be a single mum, you don't have to answer to anyone else, and your child will respect you for it when they are grown. And your the one who did it all.

Hugs xx

OP it will be ok in the end I tell you it always gets better. Always

You sound like you're going through the hell of a break up and the shock that someone can treat you so badly .. when you get through that it's not too bad ... not too bad at all!

You have some wonderful times coming, you don't need a fuckwit next to you to enjoy it