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Living overseas

Whether you're considering emigrating or an expat abroad, you'll find likeminds on this forum.

Original poster

Anyone else feel their life is on hold?

33 replies

Salbertina · 21/09/2013 17:16

That's it really. Dependent on dh, no work identity. Been here a while, some fun friends. Just waiting to go back to UK.

OP posts:
dubaipieeye · 21/09/2013 17:25

Yes. I love Dubai but we do want to go home when we have paid the mortgage on our house. Trouble is, that date keeps moving and I feel in limbo. Don t want to spend lots of money on a rented house, but really need to set down some roots and make a home. Worried about getting DS into a good school if we return after he is 5. I am happy, but spend A LOT of time considering house prices on rightmove! No answers, but I do empathise.

Original poster
Salbertina · 21/09/2013 17:31

Ikwym with regard ever-shifting leaving dates! Hard to make the most of life when so uncertain.

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dubaipieeye · 21/09/2013 17:33

Exactly. And my friends keep leaving (end of contracts etc) making me a little reluctant to reach out for new friends. It gets harder all the time.

Original poster
Salbertina · 21/09/2013 17:36

I know. I really can't be bothered right now. Weary from it all.

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dubaipieeye · 21/09/2013 18:42

Do you work, Salbertina? I am not at the moment for health reasons but I was more content when I did.

Original poster
Salbertina · 21/09/2013 18:45

No permit, v hard to get. Yes, would help, drives me mad!

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dubaipieeye · 21/09/2013 20:15

What's your loose timeframe for going home? Any possible way you can get more specific? I have spreadsheets, lots of lovely spreadsheets...

Original poster
Salbertina · 22/09/2013 12:40

That's a good idea. Have felt so disenfranchised hard to look ahead but i will be free Grin

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ZamMummyInGabs · 24/09/2013 10:36

dubaipieeye I hear you on the spreadsheets Grin
I reckon the uncertainty & life on hold feeling is the hardest thing about being an expat (a temporary/roving one, anyway). And that's not even considering the whole dependant status thing.
salbertina no answers, only sympathy - but don't stop reaching out to people - even if they're only your friend for a couple of months, better that than not friends at all, iyswim. Transient expats get it better than long-termers ime.

Joopy · 24/09/2013 10:45

Have you thought about doing voluntary work? I am an expat and when I have too much free time I volunteer which for me motivates me to get out and about and I get to practice the language.
Maybe you could also offer free english conversation which is another way to meet new people.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 24/09/2013 15:21

Some good advice someone gave me was ' stay mentally checked in until you physically check out' i.e. however hard, don't start thinking about home until you actually go home. Just maximise your life where you are at present. Easier said than done but I know people who have spent 3 years or more expecting to go home 'in 6 months' and as a result not making plans or maintaining friendships.

Original poster
Salbertina · 24/09/2013 16:35

So true and exact mistake been making! But never here for 3 yr posting or whatever. HAS kept getting extended each time so yes moved a lot and hard to plan Hmm and had enough!

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butterfliesinmytummy · 24/09/2013 20:53

I know it's difficult, especially when working is restricted. But please don't spend your time yearning for the end of a contract. It's such a waste of time and inevitably, a return to the UK is more often than not an anti-climax (speaking from my experience and that of many friends). It's probably because you have your eye on a return to the UK that keeps getting postponed that you are feeling down.

Voluntary work is good, charity, meet ups are good, crafting groups, walking groups, book groups, whatever floats your boat. If you can't find one, start one. Make sure you don't have any regrets once you do leave.

carolmillen · 24/09/2013 20:59

I feel like my life is on hold until I can move overseas!

Original poster
Salbertina · 24/09/2013 21:04

Oh carol, don't make my mistake ib recerae! Can see your rwasonibg though!

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Original poster
Salbertina · 24/09/2013 21:10

Whoops, sorry for typos - meant "in reverse"

Butterflies- wise words but I've really lost my mojo, did all those things you said, was welcomed as new kid in town and now, not. Had a few wobbles here in a small community which hasn't gone unnoticed plus am useless at lying so everyone knows we're half out the door and invites all but dried up. And i cant ve bothered! Have move SO often in my life? Been the new person who knows no-one so many times, i just cannot be arsed anymore. Not v mindful i know, but no energy left and do feel rather bitter. It's a hollow life, being an expat sometimes and all the joy of it has gone for me.
Sorry for pity party!

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carolmillen · 24/09/2013 21:12

Where are you Salbertina?

Original poster
Salbertina · 24/09/2013 21:14

S Africa. Where are you going/hoping to go?

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Longdistance · 24/09/2013 21:19

I know what you mean.

I feel like I have wasted two years of my life here in Oz. Really, just like yourself, waiting to go home.

Luckily now, we're going home on the 5th October, and I cannot wait.

Still can't believe that I left my job of nearly 15 years, to trail follow my dh here, only for him to be made redundant Hmm

Original poster
Salbertina · 24/09/2013 21:21

Oh LD, sorry to hear about his job but glad you're off home. Sure you'll be able to get back into your career having done it for 15 yrs. still scary though, am sure. Will be in similar boat.

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carolmillen · 24/09/2013 21:39

I don't know - I just want an adventure!

Longdistance · 24/09/2013 21:41

I have to laugh, as my Aussie friends are Envy of me going home, as they want to live in the Uk.

Original poster
Salbertina · 24/09/2013 21:43

So did i, but rue the day! Adventurous hols from now on, not this crazy life! SA poss unusual case tho, as in basket-case. Feels increasingly unstable and not at all safe.

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Original poster
Salbertina · 24/09/2013 22:02

Really?! Thats reassuring. What ate their reasons? I find here that people feel the need to over justify their choice to stay as SO many haven't, so its got to be the most beautiful place, the best place to bring up kids etc etc. This can get my back up and make me feel more entrenched! Especially when they slag off our dear old (free!) nhs etc having not lived there for 20 years Angry

OP posts:
MacMac123 · 24/09/2013 22:09

THis is why I will never move abroad - even though DH has opportunity with his work. It means me giving up everything and 'trailing' him, and will jeopardise my future career choices, schools, friends, everything. I just wouldn't make that sacrifice.
Sometimes I envy my ex pat friends (in hong kong) who seem to be (on Facebook) permenantly around pools or at cocktail parties, then I think actually they've lost so much of their life and if their marriage doesn't work out they really are up the creek without a paddle.
Sorry! That's my view anyway and this thread about lives in limbo seems to back that up

I'd say get on the first plane home!

Ps - I also did go overseas for 7 months in early 20s to NZ, felt so desperately homesick i was surprised, but came home thinking am not leaving England again (not for longer than a few weeks anyway!)