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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Being a lone parent is great!

69 replies

SnoopyLovesYou · 19/05/2013 08:29

I started a thread about single mother stigmatisms and lots of people said that they are really positive about being single parents. Thought it would be good to start a thread about the upsides... What do you love about raising your children with no partner? And how do we best parent boys when there isn't a responsible father figure to fall back on? One thing I love is not having to listen to my ex complaining and criticising!

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emskin · 19/05/2013 11:02

i've been a single parent for 7yrs,me and my son are happy as we are.he sees his dad every two weeks.am i alone in not wanting a partner. i feel they might mess up how me and my son have been doing things for the past seven years on are own

Original poster

SnoopyLovesYou · 19/05/2013 11:29

Well to be honest I'd love a partner in some ways but I'm not ready for one yet. Also haven't met anyone desirable and don't think I will for the foreseeable future so just thought this thread might help some of us stay positive through the hard times. And talking about hard times, the summer is approaching! 8-I

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lizabeth0607 · 19/05/2013 19:22

I've been a single mommy for 18 months now and sometimes I think it would be great if you could make a baby alone lol, me and my daughter have the best bond, I love this the most!!

Although someone to take the bin bags out and help with discipline would be nice!!

Original poster

SnoopyLovesYou · 19/05/2013 19:44

Thanks for your post :-) Yes the maternal bond is something that is to be cherished!!!!

This thread isn't doing as well as I had hoped. Not generating v much single mummy positivity thus far. I think it's the title that's off putting 'Being a lone parent is great!' Because... well... lots of us didn't choose this route and well... it isn't great a lot of the time!

Ah it must be true what they say after all... we do need men about the house! And we're on a short train trip to nowhere! ;-)

No seriously...

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chitofftheshovel · 19/05/2013 21:28

Ah, I have had it proven to me, twice now, that life without men is so much easier. No big child in the house, less washing, less cleaning and most importantly no expectations. I know I have to do everything, don't get disappointed when a man doesn't

lizabeth0607 · 19/05/2013 21:32

Although I didn't choose this route in life I wouldn't change it for the world!
Another thing I love is knowing that my Daughter is blossoming everyday and growing into a lovely little girl because of all the things I do with and for her, I get to feel proud of her; I love that feeling.

Oh and by the title I thought your post was sarcasm and negative lol!

er1507 · 19/05/2013 21:33

One thing for me (absent father) is that I don't have to compromise in the upbringing of dd. what I say, goes! I'm quiet a strong minded person so doubt he would have much say anyway haha.

IndiansInTheLobby · 19/05/2013 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

paneer · 19/05/2013 21:37

Ditto chit - managing own expectations because I am the only adult. No getting pissed off because the other adult in the house wasnt pulling weight and therefore no nagging!

Choosing what I want to eat and watch on TV.

No walking on eggshells in order to maintain the self esteem of dad and just getting this done!

paneer · 19/05/2013 21:38

*things

Raaraathenoisybaby · 19/05/2013 21:38

Same benefits as being single really. I never have to compromise the way I want to being the dc up. The dc have lovely lives that exh fuck wit can't interfere with anymore. The dc come first no matter what. I don't have to pander to exh. I'm a better parent because no one is upsetting me.
We make out own routines and we are a close unit

rainbowfeet · 19/05/2013 21:43

I love the freedom! I can buy them what I like without having to hide the receipts!! I love the close bond that I have with my daughter (girl power type thing). my ds who is 15 months his Dad has never been in his life (his choice) it has been hard work but the love he gives me makes it so worth it.
I am sad his Dad is the way he is but I could never have contemplated the termination he told me to have so I made my choice, secretly now I wouldn't have it any other way!! I have no interest in dating at the moment I am fully content being the best mum I can to my 2 babies!!

Sommink · 19/05/2013 21:55

I love that my dd is thought of as a happy little girl with lots of love and that it is me and her working together that has made her that way. I have a much closer bond with her then I thought I would be able to do, I also have a closer bond to my parents, and as for a father figure, dd doesn't need one...she loves her grandfather figure, and he (and my mum) enjoy a close relationship with their grandchild.

TBH if I had realised how much less stressful single parenting is I may have moved out when he first asked!

Raaraathenoisybaby · 19/05/2013 22:37

Yup. Single parenting is tiring but that's pretty much the only downside for me

russetbella1000 · 20/05/2013 00:23

Hi
Yep just wanted to say that I am very content..But that's not because I am a lone parent it's because I'm positive about me and my life.
I also happen to be a lone parent and of course love it but my being a lone parent per se is not the source of my happiness/unhappiness. What I'm trying to say is that being a lone parent doesn't make you happy/unhappy, it's how you are in yourself which affects how you feel about it.

That said, I honestly think I am a better person/mother to my daughter in not being in a relationship with her father. I never ever wanted my child to be the 'glue' between us. That would be an insult to her. I don't, personally, think this is healthy and can actually put pressure not only on the adults involved but more terribly on a child. I actively decided I did not want to be with my child's father as soon as I knew I was pregnant (I didn't think we were strong enough-no biggie). She suddenly became more important than him (as should always be the case).
Weirdly, I'm very much looking forward to being in another relationship (but definitely don't chase it)and feel relieved that I have my baby but then could pursue a healthy loving relationship separate from that I have with my child...Does that make sense?

I sometimes think that I am happy because I never believed the 2.4 'story' in the first place...Or indeed that you need a man to validate you etc etc. And perhaps, (a little controversially) I would say it's exactly because some women (who then happen to become lone parents) have believed the happy ever after myths that they then continue to yearn for fantasy.... And perhaps don't realise that they themselves in 'yearning for the myth make it far worse for themselves (& others) by perpetuating the 'god I need a man' cliche...They're never actually completely happy in their own skin-this is the secret.

