Shall we have a "new single parent" chat thread?

[BrittaPerry]

I get the keys to my new house on Thursday and I am BRICKING IT.

But also quite pleased :-)

Is anyone else new to all this? Or used to it and wants to share advice/chat?

[glitch]

Can I sneak on here too please. LP since July last year after separating from my H after 12 years. I have a 7 year old DS.

I sometimes read the dating thread and wonder if I should be doing more to get back into a relationship and then I wonder why. I quite like being a LP, I am managing finacially, I have some good friends and I like living without another adult to think about (hmmm, I think I might be a little selfish!) or perhaps that is just the fall out from a less than perfect relationship.

Nice to see others who are OK on their own too. My younger sister floored me a little last week. I have been happily plodding along alone and then she started asking me if I have met anyone, whether there is anyone on the horizon, when I might meet someone. I suddenly got a bit scared of the expectation vs the reality (ie, everyone thinks I should meet someone now and the reality is I may never meet anyone).

Oh well, another week of me and DS and no tears this week so we can't be doing that badly.

[suburbophobe]

Great, this new thread!

I'm an old hat (and an old bag compared to you lot LOL), my son will be 22 in July and have been LP since he was 6 months old!
It does get better even if there are times when you feel you're going to drown in the responsibility of it all.....
Add to that taking care of aging parents (both passed away now), it's like juggling all those balls (and dropping the lot sometimes)....

But now, I'm free and single, son living on campus so life is good! Absolutely love not having to be in the kitchen around 6!

As for relationships.... like a merry-go-round.

I don't do internet dating. Too many creeps. I prefer to meet a man in real life so you can get the "feel" haha of him.

[12stonelighter50feettaller]

Anyone come across this website before? www.singlewithkids.co.uk/. The holidays look fab shame I can't afford a holiday ever again , and the forum looks interesting.

[12stonelighter50feettaller]

Oops, pressed post too quickly, Hello suburbophobe (great username) and glitch.

It is so great to hear that I am not the only single Mum who doesn't have much inclination to meet someone else, was beginning to think I was a freak of nature! It just feels so much more, I don't know, peaceful being me, without the complications of a relationship, or potential relationship, or relationship breakdown, clouding my thoughts.

[doinmybest]

I know, friends keep recommending sites, my mum keeps referring to 'when it happens' and even my dd has said she's ok if I want a new bf! Im quite happy with putting the kids in bed jim jams on and a cuppa or a glass of red and the remote to myself ;)

[Piemother]

Ha ha exh has alleged that mn ruined our marriage too. It's somewhat true because I learned that his behaviour was textbook abusive . I'm in the freedom programme now because of mn and its helping a lot.
Anyway....the mn stalking is just pathetic. They should all fuck off to f4j or some other misogynistic forum.

[IneedAgoldenNickname]

Tbh I don't know why I signed up for a dating site, I'm happy being single and don't have time for a relationship anyway!

I think it's peer pressure, plus the kids asking when I'm going to get a bf! :( I think it's sad that they think I have to be in a relationship, just because their prick of a father can't be single!

Thanks for the link 12stone I've never heard if then, but am off to look now :)

[glitch]

I have a holiday booked with them this August. Was feeling brave when I booked it, not sure I will be so brave when we are in the car on the way!

[VictorTango]

Oh glitch, well done! I have been ummming and arrrhing over booking a holiday with them.

Was thinking of doing a camping trip then bottled it.

[12stonelighter50feettaller]

I am thinking about booking on their Cornwall holiday in August, but am still in two minds. I know the dc would enjoy it more than just going on holiday with me alone.

[VictorTango]

I've heard good things about them 12stone. I keep thinking I need to lose a lot of weight before I can even consider a holiday.

Which may just be my way of putting it off ..

[VictorTango]

Just had a look at Cornwall trips looks really good with a lot to do 12stone.

I wish I were a braver person!

[OverlyYappy]

Hello, I have been single for 2 years now, I spent one moping about and possibly going to/fro my STBXBastard. He blamed MN too, then a Pet Forum, then my cats, then me, yeah everyone is to blame for us splitting up.

I have done the Freedom Programme and am floating about in Limbo now, dated a lot last year and from I remember the year before, no idea of half their names but they were all faulty in some way (I think I may be faulty but am finding other men faulty tbh) So I am on a dating break.

I have 2 DC, they do not see their sperm donor, SWork agree it is best for them. We have moved away from our 'married home' and I don't think my ex knows where we live but nothing would surprise me. I do not work just now as I have to see a Therapist every 2 weeks as I has PTSD, I am unsure if this is from the abuse whilst married or the abuse after we split, I just know I have it and hope it goes soon!

