I get the keys to my new house on Thursday and I am BRICKING IT.
But also quite pleased :-)
Is anyone else new to all this? Or used to it and wants to share advice/chat?
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96 replies
BrittaPerry · 24/02/2013 22:04
OP posts:
IneedAgoldenNickname ·
08/03/2013 18:53
How is everyone? I can't believe your exes stalk you on here! Mind you mine might, I don't know!
Just thought I'd share my news, I got offered an invite at the uni I really really want 
I'm so excited, although more than a little terrified!
12stonelighter50feettaller ·
08/03/2013 10:20
Hi all, 
piemother, I too would be fuming. He's just desperate to keep some control, isn't he? Has he had his bollocking yet?
Welcome bluebeard.
glitternanny my ex has started having the kids more from last month. I do miss them, but feel a lot more rested and able to deal with parenting alone when I do have them.
Ds is struggling with everything at the moment, I wish I could do something to take his pain away, it is horrible watching him grieve his daddy not living with us. He keeps saying he loves me but loves his Daddy more, which hurts me so much as well. He doesn't want to spend Mothers Day with me, wants it to be "Daddy's Day" instead, and even said that he wants me to spend it alone 
. The logical part of my brain keeps telling me that he doesn't mean it, he is just dealing with lots of anger and sadness by lashing out at someone safe, but it is like a body blow every time he says something like that. He is the only male in the world who can break my heart into little pieces .
12stonelighter50feettaller ·
03/03/2013 07:37
Welcome rose I have read your thread, sorry what you are going through sounds so.tough. I lived with xp for a couple of months after we split, it was hard work for all involved .
I probably wasn't very clear with my double negative, but what I meant in my last post was that xp will definitely want to see ds on his birthday. He is a good dad. 
shadesofwhite ·
03/03/2013 01:11
Poor you Rose , there are better days ahead.
It took me so long to leave a total abuser. Dated him, he hit me, we broke up, got back 2gether, married, honeymoon, fell pregnant, brutal physical abuse among others, ran away, was lured back to his arms, more brutal abuse (by this time my self esteem was dead and psychological problems kicked in). Police involved, SS, and finally here I am, I've left him this time for good.
Rewinding back, had an abusive BF, my mum died when I was 10, was raised by a step mum who would beat the hell out of me for no reason, let me go for days without food. I wanted to die and I'd self harm and I tried a couple of times to get a car to run me over.
Fast Foward..I've been abused all my life. I feel the same way you feel, What worries me the most now is that I have never ever been happy, wouldn't know happiness if it slapped me in the face and therefore, i feel the process of self discovery will most likely be painful for me.
You are not alone, I'm younger than you and I've faced the worst, being on the edge.
Have you tried some Counselling to help with your self esteem? I am. And I want answers I know its impossible but mostly, I want to get to the root of 'why me?' Second, I want to avoid anymore abusive relationships in the future, I want my DD to be proud of her mummy for providing the best care even if I'm struggling with deep issues that are beyond human control.
Posting on Mnet has lifted up my life and enlightened me a lot.
Here 
, and 
, there is a solution to everything, I want to believe so keep strong.
shadesofwhite ·
02/03/2013 22:41
Welcome Rose . I do hope you'll be able to relocate and find freedom soom. Its one of the biggest decision in ones life but if you have no choice then let it be.
Aaaand wow! How do you find living with your XDP? Do you have DC's together? I honestly don't think I can ever do that. My STBXH was living with his XGF before dating me and they were driving each other nuts. Not sure who was on the wrong but I felt it for the poor DC. It was due to disputes over the mortgage. STBXH was evicted in the end. this is the hardest truth I learnt about his past later in our marriage, and I realized that's the reason why he wouldn't put my name on the new mortgage we got together Now I'm destitute with my DD after running away from DV. Learnt my lesson.
Goodluck though. for you.
shadesofwhite ·
02/03/2013 20:49
I have emailed and asked him what he thinks, but I am 100% sure xp won't want to not see ds on his birthday. Don't blame him really. Why would he not, Oh sorry to your DS. Has he always ignored your DC's birthdays?