I do not envy the 'smug' marrieds (some of my best friends are these and not even smug too!!)think they're bigger human beings than me, all that compromise etc but nor am I smug for I accept they are happy too-indeed I hope they are! We all just choose a different path but it would be good one day if people truly accepted that some lone parents really do choose their lot (we've even turned down marriage proposals in past :0))-yawn!) and are empowered in doing so...

SummersComing1111 · 20/05/2013 07:29

Im a lone parent and new i would be since i got pregnant with DS, i do love it even though at times it can be very challenging, me and my son have a very special bond and that is very precious, i also love our little routine that works great for us both, i dont have to worry about another person just my son. I take pride in doing it alone knowing im doing an amazing job.

Its not all great i sometimes feel guilty for not giving DS a nice family to grow up with but he is much more better of without his dad around, did try with his dad but his violence is not what my son needs at all! I also worry about DS is older and if he will need a male role around but ill cross that bridge wen we get there , im sure ill do fine as mum and dad.

I think being a lone parent can be great thing if you are at peace with it and have accepted it which i have and i right now i wouldnt change it for the world

PleaseLetsGoToSleep · 20/05/2013 08:35

Have to echo all the good points above, being a single parent actually is great! I'm the boss and don't have to compromise, but I get all the rewards as well; all the cuddles and kisses, ds's first word and first steps. Parenting-wise going it alone has been the best decision I ever made.
Great thread op!

Original poster

SnoopyLovesYou · 20/05/2013 10:41

Oh that's great to hear all those positive things!

It really is incredible not to have a big baby around the house. I spent so much time thinking about hisneeds and so much time and energy trying to get him to pull his own weight around the house. He used to make me feel guilty for having a bath! and was always telling me I wasn't good enough and needed to do more. Now that I'm more or less recovered-ongoing process really- from the trauma that the negative relationship caused, I have so much more time and energy to put into my friends, my kids, my work, myself. Amazing! :-D

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Sarahlh82 · 21/05/2013 12:39

It was so nice coming across this post! :-) life's so short, it's important to me that I am upbeat for my lo and myself.
My son is almost 9 months and we've been flying solo since I was 6 months pregnant so I've had a long time to get used to things and to be dependent on just me.
It's great... I let myself off the hook all the time for chores I don't want to do ;-) We have a great routine and we spend lots of time with our family and friends.
Watching him grow and become more inquisitive each day makes me smile and realise I am so lucky to have him in my life! He's started nursery and I'm back to work so he gets to play 3 days a week (while I re-engage my brain!) -2 days with the nursery ladies, and with my mum once a week... seeing them have fun and bond is wonderful. I have so much to be grateful for and wouldn't change a thing :-D x

ballstoit · 21/05/2013 12:56

I love making decisions about what we do without someone else whining that they want to watch football/go to the pub/sleep.

I love that I know what money will be in the bank and there are no nasty surprises.

I love that we are a team of 4...enjoying adventures together.

I love that my DC are fantastic people, and that it's (mostly) down to me.

I love that if I can't do something (eg fix the car), I can ask for help from someone else without waiting weeks or denting a male ego.

It's damn hard work but so worth it

Raaraathenoisybaby · 21/05/2013 18:27

I took dds swimming the other day. I was approached by a swimming instructor who was very complimentary about dd1 swimming and how advanced she is. That's down to me, both taking her to lessons and practising with her in our own time.
Dd1 is also really outgoing and confident with other kids which is down to me making site she had other kids to play with regularly. I see that as a necessity and not a treat. Again I did all this alone.
This isn't a smug stealth boast either - the above wouldn't have happened with and were at times actually obstructed by their dad.

financialnightmare · 21/05/2013 18:31

I have two girls. I like having a house just of girls. I like being able to walk around naked and do girlie things! I like it when their friends are around and we are a houseful of women! I like spouting off feminist stuff. I like not having to cook 'meat and two veg'. I like that I am showing them that a woman doesn't NEED a man.

I also like the days that XH looks after them! Lovely silence.

I like giving them autonomy about what tv / music to listen to (those were always XH's decision!). I like being able to have everything PLAIN and SIMPLE (XH likes things, erm, 'decorated').

Booyhoo · 21/05/2013 18:37

i love the freedom over simple things like what to have for dinner, trips out, wee treats, etc.

i like knowing that i'm the one responsible for everything in our house and so dont get that awful resentment when stuff that needed done was just left to me (does that make any sense at all?)

i like that there are no rows in our house the way my mum and dad used to scream at each other. thankfully my dcs have never seen that.

and i know not everyone gets a break but i do like knowing i will be getting one every other weekend.

i like that the dcs can come into my bed during the night if they want. exp never let them.

Dadthelion · 21/05/2013 18:42

I must admit I prefer it, my son lives with me all the time.

It's wall to wall Sky Sports, Xboxes, Sky HD+, Cricket and Pizza.

Bliss.

Original poster

SnoopyLovesYou · 21/05/2013 19:26

Haha 'Ballstoit' I know exactly what you mean about knowing what's in the bank! Having control over that means a lot less stress doesn't it?

So many of these posts sound familiar! And I'm going to refer to this thread when I'm feeling sorry for myself ;-)

'DadTheLion' how do you recommend parenting boys then, seeing as you're a man. Is it really all pizza and virtual sports? ;-)

This is just as an aside- If anyone has any ideas for the summer holidays, please share. How do you make the most of the 2 months as single parents? Especially those of you with not very much family support?

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