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Original poster

What would you say to your Ex?

45 replies

adamstorm · 20/08/2011 19:38

Hi everyone.

I would like to get everyones feedback on this.
There seem to be a lot of "deadbeat dads" out there, and even dads that are around are far from perfect. So I have a question for you, if you could tell your ex ONE THING about being a better dad, what would it be?

Come on mums, lets hear it. The wilder the better.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 20/08/2011 19:39

Put the kids first at ALL times

Meglet · 20/08/2011 19:43

agree

No putting the pub first, mates first, reasons to hate your X first. Just the kids first every, single time.

alphabettyspagghetti · 20/08/2011 19:45

If you ever move on and have another family where you are now, just remember to NEVER to do them what you did to us. You made that mistake once, dont be an idiot and do it again.

You made one stupid decision and it broke our family...next time just think before you panic.

WhenAllElseFails · 20/08/2011 22:35

to dds dad at the mo-just because you have a new gf and are pissed off with me do NOT take it out on the child! oh and also don't just TELL me that you are having her for a week.

to ds' dad-dont tell him you are taking him somewhere fun before you have asked me, because if you let him down again im the one left picking up the pieces!

Bandwithering · 20/08/2011 22:39

By not contributing, you are harming the children more than you're harming me. I've had MY happy, comfortable childhood.

but I said all this and more a million types. Said it, typed it, told his mother, my mother told his mother, my father told him........

You might as well push water up hill as try to communicate with my x.

blackeyedsusan · 20/08/2011 22:40

don't hit your children. Sad

TastyMuffins · 20/08/2011 22:45

One day when you eventually have time to see your son, he may not have time to see you.

BertieBotts · 20/08/2011 22:50

Deal with your shit before getting into another relationship.

His pattern seems to be - feel crap, get into relationship with young & naive girl for the adrenaline rush, dazzle her with "romanticisms" and promises of commitment, push push push the relationship to move faster, get her pregnant within the first year (last one was in the first week!!), wonder why things start to crack when his issues come to the surface, but it's okay, because usually she's pretty trapped by this time, thinks she should make it work, or is under his control to the point she thinks she is causing the problems, wonder why major cracks start appearing with the pressure of the baby having arrived, start moaning about lack of sex, seek it elsewhere in order to make gf jealous, then wonder why you get kicked out, start feeling crap & going on a cycle of depression & alcoholism, jump into another new relationship for the adrenaline rush and the cycle starts again.

He wouldn't and doesn't listen, though. He only sees DS at certain parts of the cycle, as well. Mainly when he gets a new gf and everything is wonderful. Then it tails off as the new gf and new baby consume his life, then when things go to shit he decides he can't see DS (and TBH I'm quite glad because he doesn't seem entirely stable, but I wish he would either see him, and stop with the drama, or not see him at all) and only starts again when new gf pushes him to.

Jemma1111 · 20/08/2011 22:51

Before long your kids will be adults and will work out for themselves what you DIDN'T do for them when they were young.

ArthurMcAffertyhastwocats · 20/08/2011 22:59

What alphabettyspaghetti said, pretty much word for word. I would struggle to continue to pretend to our children that you are anything other than a feckless wanker if it comes to that.

missmogwi · 21/08/2011 00:48

Don't make promises you can't keep. Because children remember what you have long forgotten.

Gonzo33 · 21/08/2011 07:40

Definately to put his children first, instead of himself.

littlemisssarcastic · 21/08/2011 12:55

Don't let your feelings towards your XP affect your relationship with your DC.

If you only ever thought of your children, instead of how to get one over on your XP, you'd probably be a much better father.

That said, my XP will never be a better father. He is just not capable. He is devoid of the ability to think of anyone but himself. The only way he could be a better father would be to have a full frontal lobotomy, and that's unlikely.

Theyremybiscuits · 21/08/2011 13:02

Littlemiss I could have written that!

And I will add, Ex, don't you think, what with all those people over the years calling you a 'big fucking bully' might actually mean that it's true.

And it is NEVER ok to call your small son a 'poof'.

Amen.

Theyremybiscuits · 21/08/2011 13:03

Sorry it's more than one Grin

woollyideas · 21/08/2011 14:32

Where to start?

notsorted · 21/08/2011 18:26

You reap what you sow in your life and in your children's lives

LeoTheLateBloomer · 21/08/2011 18:57

It's not how you feel that matters, it's about how DD feels.

He moved 300 miles away when we split up because he "couldn't bear being near her and not able to see her every day". Now DD sees her father about once a month for a couple of hours at a time.

(I'm not really complaining; I'd hate it if he lived and closer, but it was his total selfishness that has made contact a complete pita and DD's going to grow up with this sporadic contact which isn't ideal)

elastamum · 22/08/2011 00:08

If you dont make time for your children when they are young dont be surprised when they dont make time for you when you are old

MrGin · 22/08/2011 10:23

even dads that are around are far from perfect

And you know this how ?

I'm sorry but that is highly offensive to Dads who actually do everything they can to remain a decent, responsible parent to their dc.

I know there are plenty of deadbeat dads out there, but generally you don't hear much about the responsible ones.

mummytowillow · 22/08/2011 21:35

Never put yours and your girlfriends feelings and wants before your daughters needs, she's 4 and needs her daddy! you selfish, self centred, egotistical prick

mummytowillow · 22/08/2011 21:37

I need another one .....

shouting down the phone to me, 'come and get her then' while your sat in a motorway services, might upset her a bit! That is why she cried all the way for her mummy you complete dickhead

Original poster
adamstorm · 26/08/2011 19:18

Miss Mogwi I love your quote "Don't make promises you can't keep. Because children remember what you have long forgotten." Brilliant

OP posts:
corlan · 27/08/2011 22:53

The problem is, you can tell your XP where they're going wrong but ( in my experience) they just don't listen or want to change.

That's often the reason why they are 'exes' - they were not willing to change their behaviour.

whiteandnerdy · 28/08/2011 01:37

Can I just say "I'm one of those deadbeat dads who's stuck around", and yup I'm far from the perfect parent ... but is anyone here a perfect parent, or maybe just very nearly a perfect parent ... please would those who feel their the perfection of parenthood please raise their hands while the rest of us bumble our way through just trying to do the best we can.

Oops sorry for interrupting this delightful thread, I understand the therapeutic nature of the posts, but really does the OP need to use such posts to specifically demonise one sex as opposed to the other ... why? To perpetuate a view that one sex is in better than the other?

Consider this thread offically harrumphedWink