12stonelighter50feettaller ·
02/03/2013 20:12
glitch I was just about to press the 'book' button yesterday and it suddenly dawned on me that it will be ds's birthday whilst we are away, so pretty sure we can't go as I don't think xp will be too happy about us being away for his birthday and not seeing him. I have emailed and asked him what he thinks, but I am 100% sure xp won't want to not see ds on his birthday. Don't blame him really. Can't afford any of their other holidays so looks like we will be holidaying alone .
shadesofwhite ·
02/03/2013 18:57
Hi busy , thanks for suggesting seeking advice from the CAB. Happy to know that DV cases will still be considered for legal aid! Though I doubt very much is H will agree to have supervised contact.
Great idea to have give your DD a sibling! Being a single parent isn't very easy but I'm sure you can do it as we all are :) How are you planning to go about it if you don't mind me being alittle nosy? 
Happy for you All booking holidays and treating yourselves to new experiences! I can't wait to settle down and book myself and DD one, with or without weirdos .
OverlyYappy ·
02/03/2013 11:02
My ex paid nothing and avoids working so he has too, in some ways it was easier having a little bit of contact as I knew when he worked, now I have no idea so look forward to out £12 per fortnight, that £5 each + DC £2 arrears..usually ends a Takeaway for 3 of us.
My Divorce was taking forever, I applied last year, through Legal Aid, they said I would pay £885, I said he could divorce me then (bad move but he left me in £9,000.00 debt) I fully expected my papers soon after that as is 'engaged' 
I spoke to my Lawyer in January and asked her what was happening, she spoke to his Lawyer and he hasn't been in contact again.
It's a bit out there asking him on Facebook via a Status so it is not direct contact.
Shades please try not to worry (easier said than done), you ex has almost 0 chance of getting your DC, mine went down this route I was terrified, asking for advice all over Mn under various names, when it came down to it, he will not fight me in Court, I never thought I would see the day when I said 'I wish he would so something legal is in place for my DC.
I have no idea what I would do if I were pregnant, talk to as many people as you can, there have been some amazing women on here who have done it alone and seem fine.
My DC are going for a week with my parents in July, they have done this each year since I was single, I usually sleep a lot or in the first year I was dating a lot I would love to take them away, I am thinking of saving and taking them to my Relatives which is a big long scary drive to Leeds.
It feels good to tell them exactly whats on your mind. I used to love it. I didn't ever do it until last year when STBXH g.friend was texting me as she was afraid we would get back together, I told him that would neverhappen and I detested him, then he took me to court for DC, I said no and that was the end of it. Well until we moved and he started getting all panicky and looking for us.
Poor man has lost his control. I was lost the first year of being alone, I was controlled for 16 years, I went a bit wild when alone, it was all good fun though. I think back and think WTF was I thinking/doing. Thankfully I seem to have calmed down to staying in again. My self esteem is very low so keeps me from dating etc. (thankfully) I think I was looking for an immediate replacement or something. Or because he had a g.friend I was someone/anyone. Not a good idea. Hope everyone has a great weekend.
doinmybest ·
02/03/2013 10:26
The man I'm divorcing is not the man I married and that's so hard to get my head around
thats exactly how I feel and I told him so in a string of drunken texts last night 
my last one was on the lines of I dont know why Im telling you all this because I know you don't give a sh*t but guess what its not all about you anymore.
I thought I would wake up this morning mortified but I actually feel quite liberated. When he picked ds up this morning I actually opened the door wide and looked him in the eye, something I haven't done since he left. He chose to leave He moved straight in with OW He says if he wants to see the kids He decided how much (little) he's contributing financially so this was all about ME and I feel fantastic - apart from the hangover
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IneedAgoldenNickname ·
01/03/2013 18:02
12stone fab news a about the holiday! I'm tempted to book one, but they are so expensive compared to holidays I normally have, plus I don't drive so getting there would be hard!
shades I don't have any advice, having never been divorced, but hope out all goes smoothly remember we are always here for UN mumsnetty virtual hugs and 
and
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