Anyway hello! POF is full of sleazes ime! I did find 2 that were OK. Not sleazy anyway, still not for me though.

[VictorTango]

What is the freedom programme?

[VictorTango]

OverlyYappy have a very big unmumsnetty from me

[MissPricklePants]

I have 1 dd aged 3.9, and have been single 3.6 years! Ex is useless so it is just me and dd. I don't date (no time and lack of babysitter funds). I suffer with depression although its steadily improving. Ex was abusive and I still struggle to come to terms with it. But life is good, I work part time and volunteer. I crochet, I read, I cycle...can't complain. Hope you are all well!

[OverlyYappy]

Thank you

The Freedom Programme is for women who have lived with or been married to abusive men. It can be done from home (I tried this but didn't read the book properly due to nightmares and me being a wimp). I then on advice of Womens Aid done it in a Group.

It enables people who have been in abusive reltionship to see how these men work and how they are not to blame. The book is The Dominator, some men have a few dominating issues some have them all, my ex had them all the ....

[VictorTango]

Maybe I should look into that.

I posted a thread a couple of days ago about trying to understand my ex and his controlling ways. I got some good advice but many thought I should stop trying to work him out and move on.

Easier said than done when I feel he is still in my head and is still actually being a twat in RL

[shadesofwhite]

MArking my place

I'm in a refuge for DV the STBXH nearly ended my life couple of weeks ago and I'm awaiting to be housed. My DD is 15mnths. Still very low emotionally and not so sure how I'm gonna cope being a LP therefore, thanks OP for the thread :)

[Wallison]

I have a few friends who keep going on about me needing to start dating so that I've got something 'for me' but actually that doesn't make sense, at least where I'm at. Surely when you're seeing someone if it's serious you have to be thinking about them and taking them into account etc? Which tbh I can't be arsed to do right now - I'm happier just pleasing myself - and making sure my son is happy of course.

Plus (and this is a Really Bad Thought and probably shows how twisted I've become) I don't know what a man could do for me; I mean, I've already got a kid and I don't want any more, so that side of things is out of the question. So what else is there, other than them hanging around and being useless?

[OverlyYappy]

I seen that thread Victor, it's good to to. The book could have been written for my EX. It's unbelievable how these men operate.

shadesofwhite I have been through something similar, mine counted out amyptriptyline for me to take as it 'would be better off for everyone' I took them, start hallucinating, heart racing, wandering around naked (I didn't do this in front of him) it was horrid, he refused to take me to hospital, I texted a friend, she called my GP, he called me and TOLD my ex to take me, I first went to GP Surgery 2 days after taking the pills, my heart was still going at a joggers pace, the have no idea how I survived, it was an awful time. (I don't know it I have spelt amytriptyline correctly but my American Dictionary wants me to change it to pantyliner and I didn't take pantyliners)

This is not something I would ever do alone. I have felt low but someone creaming in your face, well, I don;t know, I guess that was my final point with him.

We split soon after this. Onwards and upwards!

[OverlyYappy]

My whole family would love me to date. I don't want to just now. I do get annoyed sometimes at people thinking everyone should have a partner or be married.

Why? I have my Dc have done the marriage thing, can I not have a rest now please?

[Wallison]

Oh shadesofwhite so sorry to hear that but glad that you are out of harm's way now. You will cope with being a LP - it's tough, but not anywhere near as tough as someone trying to kill you; you've already been through far worse than anything life can throw at you as LP, and you're here, you've survived.

[OverlyYappy]

shadesofwhite Do you have any idea how long you will be in the refuge? I have a good friend in one localish, I know her timescale for rehousing is 6 months now but she has made some good friends in the refuge too and the women who run our one are just lovely.

Well done on getting out of this relationship.

FWIW My eldest thanks me now and tells me he would have ran away by now. Youngest is till work in progress.

[JustFoldingStars]

Hello, can I come in? Have been a LP since October, am 27 with a 22mo DS.

I'm ok and am currently going to counselling to talk through things. ExP was not abusive as such, but can be emotionally manipulative and make me feel like I'm going crazy!! Also having huge trust issues with him which I have to sort through for the sake of DS.

ExP had a new girlfriend 3 weeks after our split. I on the other hand cannot see myself having another serious relationship, at least not for a long time. People assure me I will but, from a purely non-emotional logical perspective I cannot see the benefit?! I'm so much better off on my own.

But time will tell I guess